To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

YANBU. The menopause has been one of the great taboos. Mainly because it’s an issue which affects women and particularly older women who are treated largely as invisible and irrelevant by our society. I haven’t had a particularly difficult menopause by comparison to many but I am also struck that women have managed something that until recently was not spoken about at all.

Anecdotally I think it does get better and many women seem to have a new lease of life when they come through it (I am not there yet but I’m told this).

FWIW my two silver bullet recommendations (apart from HRT which you have said doesn’t work) are;

• avoiding alcohol. Drinking even moderately makes it a million times worse
• exercise. I couldn’t manage menopause without running. It has saved my sanity

I’m thinking the same thing. I find sex hurts for a couple of days afterwards and I get a uti if I have sex more than once in a week. Night sweats were resolved with HRT but the brain fog continues. I had terrible anxiety (for the first time in my life!) but that’s for the most part resolved

Im in the thick of it as well. I’m ok for the first two weeks of the month on HRT, the second two weeks are awful- but still better than I was without HRT. I cry at anything and the anxiety is absolutely awful. Sometimes I don’t know how to manage how unreasonable it makes me feel. And I try all the supplements, healthy diet, exercise etc etc stuff as well. Nothing seems to stop it.
Sorry I’m not being much help, but sometimes knowing someone else is going through the same thing can be helpful. It’s the worst! X

Ok so I must admit I lazy and don’t exercise, so that’s a good tip.
I don’t drink so that not a loss.
how long does it take to come out the other side though? I’m years in and honestly feel worse as the months roll on.

That sounds like vaginal atrophy. Have you seen a GP or had a gynae consult about this? You probably need some vaginal oestrogen either prescribed (ovestin) or OTC (Gina).

@Bradley28 I’m sorry you’re also in the thick of it.
my experience is much like yours. And I’m also noticing pmt like mood cycles but without periods, is that typical do you think?

its true as older women we are not given the health investment/research to understand the second half of our life. It’s just flipping pants to be frank!

the Doc is useless …saying it’s a personal decision. Well personally I feel shite.

It's not the same for everyone, I would like to know why that is. The struggling your experiencing sounds really debilitating. Why is it this way for some and not for others.

There are info courses about menopause at my work. I think that's helpful for bringing it out into the open. Even the fact that an email goes out about it is something.

HRT isn’t straightforward. It’s about finding the right balance for you. It can take a fair bit of tweaking to find the right “recipe”.

If your gp isn’t knowledgeable about this, try and find a women’s specialist.

I am in induced menopause now. It is horrendous, all my peri symptoms have rocketed from annoying into really fucking aggravating.

Unlike many, I don’t feel I was lied to. My mum died when I was in my 20s so I have always had to seek out information on women’s health my entire adulthood. So there was not anyone to lie to me.

Can I please clarify: are you in peri or menopause? I have caught up with the idea that peri is tough while the hormones fluctuate but thought it settled thereafter?

Why are people voting yabu?!

How old are you? It can take a while to get her right

i lersknally have found that getting treatment has been easy. But it so in a like luck of the draw

tamsan fadal (spelling?) has just written a book that you might find helpful

Yes. I've struggled with PMD and PND and even a negative reaction to the hormones associated with breastfeeding. I went crazy on the pill and can't have hormonal contraception...
So when I was younger I always dreamt of the idyllic time in later life I'd have without pregnancy and periods..

What a let down.
Beginning peri now and I'm absolutely a mess. And I know full well this could be going on 20 years..
As my mum casually mentioned she was still struggling approaching 60!!! And I'm only late 30s now..

I think if you get the HRT dose right and stick with it, life can really become comfortable again.
I had HRT when the low moods and poor sleep became unbearable and it really put me back on my feet.
I've carried on and upped the dose as and when needed and it's fine day to day now.
It is crap though the lack of clear information. I suffered for about 3 years not realising I was in Peri Menopause and couldn't sleep my hip was killing me, bought a special pillow, feet were killing me etc, then as soon as I got HRT all that went away!
I couldn't believe how painful my hip had been and then nothing!

I experienced similar from peri menopause. I was crying easily, feeling deflated, had a coil fitted, the coil has really made a difference alongside a low dose of ssri medication.
I feel so much better, haven't cried in months.
It might be worth trying.

Sorry but why the fuck does it have to be called Vaginal Atrophy? 😆

I've heard about it and that gel is good, but atrophy ffs 😂

Consider trying HRT again,if appropriate, OP. Mine has made me feel like myself again. Some friends have been given HRT options that didn’t suit them. There are a number of combinations and doses. It might be worth re-trying as it was a bloody miracle for me, and I’d always thought I wouldn’t use HRT.

Also, I second the topical oestrogen for your vagina. I wish I’d been more aware of it, less scared of it - and started it earlier.

You're absolutely right. Especially the part about the school nurse telling you you only get a break from periods if you're having a baby (but that's not a good reason to get pregnant) and how lovely it is when they stop. I can only assume that as an 11 year old, I believed she knew, but she hadn't actually got there herself yet.

Because that’s what it is? Obviously the extent of it varies, but the vagina and the cells in it do atrophy and, well, shrivel. News to me was that the clitoris can shrink significantly too.

I think the OP means that it's kept a massive secret that the vast majority of us never find out about until we experience it. I've been saying this for the 14 years since I hit menopause.

Could you please let me know how you resolved your anxiety, mine is terrible

Yes, clitoral shrinkage is another secret they kept from me.

Menopause is easier if you seriously increase the self care: eat well, exercise more, eliminate stress (as much as you can) and supplements.

I keep getting advertised a sort of vibrator that emits red light that is meant to be really helpful for vaginal issues associated with peri/meno. Think it's called Essy or something... Will drop a link if I find it.

Im not sure if I'm in it or not. Mostly I'm just suffering from horrific PMDD which drives me to feeling almost suicidal on a regular basis and it's just for a day or two then it goes, only now it's started popping up more than once a month (waiting to see if there's the same pattern to it). Im waiting to talk to my GP but honestly, it isn't exaggerating to say that it is ruining g my all over mental health.

And I already exercise and don't drink. Soon I'll probably have to stop eating chocolate or having sex or dancing or anything else thatmakes life even vaguely worth living and then I may as well just give up entirely.
Sorry. Bit glum today due to yesterday being PMDD day and it causing a massive issue with DP.

So is mine