Friends husband running the marathon tomorrow but she’s not going to watch him

[ML5]

Just wondering - friends husband is running in the Marathon tomorrow but she’s not attending to watch him as she’s busy at home & even if she does go chances are she won’t be able to see him from the crowds she said. Is this a mean thing to do or AIBU to think that

Yes it mean, my husband has done marathon, triathlon and even an iron man distance triathlon I’ve always been there. The ironman was 14 hours long and we seen him on the course a few times and we are always at the finish to watch him over the line

It all depends really - does her DH want her to go? Is the running something she's fully on board with or has it dominated her life in a bad way for months? Has he run lots of marathons before?

Like any sport or hobby, expecting other people to come along and watch you do something with no real return for them is a bit of an ask. Even more so something like this that's a ball ache to get to, lots of waiting around, and when (assuming you don't miss them) you do see them it's for a few seconds. Going along occasionally, if the hobby has been something beneficial for your partner without being detrimental to you, is a nice thing to do for them and a fairly normal part of a good relationship. But hobby's aren't all like that. And going along when you are already resentful might be the straw that breaks...

A huge deal? Really? Dh runs at least one marathon a week. He’d laugh at the thought of actually entering an official marathon, would just be a mid range training run for him. 🤷‍♀️

She doesn't understand him.

I've watched my OH run a few marathons - far smaller than the London one - often watch the 'end' - I've had to drop him and collect him from them too.

It's not that interesting!

The London Marathon is huge- and honestly she probably wont see him unless he knows his time - and gets near the end - and even then it might be super busy

It really is none of your business..

My dad used to run marathons. I love my dad but omg it's such a time consuming hobby. Out running all the time, talking about running, expecting my mum to be stood in the cold and wet cheering him on. I don't know how she put up with it. DH runs races every so often, I drop him off and go for a coffee or round the shops.

Did you not post last week, asking whether YWBU to not watch your husband run the London marathon, because your friend had mentioned that you were being unfair?
Or maybe you really are the friend in which case I'm sure your friend was asking if she was being unreasonable.
I think if you are the wife and you are having this much trouble justifying not going then you should just go and watch.

I wouldn't either. I would come to see the very end and make sure I had a nice meal prepared for him and a hot bath for him too at home. No way would I be sitting out in the cold bored out of my skull.

To e fair, AIBU is almost never the place to post about the things you are most concerned about. Trivial shit is much more appropriate.

Why is the OP so 'concerned' about this though? It has absolutely ZERO to do with her. Unless (as I and some others suspect,) she is the runner - or the runner's partner. I can't imagine why anyone would give a shit about another person not being supported in their running by their partner!

This is my thinking: Unless she runs along with him, elbowing the cheering hordes out of the way, she's only going to be able to see him staggering past for a minute or so. And if (by arriving at sparrowfart) she gets a place near the finish, she'll have a very long day and may never see him at all.

I wouldn't be standing there either.

I ran it last year. DC and DH were there but I missed them. I did have my running club for support. It is so helpful having someone you know shout your name or give you a hug when you feel you can’t take another step. If the husband isn’t bothered then so what? I’m marshalling at it tomorrow - tell me his number and I’ll keep an eye out for him 😂. I don’t blame her for not going as it is tedious being an observer. But would be nice for her DH to have someone at the finish.

Not quite sure why you’re so bothered

Well maybe she's a "marathon widow" (if that's an expression) so she's forgotten about him. Golf, cycling, marathon running, I'm sure there are other time consuming hobbies that can build resentment at a partner never being around.
If my partner checked out of family life/relationship in favour of disappearing for hours for a hobby I'd not be inclined either!

It's bloody boring waiting for people to finish a run.

The views on this thread are so funny to me. I accidentally clicked you are being unreasonable but i meant to click the other one.
i am a runner to be fair but i do think its a bit of a poor show not to go and support, however that is caveated with a million things such as taking small children would not be fun, if it’s a long way from home that’s a big expense, if he’s done lots of marathons before then that could become dull etc. But generally I think that would be a nice thing to do. Appreciate London is super busy on marathon day and there is a risk you may miss each other but with some planning it should be fine.

i appreciate I am saying all of this from the viewpoint of a runner though, and I actually love going to watch, even if it’s not people I know. I enjoy the atmosphere, seeing the elites, seeing the fancy dress costumes etc.

Maybe she does not like crowds, maybe she find watching this type of event really boring.

Regardless it is none of your business whatsoever...

Yeah @writingsonthewall it is NO fun if you're not involved in the running. Incredibly boring actually. Same with most sports really. I thank God that my DH has naff-all interest in any sport. We very likely wouldn't be together otherwise. I would never have got with a man who was 'sporty,' or into any sport. And the relationship would struggle if he suddenly got into any sport. (Ain't gonna happen!)

I said SPORT a lot there, sorry!

If it were my DH I’d have a tracker on him. I’d try and catch him at the start, go sit in the pub with a book a few hours and then try and catch him at the end!

Retired marathon runner here.

Does he routinely run marathons/long distance? If so it’s just another day out for him and that it’s the London marathon is just another day for him.

If he’s not a seasoned runner the the training over the last few months will have been brutal and all consuming. In which case you’d “friend” will have been left carrying the can on the childcare whilst the DH spends his tues and Thursday nights and all day Sunday running for hours on end, and then coming home and talking about it for hours on end.

its either no big deal or she’s sick to the back teeth of hearing about it, and both of these are absolutely fine.

Why would you care? if you're so concerned about him having a fan club to cheer him on then go down and do it yourself.

But if he's not even your friend what difference does it make. I wouldn't physically be able to tolerate standing around in a large crowd in order to witness someone I knew running past amongst thousands of others for a few seconds.

It's not my cup of tea at all. But if you want to watch it why not go down there?

How many has he run? My dad did several marathons and we probably only went to the first two.

Sounds like you are talking about some bloke you fancy and his totally sensible wife.

Not your friends DH. Definitely not your friend…