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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband objects to me reading romance novels with sex scenes

157 replies

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 06:12

Firstly, I'm not reading the books for the sex scenes. I just like romance books and many of them happen to have a sex scene. I also read lots without sex scenes or "fade to black" scenes. Most of the time, I don't even know if the book has a sex scene, until I get to it, and then I skim over them because they're usually pretty cringe-worthy to read.

Anyway, my DH doesn't like them and gets in a huff when he sees me reading them. He thinks its adjacent to watching porn, which he doesn't do, and doesn't like the idea of me "lusting after fictional men"🙄. Imo, it's exactly the same as watching a movie, that happens to have a sex scene in, and we do that all the time.

I could just read romance without sex scenes, but that severely limits my choice. Sitting down with my coffee and reading my sappy books is honestly one of my favourite things to do and I'm reluctant to give it up. AIBU to want to continue reading my books?

OP posts:
Ariel896 · 27/04/2025 07:07

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:06

I'm quite certain he doesn't watch porn. He's very open about having had a porn addiction in his teens and early twenties so he's very anti-porn now.

Possibly why this gets his back up!

Show quote history

So he’s projecting his own issues onto you then?

SaladSandwichesForTea · 27/04/2025 07:08

Teenage me would have given a reciprocal huff about sex scenes on TV on the basis of having a warped sense of levelling the playing field.

Adult me, who doesn't need a man, would give a clear boundary: take me or leave me as I am but I'm not going to stop reading my books and I'm not going to put up.woth your huffs about it. Once more and you can pack your bags because insecurity and a lifetime of huffs isn't sexy or what I want in a man. Your choice., mate.

GroovyChick87 · 27/04/2025 07:08

That's incredibly controlling. I could not put up with that. My husband doesn't like it if I watch anything with a particular actor in who I fancy but that's because I've gone on about him so I do get it. And he just asks that I watch in my own time so he knows I still do. I think that's reasonable. But yours is just a book. Is it possible he feels your sex life is lacking and he thinks you're getting worked up over the books? Or are you reading when he would like some conversation from you? I read a lot but not really when we're in the same room.

Miaowzabella · 27/04/2025 07:11

Have you tried asking him to act out the sexiest scenes with you?

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:11

Guaranteed he's controlling about other things as well and you've just lost your sense of what's normal or acceptable

Poorabbeywalsh2 · 27/04/2025 07:11

200% yanbu. You may read what the hell you like, after all, they are your eyes 😆
Men !!!!!!

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:12

Ariel896 · 27/04/2025 07:07

So he’s projecting his own issues onto you then?

Show quote history

I'm guessing this is probably the issue, yes.

He's not controlling in any other way at all though. We just need to have another conversation about this, I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:15

GroovyChick87 · 27/04/2025 07:08

That's incredibly controlling. I could not put up with that. My husband doesn't like it if I watch anything with a particular actor in who I fancy but that's because I've gone on about him so I do get it. And he just asks that I watch in my own time so he knows I still do. I think that's reasonable. But yours is just a book. Is it possible he feels your sex life is lacking and he thinks you're getting worked up over the books? Or are you reading when he would like some conversation from you? I read a lot but not really when we're in the same room.

I don't think so. We have a good sex life, sex almost everyday and we're both satisfied.

I do read in the same room as him, but only when he's tinkering with his own projects.

OP posts:
CalicoPusscat · 27/04/2025 07:15

Huh? It's a book.
Doubt it's the raciest thing on the planet.

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:16

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:11

Guaranteed he's controlling about other things as well and you've just lost your sense of what's normal or acceptable

I don't think this is true. We're both very independent people.

OP posts:
Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:17

CalicoPusscat · 27/04/2025 07:15

Huh? It's a book.
Doubt it's the raciest thing on the planet.

You'd be surprised then 😂🙈

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 27/04/2025 07:18

SlieveMiskish · 27/04/2025 06:19

Read it on a kindle, so he can’t be judging you, if it’s something you enjoy. It’s not akin to watching porn, as it’s fiction! Watching porn took real humans to do the acts, treating them as things over individual people.. and give him an earful bout being controlling..

This. Definitely not the same as watching porn.
But yeah, he sounds really ridiculous, controlling, odd! I’d have thought reading a steamy section in a book would get you all fired up for a steamy night in bed! (Again, different to porn!)

Cynicalaboutall · 27/04/2025 07:19

Get a copy of “A Brief History of Time” or similar, remove dust jacket, slip dust jacket over copy of romance novel and read..easy!
Also tell him not to be an arsehole!

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/04/2025 07:20

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:16

I don't think this is true. We're both very independent people.

Show quote history

It clearly is true. As you’ve felt the need to ask us if he was justified in making what is quite blatantly an insanely controlling request and your OP is full of you justifying yourself (I read lots without sex scenes, etc) when no justification is necessary.

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:21

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:16

I don't think this is true. We're both very independent people.

Show quote history

Does he have opinions about...

  • what you wear?
  • what you eat?
  • who you hang out with?
  • how much time you spend with your friends or relatives?
  • what time you come home from work?
  • who you vote for?

Because having opinions on what you choose to read is really unusually controlling.

Tablechairandpinecones · 27/04/2025 07:21

Since there is precisely zero possibility of any actual person in your “steamy books” being abused, trafficked, at risk of stds or harmed in anyway, he is being entirely unreasonable. He cannot control your imagination!

BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 07:21

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:16

I don't think this is true. We're both very independent people.

Show quote history

Doesn't sound it. Not having a pop, but just think about it.....why is he so threatened?

ladymalfoy45 · 27/04/2025 07:22

If it's not a Tina Falsom it's a tame sex scene.
Tiffany Reid's books are worth a go too.

MaryBeardsShoes · 27/04/2025 07:23

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:11

Guaranteed he's controlling about other things as well and you've just lost your sense of what's normal or acceptable

Oh pack it in you can’t possible have a clue! You really think you know OPs relationship better than she does! How obnoxious!

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:25

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:21

Does he have opinions about...

  • what you wear?
  • what you eat?
  • who you hang out with?
  • how much time you spend with your friends or relatives?
  • what time you come home from work?
  • who you vote for?

Because having opinions on what you choose to read is really unusually controlling.

Show quote history

Nope, no opinions, unless he's saying I look nice.

I think this is a projection of his own issues with porn.

OP posts:
BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 07:25

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:25

Nope, no opinions, unless he's saying I look nice.

I think this is a projection of his own issues with porn.

Show quote history

What are his issues with porn?

Gettoachiro · 27/04/2025 07:26

Crack on enjoying your books. He sounds like a right plonker.

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:26

BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 07:25

What are his issues with porn?

Show quote history

A porn addiction as a teenager. He's very anti-porn now, as a result.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 27/04/2025 07:28

Tell him they get you in the mood. He’ll be on Amazon getting you a stack of them.

LuluDelulu · 27/04/2025 07:29

He’s a control freak.