Page 5 | Husband won’t rearrange his holiday

TheHerboriste · 27/04/2025 15:13

LlynTegid · 27/04/2025 14:16

Depends on what the alleged very important event was for me to judge.

Yeah, this.

Also what friend’s emergency was that you “had” to support.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 27/04/2025 15:14

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 14:14

How? There is no impact to him if he goes a week earlier or later.

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Is he going on his own?

thepariscrimefiles · 27/04/2025 15:14

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 14:10

My best friend and I had planned a big holiday with 8 of our close friends in the summer to celebrate a number of significant events.

Unfortunately, the only time that is convenient for all of my friends is during the same week that my husband is going away. He could move his holiday forward or backward to accommodate me but has refused, and has become very insistent that he won’t move his dates because he booked his holiday first.

For context, my husband had tickets to very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends, but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

My husband keeps pointing to this and has made it clear it’s my turn to rearrange my holiday. However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible. I feel he is being intentionally difficult and doing this on purpose, whilst my friend had an unforeseen emergency.

This disagreement has seeped into other areas of my life and we are constantly squabbling and arguing. I am worried where this might lead.
AIBU to ask him to rearrange his leave.

Were you really the only person that could help your friend during her family emergency? Surely she had other friends or family that could have helped rather than your DH having to cancel the important event booked years ahead to accommodate your friend? I presume he also lost a lot of money by cancelling.

I would imagine that he is still stewing on this which is why he isn't being flexible now. He probably bitterly resents this friend.

Dogaredabomb · 27/04/2025 15:14

Blackdow · 27/04/2025 14:25

The impact is his choices and life being taken over yet again by you and your friends. That he is less important. I actually cannot believe you make him give up something that was clearly a big deal because your friend needed “support.” She has family and other friends, you could have managed to support her while looking after your kids but he lost out on something important, and he actually went along with it. He did that… for you. And look at how you treat him and his plans and his life. Just make him changes it yet again. Stop it. It’s gives and take, not just take.

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I completely agree, he booked something YEARS in advance! Are you the only person in the world that could support your friend?

Energe · 27/04/2025 15:15

I put my DH above my friends so yabvu

oustedbymymate · 27/04/2025 15:17

YABU and you know that. You're not free that week as you have no childcare

heroinechic · 27/04/2025 15:17

cardibach · 27/04/2025 15:10

Or…she should want her DH to get away for a break. She has the opportunity to enable that, or prevent it and she is choosing to try and prevent it…

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She isn’t preventing it though is she? Because he can go another time. She cannot. There is the opportunity for them to both get away if he accommodates her.

He’s saying “tough luck” as though he’s just a random passenger on a plane that she’s asking to move. They’re married ffs.

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 27/04/2025 15:19

You stopped him doing something that mattered enough to him he booked it YEARS in advance and now you want to mess around with his plans again because you are putting yourself and what you want first again.

If you were a decent person, you'd have said that was one of the weeks YOU couldn't do, but instead you went with acting like anything your DH wants isn't important at all as long as you get what you want.

That week doesn't work for your family.

Find a different one or don't go.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/04/2025 15:20

heroinechic · 27/04/2025 15:17

She isn’t preventing it though is she? Because he can go another time. She cannot. There is the opportunity for them to both get away if he accommodates her.

He’s saying “tough luck” as though he’s just a random passenger on a plane that she’s asking to move. They’re married ffs.

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His trip is booked, he’s unlikely to be going alone and so his travel companions would need to be happy to swap & annual leave at work for everybody may already be sorted.

Not a chance I’d be moving my already booked & sorted holiday, this is OP’s problem, she isn’t free that week- she doesn’t have childcare. Simple😃

Gazelda · 27/04/2025 15:21

do Your friends know that your DH is away that week? If they do, then it seems you must have suggested that you’d be able to get him to rearrange. If you didn’t tell them, then it wasn’t an important date in your family’s calendar. Either way, it belittles your DH.

look again at the dates over the summer. What reasons were given to avoid particular weeks? friend A has a rare nhs dental appt she doesn’t want to risk trying to move. Friend B’s mum has a special birthday. Friend C needs to home for GCSE results day. Friend D is going to a wedding. Friend E has a bunion op booked. Friend F has already booked a camping trip. Friend G can’t get that week off work. Friend H can’t go before pay day. All legitimate reasons. As is yours, which is that DH is unavailable to cover looking after the kids.

your DH knows that he is lower than your friends on your list of priorities.

TheHappyBug · 27/04/2025 15:22

I think you were hugely unreasonable to make him miss the important event, I can’t imagine what support your friend needed that meant he had to cancel.

YABVU to ask him to accommodate your friends again.

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/04/2025 15:22

heroinechic · 27/04/2025 15:17

She isn’t preventing it though is she? Because he can go another time. She cannot. There is the opportunity for them to both get away if he accommodates her.

He’s saying “tough luck” as though he’s just a random passenger on a plane that she’s asking to move. They’re married ffs.

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Or maybe her friends could chose another time with a bit of switching around on their parts, we just don't know...it can't always be on op's husband to have to change his plans (or not go at all in the previous case) to accommodate.

We don't know what the husband will have to sacrifice or what will be involved in him changing his plans. Op says it would he fine but is she the best judgement since last time he had to miss an event that had been booked and planned for years? She sounds quite dismissive of his plans and feelings about them

Snorlaxo · 27/04/2025 15:23

Your h isn’t unreasonable that he has to be the one to rebook again. He already cancelled his Very Important Event Booked Years In Advance so that you could support your friend so you were cheeky to ask again. I hope that your best friend needed support for something super serious for your h to have to give up his long awaited event and possibly lost money over it.

A group holiday of 10 was always going to be difficult to organise because life throws unexpected emergencies and I think that somebody needs to pull out of the holiday to make it happen. TBH I think that the woman with the unexpected emergency should have pulled out so that the other 9 could go but as your holiday isn’t booked either join your friends next year or book an autumn/winter getaway instead.

Cucy · 27/04/2025 15:24

I would ask him to rearrange but if he says no, then that’s fine.
His was booked first.

But I would also not rearrange your holiday that suits everyone else too.

I can’t see how it’s so easy for him to rearrange his holiday - surely it means taking extra time off work, changing flights, hotels, itinerary etc

And is he going alone because if not it means them rearranging too.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/04/2025 15:24

@heroinechic

There are 52 weeks in a year. He already had a week booked. That gives her 51 weeks to choose from. He is hardly preventing her. She is expecting him to change because 8 of the 9 can make it the week he is away. It is highly likely that 8 of the 9 can make various other weeks as well so why should it be OPs DH that has to sacrifice his week off again?

rubyslippers · 27/04/2025 15:24

I find it staggering that he missed a holiday because your friend had an emergency and only you could support her
he has booked this years in advance
you shouldn’t have said you were free that week unless you are so entitled you thought your DH would cancel again
if I was your DH id be seriously considering my marriage - you sound overly entitled, selfish have horrible main character syndrome
I really hope this is a reverse and it’s the poor DH posting

Cucy · 27/04/2025 15:25

but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

What was the family emergency that meant DH had to look after the kids?

This is hugely relevant.

Twice he has booked a holiday and twice you want him to change his plans.

I can see why he’s be upset over it.

Justfreedom · 27/04/2025 15:26

Op if i was your husband id be running to the hill faster than the flash.
You sound like its your way or no way you sound like hard work and have to be in control of everything.
Sounds like your friends come first in everything when it should be your marriage.

CiscoTS · 27/04/2025 15:27

ElfAndSafetyBored · 27/04/2025 14:15

I think you are being very unreasonable.

You prioritised your friend over him making him miss his long booked holiday and an important event because she needed support.

You are now prioritising you and your friends over him again. Maybe you have to miss this holiday if your friends can’t do a different date, like he missed his.

This.

I cannot believe you made him change his long planned holiday because of your friend. Whatever the emergency, that was beyond unreasonable.

I agree he could change his holiday now, but he probably won’t because he’s so bitter about last time. Quite right too.

TheHerboriste · 27/04/2025 15:28

Mrsttcno1 · 27/04/2025 15:20

His trip is booked, he’s unlikely to be going alone and so his travel companions would need to be happy to swap & annual leave at work for everybody may already be sorted.

Not a chance I’d be moving my already booked & sorted holiday, this is OP’s problem, she isn’t free that week- she doesn’t have childcare. Simple😃

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Exactly. I have a feeling this friendship group imposes on family life in myriad ways, and he’s fed up.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 27/04/2025 15:29

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 14:10

My best friend and I had planned a big holiday with 8 of our close friends in the summer to celebrate a number of significant events.

Unfortunately, the only time that is convenient for all of my friends is during the same week that my husband is going away. He could move his holiday forward or backward to accommodate me but has refused, and has become very insistent that he won’t move his dates because he booked his holiday first.

For context, my husband had tickets to very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends, but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

My husband keeps pointing to this and has made it clear it’s my turn to rearrange my holiday. However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible. I feel he is being intentionally difficult and doing this on purpose, whilst my friend had an unforeseen emergency.

This disagreement has seeped into other areas of my life and we are constantly squabbling and arguing. I am worried where this might lead.
AIBU to ask him to rearrange his leave.

I think YABU. I really do

he did book his first.

you haven’t booked yours yet so just tell your friends that you can’t go that week.

i feel a bit bad for your husband. He’s forfeited quite a lot and head said no.

you’ll have to get someone else to look after the kids

abricotine · 27/04/2025 15:31

CiscoTS · 27/04/2025 15:27

This.

I cannot believe you made him change his long planned holiday because of your friend. Whatever the emergency, that was beyond unreasonable.

I agree he could change his holiday now, but he probably won’t because he’s so bitter about last time. Quite right too.

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Agree with this. You put your friend and her family emergency before his long planned event. Yet couldn’t the other 7 besties have helped her instead? Or were their families and careers too busy?
I don’t blame him. I would not treat my husband this way. We make time for each other’s commitments, and once it’s in, it’s no longer free unless the other is happy and willing to change it.

TimeForABreak4 · 27/04/2025 15:31

Yabu, why should your husband's prearranged plans always be changed to accommodate your friends. You're not available that week, so you will all need to go back to the drawing board.

Sherararara · 27/04/2025 15:32

He isn’t asking 9 women to go rearrange their holiday. Just one

shuggles · 27/04/2025 15:33

@ThisPearlCritic However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible.

... Is your husband not also a busy person with a career and family?