Husband objects to me reading romance novels with sex scenes

[Utterlyincandescently]

Firstly, I'm not reading the books for the sex scenes. I just like romance books and many of them happen to have a sex scene. I also read lots without sex scenes or "fade to black" scenes. Most of the time, I don't even know if the book has a sex scene, until I get to it, and then I skim over them because they're usually pretty cringe-worthy to read.

Anyway, my DH doesn't like them and gets in a huff when he sees me reading them. He thinks its adjacent to watching porn, which he doesn't do, and doesn't like the idea of me "lusting after fictional men"🙄. Imo, it's exactly the same as watching a movie, that happens to have a sex scene in, and we do that all the time.

I could just read romance without sex scenes, but that severely limits my choice. Sitting down with my coffee and reading my sappy books is honestly one of my favourite things to do and I'm reluctant to give it up. AIBU to want to continue reading my books?

Read a book called is my partner controlling in front of him and see how that goes down.

Everyone slagging off your husband!
Poor bloke. Recovers from something, shows concern about the same thing boiling your head.
In other ways encourages your sexuality completely.

Everyone going on about WATCHING porn, what about porn magazines ladies? Is written porn acceptable?
Would they be acceptable because they are words not films?
Women are so censorious of men here.
He sounds like a decent bloke with the right intentions to me.

My DH gives me a bit of affectionate stick about my "chick lit" preference for reading but it's because I'm not very "girly", and I am very scientific, analytical and such.

So it makes him chuckle that my reading choices are so "fluffy" (my words) because it's at odds with the rest of me. He doesn't actually care, just likes to take the mick (which is very accepted and reciprocal in our relationship).

I like them cos they're light, fun, easy to to read and a nice way to "escape" for half an hour. I spend a lot of time reading very heavy and dry papers and articles for work, so my outside of work reading choices have become much lighter than they used to.

You enjoy them OP. Tell DH to sod off next time he asks.

The answer to this is to laugh at him. Not take him seriously and ask Mumsnet if you should stop reading smutty books. Laugh at him!

Porn is real people doing fake sex for the entertainment of others. It's absolutely nothing like sex in a book.

That's what I was wondering unless the OP is reading them aloud.

That is certainly not why I object to men watching porn. I object to men watching porn because it exploits women and is bad for society for men to think at any level that consent is something you can buy. I often say on porn threads that there is plenty of of erotica if people need help with their imaginations.

It’s none of his business what you read.

It’s very different from porn. Porn exploits real women (and men). It presents its (predominantly male) audience with a warped view of sex because it doesn’t tend to show what women enjoy.

A book is simply the author’s imagination or experience.

This is odd to me on so many levels.

• Why is that something you’d say to your partner?
• How ‘worked up’ could the mere sight of an actor on screen get you that watching them alone is required?

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos you're scientific and analytical, so the opposite of "girly"? Why is girl used in a pejorative way?
"Chick lit" is just a way of diminishing some women's reading choices. Some men like reading those SAS type adventure books. It's all a personal choice and no-one is superior or inferior because of it.

Lol, of course he is

@AfricanGreenIf it doesn’t involve images of real people-then go for it.

He may be projecting but you do seem to be defending and downplaying his attempts to control.

He does have a problem with porn, he was addicted to it. Maybe he wants to read your sexy books but is frightened they may or do trigger his addiction.

I don't like porn so I guess it's my replacement for that. It's a fantasy but when I'm on my own that's what I go to. I don't know why I told him, we're open about most things but I learned pretty quickly that had gone past the boundary.

What kind of films does this actor appear in!?

We watched a Tom Hardy film last night and DH said "what a shame your boyfriend looks so bad in this one" cos he knows I like him.

But he's also secure enough in our relationship to know that I'm not disappearing off with Mr Hardy if he appears because it's very unlikely that just because I like looking at him I'll like living with him. Or that he'll want me.

Much like I have no issues with him watching Scarlett Johansson. Although tbh, I get the attraction there more than he gets Tom Hardy.

There's others. That's basically the point of actors isn't it? To ogle?

I don’t think I’ve ever heard or seen a single woman complain about their partner reading written porn. Have you?

To answer your question, these are the main issues people have with porn:

• It’s exploitative of women.
• Unrealistic and harmful depictions of women and female sexuality.
• Some of the women are trafficked.
• It’s addictive to habitual users.
• Some view it as cheating or cheating adjacent.

None of these issues is really present in written porn (apart from maybe the second, in a far more diluted form). That’s why words are acceptable, but not films.

Friend had issues like this but extreme. Banned magazines, turned off TV if it had racy scenes with attractive women. All very odd especially at the time because she was stunning to look at.

I find with men like the OP’s husband often their accusations are really projection and confessions.

He sounds a bit whiny, would be an ick for me.

So, you’re regularly wanking to an actor in mainstream, non-pornographic films and told your partner about it?

Alrighty.

Oh don't be reading too much into my choice of words there. Chick lit is a normal term for romance novels and I didn't say analytical was the opposite of girly. I've always been "not very girly" but not because I'm analytical. I work with a lot of analytical women who also love their make up and clothes and stuff whereas I can't think of anything worse than heels, make up, dresses and so on, for me. It's a thing I've struggled with my whole life, feeling less than because I don't conform to typical "feminine" traits.

But chick lit, light fluffy novels are great and that's what I said. In the context of a thread about romance novels.

He read over your shoulder?

LTB

I’ve never heard of this in my life! Is he worried that you’re going to ‘sort yourself out?’ 🤣

OP, It sounds as though it is maybe hard for him to have those books in the house while he is realistically still fighting an addiction. It's like if he had been previously an alcoholic and you were sipping a vodka on the couch. I think that probably would make it much harder for him to stay strong and resist doing it himself.

but it's because I'm not very "girly", and I am very scientific, analytical and such. So it makes him chuckle that my reading choices are so "fluffy" (my words) because it's at odds with the rest of me.

You don’t see how you have set being ‘girly and fluffy’ up as being in opposition to ‘scientific and analytical’, there?

Everything you’re writing is a bit NLOG (not like other girls) TM. You might want to think about why that is.

I suspect he's probably controlling in other ways too?

You should read some psychological thrillers for inspiration on how to dispose of an adult male sized body and other tips...

Non pornographic but he does do nude scenes. However it's usually just youtube shorts of him talking that I like to watch. He asked me about it and I was honest. I love my DH and I'm attracted to him, have never cheated, but I like fantasy when I'm on my own. Books and visual porn don't do it for me.