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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won’t rearrange his holiday

553 replies

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 14:10

My best friend and I had planned a big holiday with 8 of our close friends in the summer to celebrate a number of significant events.

Unfortunately, the only time that is convenient for all of my friends is during the same week that my husband is going away. He could move his holiday forward or backward to accommodate me but has refused, and has become very insistent that he won’t move his dates because he booked his holiday first.

For context, my husband had tickets to very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends, but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

My husband keeps pointing to this and has made it clear it’s my turn to rearrange my holiday. However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible. I feel he is being intentionally difficult and doing this on purpose, whilst my friend had an unforeseen emergency.

This disagreement has seeped into other areas of my life and we are constantly squabbling and arguing. I am worried where this might lead.
AIBU to ask him to rearrange his leave.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 27/04/2025 14:55

You seriously made him miss an event that had been booked and planned years before (so was obviously important) so you could help a friend? That crazy and I'm not surprised he won't now change his plans again to suit you and your friends.

His plans are booked and made... therefore you are not free that week unless you can find alternative childcare.

Whoever has the plans arranged first in our house, gets to do the event

Notimeforaname · 27/04/2025 14:56

Yabu. He has already compromised on a big holiday.
Not fair he does it again.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/04/2025 14:57

do the two of you actually like each other?

I don’t mean in the past, because of course you did, so not memories, but in the present?

MummyJ36 · 27/04/2025 14:59

You had me in the first half but once you mentioned about making him cancel an important event for your friends emergency I could see where he was coming from. Yes he’s doing it out of spite but also OP you have shown twice now that you value your friends time and needs more than his.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/04/2025 14:59

I can’t believe you made him
cancel something he booked years in advance just so you could support your friend. I do t blame him
fkr not wanting to accommodate you again.

JHound · 27/04/2025 15:00

You are being incredibly unreasonable.

Find another week even if you have to push it out a year.
You already prioritised a friend causing him to not go away on his trip. Now you want him to move again for your trip with friends.

You should move.

BankHolidayBonanza · 27/04/2025 15:01

BreadInCaptivity · 27/04/2025 14:51

You come across as being quite dismissive of your DH.

I’m struggling to think of what sort of emergency would have meant you had to ask him to cancel long standing plans (especially as it’s clear that there’s a big gang of you and presumably another friend could have stepped in).

Then again you are expecting him to make way for you and your friends.

This isn’t the only week you can all go because you are not available.

It’s up to you and your friends to resolve this not him. Do you honestly think any of them would be asking their partner to re—plan an already booked holiday?

If I was him I’d be really pissed off with you.

I am struggling too with the "emergency".

Just prioritising someone else sounds more accurate.

Crazyworldmum · 27/04/2025 15:01

He already changed his before so this time it’s you who need to compromise or not go .

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/04/2025 15:01

"However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible."
No, he's "effectively asking" nothing of the sort. He's "effectively asking" you to not go. Exactly as you asked him not to go to a "very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends".

It does seem that you want your plans and your friends prioritised over his plans and his friends. Twice.

You've taken your turn. It's his now. He gave up last time, you yield this time. Fair's fair.

WaltzingWaters · 27/04/2025 15:03

You’re not free that week so I’m not sure what it’s the only week you can all do, when your DH is already booked away. YABU.

Also, I’d need to know what this friend’s emergency was that caused your DH to
miss his long planned and awaited event so you could support your friend. Surely you could have supported her whilst also looking after your children (but obviously can’t say for sure without knowing details). Either way, that’s something really hugely supportive he did for you, and now you’re throwing a tantrum because you want him to change his already booked trip to accommodate you and your friends again.

Backbag · 27/04/2025 15:04

I honestly can't imagine asking my husband, who I (presumably) love, to rearrange something important he'd booked years in advance, for anything, let alone to support a friend. Then to ask him to change his plans for your friends again....?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/04/2025 15:05

Apart from the tit for tat element, how does it affect his AL. Presumably he has booked the week off of work? Would he be able to book a different week over the summer for instance or would he have to reschedule to a different time. Would he need to use AL to accommodate you going away and if so how would that look for him at work if there already work colleagues on AL?

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/04/2025 15:05

BankHolidayBonanza · 27/04/2025 15:01

I am struggling too with the "emergency".

Just prioritising someone else sounds more accurate.

Show quote history

This...the only thing I feel would be acceptable is if she needed a kidney off the op there and then or something like that...I can't see any other scenario where op had to go and support her friend, in person and couldn't take her kids so leaving dh in charge of the kids when he had such an important trip planned.

Doteycat · 27/04/2025 15:05

I cant believe the neck of you tbh.
If that was me, I know my first reaction would be, "sorry ladies DH has dibs on that week, ill go another week if ye can but I may have to sit this one out".
But then im not a selfish mare.

fiveIsNewOne · 27/04/2025 15:08

I suppose he is still unhappy about the previous miss, so asking him again to adjust (even if he was going alone and would be easily able to shift a date) is reminding him of that.

Looking back, was his missing the event really necessary and worth it? Did he got his time back/some replacement event?

MagneticSquirrel · 27/04/2025 15:08

YABU

The week your husband is away should never have been a week that you said you were available for this holiday with friends.

Your husband was more organised than you and your friends and booked the week first, so he gets to keep it. It doesn’t matter if he could go another week or he’s going alone, or whatever he’s doing, he booked his first and you need to graciously work around it.

diddl · 27/04/2025 15:09

How? There is no impact to him if he goes a week earlier or later.

Because he doesn't want to do that for you?

RedSkyDelights · 27/04/2025 15:09

However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible.

I assume you must be talking about next summer, because there's no way you would be able to organise a summer holiday for 9 busy women with careers and families in April? So DH's holiday has already been booked for over a year; I assume it muts be important to him?

Or do you mean this summer? In which case you are lucky to find a date that 8 of you can make. If you'd wanted you all to go, you should have booked it months ago.

cardibach · 27/04/2025 15:10

heroinechic · 27/04/2025 14:48

I voted YANBU and am really surprised by the poll.

Your DH should want you to be able to get away with your friends. He has the opportunity to enable that, or prevent it and he is choosing to prevent it out of principle.

Do you have any family support that would enable you both to go away?

Or…she should want her DH to get away for a break. She has the opportunity to enable that, or prevent it and she is choosing to try and prevent it…

Dogaredabomb · 27/04/2025 15:10

LlynTegid · 27/04/2025 14:16

Depends on what the alleged very important event was for me to judge.

I agree

Vaxtable · 27/04/2025 15:11

Yes you are. I don’t understand why your friend came before your husbands trip that he has been waiting years for, if it’s such a large group why didn’t someone else help out

As to this holiday, either go with your husband or goon your own with your friends, who you seem to think far more of than your husband

diddl · 27/04/2025 15:11

I wonder if he has been reading MN & is putting boundaries in place?

JHound · 27/04/2025 15:12

Also OP what do you mean there is no impact to your husband. Is he going away alone?

londongirl12 · 27/04/2025 15:12

When you and your friends were discussing dates, you should have said you couldn’t do that week.
is there grandparents the kids could go stay with?

SurferRona · 27/04/2025 15:12

Calling reverse! No one outside of Love Island can be this dense and self-serving, surely?! 😅