To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

I wonder whether this is a problem that won’t exist any more, because I’m 40 and my generation haven’t been told that your periods simply stop. Maybe your generation was the last to be told that?

My GP said that if you can’t take the pill because of the side effects you won’t be able to take HRT.

I think it’s typical that there’s little to no research into menopause and we don’t have a range of options for treatment.

But did you never talk to other women- see your mum or older relatives having symptoms?

I'm decades older than you and certainly knew that the menopause came with symptoms. Even if you didn't have family etc who were experiencing it, there is plenty of info out there and has been for years and years. I started peri around 20 years ago and can assure you there were discussions on menopause then!

Saying you weren't old more at school when you were 14 is a bit of a weak argument. It's not up to a teacher to cover all the symptoms of meno to a mixed class of 14 year olds.

HRT IS a fix for millions of women and from what you posted before it comes over as if you gave up on it very quickly without trying different types and doses.

I haven’t missed it 😦
It is still a lie. I was lied too at the “girl talk” in school
I am lied to now that HRT will make things better, it didn't.
Omission is still a lie !
We are not told the truth, that for some women getting the right treatment is not easy because the menopause is not understood even by medical professionals. My GP basically told me make up your own mind, it’s a personal decision!

It's not typical it's just a stupid GP.

There's lots of research into menopause but your GP clearly hasn't bothered to update themselves.

HRT is totally different to the Pill.

Maybe you need HRT to help your anger. :)

You were not lied to. You chose not to read anything about it and are trying to blame other people.

Thinking your teachers were going to give an in depth talk on menopause is quite ridiculous- they aren't doctors or nurses.

It's hard to believe that you had that 'innocent' idea of your periods just stopping. I don't know a single woman my age (older than you and we heard zero about menopause in the early 1970s at school) so I just can't believe you.

Exactly ! Info overload that often is confusing and contradictory.

Following your 'logic' you could also say you were 'lied to' about periods as no one told you about flooding, pain, endometriosis, adenomyosis, fibroids, etc. and the treatment for those.
Or are you going to blame teachers for not covering those?

Because it's no different, is it? Expecting a teacher to go into depth on menopause is completely unbelievable.

Where were your female relatives in all of this?

Where were you?

You can't avoid info about the menopause and it's been like this for at least 5 years if not longer. You obviously weren't listening, watching or reading.

Your GP is right in so much as it's your choice so you can't pass that blame to others.

There is masses of info shared on the menopause part of Mumsnet. If you went over to that part you might get help to find the right HRT which seems to be your issue. we'd all be happy to help.

No need to be so rude surely.
This is my experience actually.

I'm just being honest, not rude. Even if your mum wasn't around to ask did you not have other females in the family or colleagues?

Even in my teens when working as a student ( in the 1970s)I was aware of older colleagues moaning about hot flushes and heavy periods etc because of menopause.

Just want to say yes its total shit during it. But come out the other side and it's great. It will pass and yes normality is just around the corner.

This is a myth.

It never passes. estrogen loss is forever. Flushes etc may subside but other diseases linked to loss of estrogen can start.

Around 15% of women have flushes etc for life.

My consultant has women in their 90s on hrt.

But I do know many women in their 60s and 70s who've never taken HRT and feel great. My MIL is one of these. She's 83 and has more energy than me! Never had a hot flush. My mum's also doing brilliantly at 77. She had the usual symptoms during peri and menopause but it all settled down afterwards. So yes, whilst some women suffer post-menopause it's not everyone.

Not everyone has mothers who discuss these issues openly. My mother is in her 80s and she never mentioned menopause once. When I was 10 or 11 and about to start my periods, she gave me a book to read and after i'd finished reading it, asked whether I had any questions. Sex, pregnancy, periods, menopause - all fell under the umbrella of things which were not to be discussed. My experience is not unique, many of my friends of a similar age have mothers who just did not talk about women's issues.

As I said a long way up the thread, although discussion about menopause in the media seems to be absolutely everywhere, this has just been the case for the last 10 years. Before that it was never mentioned, except for discussion in hushed tones about "the change".

Agree, mine took a few adjustments to get right but it’s been a life saver

@JinglingSpringbells this was 20 years ago, but anecdotally many women I know who struggled with the pill struggle with HRT.

Whilst there has been lots of awareness raised around menopause there hasn’t been anywhere near the level of research as there has been into ED or male pattern baldness.

There is very little research into women only conditions, generally speaking they don’t even include women in drug tests as our hormone cycles affect the data.

My mum was totally open with me and she started the day she had a hot flush, where as I had to slightly fight for it as I was “only 44” my symptoms have been totally different. My mum had hot flushes and the capillaries in her face burst. I’ve had sweats, flushes, sleep disturbance and brain fog.

My periods and child birth experience were completely different to her too.

It took over a year for me to get my HRT to the right dosage. It takes time and if you have a good GP they will work with you and adjust the dosages. It will not work for all women but you said you 'tried' it, how long were you on it. Most GP's will start you on the lowest dose and that made no difference to me.

In addition, I take 9 supplements. I have worked on what works for me over 18 months. I am not symptom free but much better than I was.

Yes, but there ARE reasons why, just that nobody seems interested in looking into them.
Painful periods - go on the pill and no investigations done into why someone might have painful periods.

Again, while it's true that there's a lot more awareness in the last few years of all the different symptoms that we can have, it's not true that even 20 years ago people thought your period just stopped. People were very aware of hot flushes and moodiness. I can't believe you'd never heard of hot flushes.

As for HRT, there's a poster on this thread who swears that it always works if at the right dose so I'm curious about that. Why did it not work for you? Does it just not work for some people or did you not have the right hormones/dose?

And as I mentioned before, it was covered on TV. Blanche had the hot flushes in Golden Girls. There were multiple storylines about women thinking they were pregnant only to find it was 'the change' or the other way around. It wasn't a massive secret in the 80s and 90s.

So maybe we should think of it as a hormone deficiency rather than a hormone imbalance. This begs the question of whether everyone should take HRT and not just those with difficult symptoms.

Then we ought to medicate little girls from birth to puberty, following that 'logic'.

It is a natural progression, signalling the end of a woman's childbearing years, not a disastrous loss; and people who need or want to can go on HRT.

I suspect it's the same with endometriosis. Women are fobbed off, and it's massively under-diagnosed. The medical profession is mainly run by men, hence 'women's problems'.

Yep, perimenopause has been absolutely shite. Apart from brief respite for about a week, three weeks of my cycle now are awful..

I've suffered for 5 years so far in perimenopause after my youngest daughter was born. Horrible debilitating symptoms that nobody ever told me would be associated with hormones: really sore feet, swollen and bleeding gums that make me cry cleaning my teeth, migraines that horrible, panic attacks, burning mouth syndrome, even worse brain fog than before...

Plus, all of those on top of the symptoms I have from my medication induced neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that was caused by some prescribed off label antipsychotic after a head injury and post concussion syndrome a decade ago 😳

Yep, life is peachy. (!) And as I'm now oversensitive to the side effects of medication that will exacerbate my movement disorder symptoms, I am terrified to try HRT.

I'm terrified of dementia, terrified of my perimenopause symptoms getting worse, terrified of my movement disorder symptoms getting worse once the oestrogen affects my dopamine as it gets lower.

I feel like I was dealt a crap hand and it sucks.

Rant over. I try every day to be positive and count my blessings, especially as I've got three wonderful children. I'm very lucky in that respect, and when I an feeling depressed about my health, it helps to keep going for them.