Husband objects to me reading romance novels with sex scenes

[Utterlyincandescently]

Firstly, I'm not reading the books for the sex scenes. I just like romance books and many of them happen to have a sex scene. I also read lots without sex scenes or "fade to black" scenes. Most of the time, I don't even know if the book has a sex scene, until I get to it, and then I skim over them because they're usually pretty cringe-worthy to read.

Anyway, my DH doesn't like them and gets in a huff when he sees me reading them. He thinks its adjacent to watching porn, which he doesn't do, and doesn't like the idea of me "lusting after fictional men"🙄. Imo, it's exactly the same as watching a movie, that happens to have a sex scene in, and we do that all the time.

I could just read romance without sex scenes, but that severely limits my choice. Sitting down with my coffee and reading my sappy books is honestly one of my favourite things to do and I'm reluctant to give it up. AIBU to want to continue reading my books?

I've never conformed to those feminine traits either. A woman is an adult female and how she presents herself and what she reads is her choice. I've never worn high heels, never had my nails done, and I'm not scientific because I have an Arts degree. I just baulk at the way that certain female choices are automatically inferior to a male choice. I can see what you are saying now, though, which was not that. I was just really responding to the polarisation of women.

I don't understand what you're suppposed to do about it... skim through the book to check for sex scenes before you buy it? Google it? Stop reading as soon as looks like characters are going to get it on? Let your husband vet your books? This is bonkers 🤔

Porn is real people having sex. Mainstream films have real people faking sex. Both are exploitative of young women. Bonkbusters (and other romances) are books written by women for women and are about relationships and sex from a woman's viewpoint and exploit nobody.

I've had about three hours sleep, so forgive me for being less feminist than usual in my word choices.

I don't care what anyone reads or does. I have no issues with "girly girls" or "tomboys". I don't care if women are "one of the boys", want to stay home with the kids, want to remain child free and focus entirely on a career or anywhere in between.

I'm just talking about how romance novels are not an interest people would associate with me unless I told them. Much like they probably wouldn't guess I like blues music or growing succulents. You are reading far too much into a post on a thread about romance novels.

Maybe he wants her to stick to Enid Blyton.

I also like dystopian novels. And comedies. Not a massive fan of crime thrillers. Enjoy an autobiography. Like a classic.

I never said it was inferior to a male choice.

Just say as far as you are aware there aren't any, how can you tell until you've read it. Get him to read the books first and tear out any offending pages? (that is a joke before anyone gets offended)

He is being absolutely ridiculous.

Someone who watched so much porn they had a porn addiction is in no.position to criticise another person about reading some very mild fictional sex as part of a storyline.

Even if he didn't have a history of porn "addiction" ....it's still beyond fucking ridiculous that he wants to stop his partner from reading some romance with a bit of sex in it.

Because you might fancy or fantasise about a fictional character (??)

Insane.

It's controlling to a stratospheric degree.

your DH is being ridiculous

Where do people find these weird men? Just tell him it's nothing to do with him and he can keep his objections to himself.

No, however, your original post seemed to indicate that, however, you have clarified it. All good 👍

He does sound a bit prudish, but at least he's not into porn. Just carry on laughing about it, oops their at it, I'll have to skip the next couple of pages!

I'm usually more literate, DD had us up half the night then was wide awake at 5.30. Left most of my brain power in bed I think.

Also if neither of you ever have a crush or attraction to a character or actor etc at any point....... You are very very unusual humans.

It's beyond ridiculous to expect your partner to never have that. It's beyond ridiculous to expect your partner to never ever fantasise about anything or anyone but you & sex with you.
Imho that is not human nature.

You just don't rub it in their face.

And reading some romance novels with a few sex scenes with not even real people is not rubbing it in their face.

Or maybe "Oops they're at it, would you mind checking when it's over and pointing me to the paragraph where I can start reading again" and then he has to read it 😂

I read the most filthy erotic romance novels. They're utterly scandalous and I love them.

My also doesn't watch porn because he says he can't guarantee the women weren't coerced, trafficked or abused.

He doesn't care about my books because they are fiction, I enjoy them and also they are really helpful for my libido. I find that my libido is like a muscle, the more I use it in various ways, the healthier it is.

I wouldn't be okay with my DH is he tried to shame me for them. It reminds me too much of my religious upbringing where anything to do with a woman's sexuality was seen as shameful and something she would repent for.

There's nothing wrong with your books and also there's extremely well written romance novels where the sex is amazing, not cringe at all.

Is he choosing not to watch porn or did you ask him not to? Porn and books are not the same thing but I'm trying to figure out his logic.

Say "No", then.

A prudish ex porn addict - hmm.

He's specifically said he's pissed off she might be fancying or fantasising about a fictional character.

She's apparently not but even if she was, that would be fairly normal human behaviour.

You don't have the right to control and possess every thought in someone's head, including their romantic & sexual fantasies.

It's beyond controlling.

I thought most people grew out of this as teenagers. Or weren't even that poorly adjusted as teenagers to begin with.

Sorry but what a wanker. I picked yabu, but actually meaning that you weren't, but your dh was being unreasonable, probably the wrong choice.

You'll have to get your dominatrix suit on for supper 😁
Not serious

Porn magazines with photos of real women is different than fictional books.

The exploitation of women in a patriarchal society when women's bodies are treated as a commodity is what a lot of us have an issue with on here.

Fiction harms no one. No one is trafficked, taken advantage of, feeling shame or regret, being pressured or in dangerous situations.

I also don't think women expect their men to be 6ft5 mafia bosses.
Whereas there is a huge problem with men expecting women to emulate and be like porn stars.
Hence the threads we see on here where men think anal and choking etc are "normal and just a part of sex".

Or the threads where they criticise OP's labia or sex positions.

I had a man once who told me to watch porn to learn how to moan in a sexy way.

So it's really not the same thing at all.

Nope, not reasonable to me. More like controlling.

He sounds like a decent bloke with the right intentions to me.

He sounds like a controlling, childish nutter to me.