Husband won’t rearrange his holiday

[ThisPearlCritic]

My best friend and I had planned a big holiday with 8 of our close friends in the summer to celebrate a number of significant events.

Unfortunately, the only time that is convenient for all of my friends is during the same week that my husband is going away. He could move his holiday forward or backward to accommodate me but has refused, and has become very insistent that he won’t move his dates because he booked his holiday first.

For context, my husband had tickets to very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends, but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

My husband keeps pointing to this and has made it clear it’s my turn to rearrange my holiday. However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible. I feel he is being intentionally difficult and doing this on purpose, whilst my friend had an unforeseen emergency.

This disagreement has seeped into other areas of my life and we are constantly squabbling and arguing. I am worried where this might lead.
AIBU to ask him to rearrange his leave.

lots of " jokers" giving the laugh emoji to unfunny comments.

You can only see this if it's YOUR comment they are laughing at

And if it's comments like you've made here, I can see why. Because it's laughable how much stretching you are doing to make this man sound like he's in the wrong

OP has been so evasive and then basically tried to shut everyone down rather than answer 3 important questions which might change things a bit:

1. What crisis was it and why could no one else help?
2. What event did DH have to miss which he'd planned so far in advanced?
3. Have and of the DB or DH already booked annual leave and do the DB have families?

The fact she only touched on 1 enough to say she wasn't going to answer it and has ignored the others would strongly lead to the fact she knows the crisis wasn't that important/others could have helped and that the event was something she was cruel to make her husband miss and that, yes actually annual leave and other family members were also involved so it would be inconvenient to change it.

All of which means we don't need to give her the benefit of the doubt because the evidence would all lead to her being massively unreasonable and a LTB case if roles reversed

I don't think we actually need to know why he cancelled his holiday last time. The fact that he did shows he is a decent bloke because most people (man or woman) would have refused to cancel a once in a lifetime event for their partners mate. This time he is refusing simply because his partner didn't care that he had already booked in plans, she just decided that her plans were more important and he should accommodate them.

@Houseplantsaresoothing I have read that a number of posters use the laugh emoji as a “dislike” as there is no thumbs down or similar option.
OP has asked people to stop commenting as she accepts she is being unreasonable so perhaps there isn’t really anything more to it than appears in her posts so far.

I'm not "picking a fight with you". I am arguing against the opinion you have expressed. I know nothing about what else you might or might not have said and it isn't relevant. While you are entitled to express your opinion, others are entitled to tell you why they think it's wrong. If you keep coming back saying you still hold it, they are entitled to try further. Not everything is just a matter of personal opinion. Some things are right or wrong. Your opinion, on this, is wrong and as long as you are going to maintain it, I am going to try and show you why you shouldn't.

Well the laugh emoji is just down right nasty when it is used on a serious post.
It ridiculing the poster and making fun of them.

If they disagree with a posters vew point then they should say so and not mock them for expressing their view.

I don't know why it is so important to you to try and prove to me my opinion is wrong.

My opinion is "wrong" IN YOUR VIEW.

I really don't know who you think you are to tell other posters that their opinion is WRONG.

@pinkdelight

Well I'm glad I provided you with a good laugh anyway.

Does it make you feel good making fun of other posters?

I'm a person, with arguments. That's how people find out their opinions are wrong, they listen to people who think so and give them reasons.

If people who hold wrong opinions won't listen to people who give them reasons why they are wrong, we end up out of the EU or being governed by Donald Trump.

@HuffleMyPuffle

You can come to whatever conclusions you like. regarding OP's posts. That's your prerogative

My prerogative is to post my view point, so long as its within the guidance rules.

You and other posters can disagree with what I posted.

But laughing and making fun of other people's opinions is just down right nasty.
And it's not just on this thread that it happens .

It's the culture of ganging up on and making fun of posters just because they voice a different view point that is so unpleasant on MN.

The laugh emoji is being used on MN actually to circumvent the guidelines because it's being used to be personally unpleasant to other posters.

I wish they had never introduced the react button because it's provided such ammunition for so many unpleasant people

"If they disagree with a posters vew point then they should say so and not mock them for expressing their view."

That's what I am doing and you don't like that either.

@Houseplantsaresoothing it isn’t important to me and I don’t use the emoji like that, I was just explaining why you had received those responses if you weren’t aware.
I was also noting the OP’s update in case you’d missed it.
Maybe you need to spend a bit more time around your houseplants… 🌿

If someone does that, report your own post and MNHQ will contact the poster to tell them that it's not in the spirit of the site and doing it again risks their account being suspended.

You mean go and look after my plants and stop posting on MN because you don't like me expressing an opinion?

Are you suggesting I should take
Gardening Leave?

Sadly on this occasion you're unable to attend the holiday as you have children to look after. That's just life I'm afraid.

I hate it when threads get derailed by two posters, or a small number, going at each other back and forth - and neither / none of them is the OP!

OP - I agree with the majority that those aren’t dates when everyone is free, because you are not free.

I also think it sounds rough on your DH that you made him cancel long standing plans last time because of someone else’s emergency.

It’s stressful as a female with responsibilities trying to arrange something with other equally busy females with responsibilities. Blokes dont have that problem as they just go ahead and arrange their lifes whilst the women tend to pick up the childcare

I totally agree with you about the derailment.
It's not fair on OP.
I should have been a bigger person and not got involved.

Oh do me a favour. If your bloke is like this, then raise your bar and look for a better one. Mine isn't.

in this particular case it's quite clear the OP is the one being unreasonable, she's said so herself!

Well as the OP's DH cancelled his plans last time I'd say he was the one picking up the pieces rather than the woman in that relationship wouldn't you?

You mean people are laughing at your posts and you don't like it

Maybe if you stopped make such ridiculous claims then they'd stop laughing at you

My opinion, as most sensible ones here are also, is based upon evidence and subtext of the OP's posts. Yours is based on the idea men must always be wrong.

See how one of those is better than the other?

Oh yes those darn men with absolutely no commitments who can just do whatever they like...

Ah the irony

If two or more people are having a discussion about the subject of the OP's post, that's not a derailment. The OP doesn't have to be involved.