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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband objects to me reading romance novels with sex scenes

157 replies

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 06:12

Firstly, I'm not reading the books for the sex scenes. I just like romance books and many of them happen to have a sex scene. I also read lots without sex scenes or "fade to black" scenes. Most of the time, I don't even know if the book has a sex scene, until I get to it, and then I skim over them because they're usually pretty cringe-worthy to read.

Anyway, my DH doesn't like them and gets in a huff when he sees me reading them. He thinks its adjacent to watching porn, which he doesn't do, and doesn't like the idea of me "lusting after fictional men"🙄. Imo, it's exactly the same as watching a movie, that happens to have a sex scene in, and we do that all the time.

I could just read romance without sex scenes, but that severely limits my choice. Sitting down with my coffee and reading my sappy books is honestly one of my favourite things to do and I'm reluctant to give it up. AIBU to want to continue reading my books?

OP posts:
FannyCradocksDoughnut · 27/04/2025 06:14

L T B

MrsCravensworth · 27/04/2025 06:15

He’s insecure over a book? That’s a new one on me.

BigHeadBertha · 27/04/2025 06:15

YANBU. He sounds quite insecure, controlling and repressed. Please make him go away.

Ellinor · 27/04/2025 06:15

Is this a Sunday morning joke? It
cant be real 😆

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 06:19

Thank you. Quick replies! Not a joke unfortunately haha.

To be clear, this isn't a massive issue in our relationship. He'll just sigh dramatically when he sees what I'm reading so I asked him what he objects to and we ended up laughing at the end of the conversation. Just looking to see if other people think he's being reasonable!

OP posts:
SlieveMiskish · 27/04/2025 06:19

Read it on a kindle, so he can’t be judging you, if it’s something you enjoy. It’s not akin to watching porn, as it’s fiction! Watching porn took real humans to do the acts, treating them as things over individual people.. and give him an earful bout being controlling..

Kittyfluff · 27/04/2025 06:23

He watches a lot of porn behind your back is my guess. It's like the cheating husband who can't help himself but to start accusing his wife of cheating on him because he's got a guilty conscience. Dead giveaway.

Shoxfordian · 27/04/2025 06:27

Nope to all that
Anything else he's an insecure idiot about? Bit of a red flag

BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 06:31

Listen: even if you were reading the books for the sex scenes it's not a problem.
I'm guessing these are normal books which can be bought over the counter? Go for it. He's obviously feeling inadequate.

StarlightLady · 27/04/2025 06:32

Honestly! Men! Many of the great classics had sex scenes. How controlling can he get? Just tell him you’ll give up the books and watch porn instead! 😀

CurlewKate · 27/04/2025 06:33

Does he have a problem with you masturbating?

GettingFestiveNow · 27/04/2025 06:33

Get Lady Chatterley's Lover on audiobook and listen to it (loudly) while you are doing housework.

MsBette · 27/04/2025 06:44

Sounds ridiculous.

BookArt55 · 27/04/2025 06:51

Ridiculous. Even if you were reading 50 Shades of Grey, it is ridiculous. It's just a book, just as you say it is like a film. I'd be asking why it takes him feel insecure. It's nothing like porn.

TheGhostOfPatButcher · 27/04/2025 06:54

I suggest from now on that every time you're watching a film and there's a sex scene, you leap up, huff dramatically and put your hands over his eyes because you don't want him fantasising over fictional women.

Devilsmommy · 27/04/2025 06:54

If my husband tried to have a whine about what I was reading I'd tell him to kindly go fuck himself. Sex is all over the TV nowadays so I don't see why a book would be worse🤔

330ml · 27/04/2025 07:00

How does he know there are sex scenes in the books you read?

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:03

CurlewKate · 27/04/2025 06:33

Does he have a problem with you masturbating?

No, no problem with me masturbating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:03

GettingFestiveNow · 27/04/2025 06:33

Get Lady Chatterley's Lover on audiobook and listen to it (loudly) while you are doing housework.

I might just do this 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:04

330ml · 27/04/2025 07:00

How does he know there are sex scenes in the books you read?

He read one over my shoulder once and now he asks, when he sees me reading.

OP posts:
Ariel896 · 27/04/2025 07:05

😂 this can’t be real!
I don’t know where to start…
Of course he doesn’t watch porn.. 🙄
Does he remain full clothed during the terrible deed with just a tiny hole cut out for his shrinkadink to poke through

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:06

Ariel896 · 27/04/2025 07:05

😂 this can’t be real!
I don’t know where to start…
Of course he doesn’t watch porn.. 🙄
Does he remain full clothed during the terrible deed with just a tiny hole cut out for his shrinkadink to poke through

I'm quite certain he doesn't watch porn. He's very open about having had a porn addiction in his teens and early twenties so he's very anti-porn now.

Possibly why this gets his back up!

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 27/04/2025 07:07

I think he is being ridiculous, but if a man was reading the same which does exist for men women would say it was cheap and sleazy and the usual mentione of red flags, and yes 50 shades is porn and similar books no one should comment on anyone reading it but I won't pretend it is not all porn

It is not one thing for women and a different thing for men

Lemon1111 · 27/04/2025 07:07

Wow- I don’t even know where to begin with this? Why is he so insecure!? Next time a sex scene comes on tv turn it off immediately. 🙄

TY78910 · 27/04/2025 07:07

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:04

He read one over my shoulder once and now he asks, when he sees me reading.

Show quote history

That is very OTT in so many ways. It’s a book! It’s not like you’re drooling over it in front of him!