Heard a rumour about long term partner [Content warning added by MNHQ: concerns rape]

[BM1987]

I have been with my partner for 5 years we have children together. It all happened really fast but we make the best of it. His family is very full of drama but it never involves DP so I just listen and move on. He is 40 - I am late 30s same as the women below.

Last night we were out and a women came up to me and told me that 20 years ago my DP forced himself on her pushed her head down and had sex with her. She then said it was rape but she has moved on now. And that he has been accused around 3 times but no one has take this to the police. I was obviously speechless. She then said there was a rumour he had sex with his sister! By this point I am processing alot.

I dont know whether to ask my DP about this or find out more information or just keep it locked up in his past.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

Sorry I forget there are perfect people on here

After he did it to me I was angry and felt betrayed by him. It never once crossed my mind that I wasn't the first person he had done this to.

It wasnt a drip feed I just rushed the post and was confused with a situation

Her current partner is best friends with the man who raped her? Is that right?

Yes they are good friends

The bar to perfect couple is not “he’s not a rapist”.

Poor woman

That is so odd. The poor lady who's partner wants to associate with her rapist. Sounds like his values are not right either. However that's not your priority right now.

You are in a difficult position but to be clear he's a multiple rapist. You can't trust what he may do in the future. You are in a vulnerable position and have young children to protect. You need to think about an exit plan and how to protect your children in the future. I hope you can find some real life support.

The whole 'the story adds up but her actions don't' thing is something that, if aimed at you, I think you'd find quite hurtful.

Most women don't report rape due to fears of not being believed. Many question themselves, blame themselves or try to cover it up and carry on, as you yourself did.

I think you should be showing her a little more grace, in honesty.

Confusing mess