To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

I'm peri and currently resemble a tree trunk around my middle despite barely eating and exercising regularly. So pissed off with it and don't even start me on the random smells, I'm driving myself insane thinking things are on fire.

I feel there is a far better knowledge of thr menopause/perimenopause than ever. Loads of coverage on tv, as an employer I've had loads of emails about supporting menopausal women at work (even though I'm the only one!)
I'm on hrt, which I would struggle to live without, but I do feel there is so much more info out there now

I’m the opposite. Keep dreading all these huge horrendous symptoms, especially as my mother was a horrible psycho on the menopause, but apart from a few hot flushes and a bit of middle aged spread it’s ok. Not every experience is the same.

Secret?! How? Information on it has been at our fingertips for over 20yrs, and in published books for decades before that. It just hasn’t been dramatised on the telly.

You’re joking, there has been loads of stuff about it for the past few years, lots of tv programmes, articles in magazines and newspapers, stuff on social media. Also lots of celebs talking about what a terrible time they have had. I’m sick of hearing about it.

You haven't been "lied to", OP. It's just that individuals have very different experiences.
If anything, I would say that the current trend is to make out that menopause is always awful - which it isn't. For some of us, like me, it really is just a case of your periods stop and everything is hunky dory.
I'm sorry you're struggling, OP, so I hope you get help - but don't blame other people.

see neither of those things helped me at all.

Kindly OP, did you not do any research since your schooldays?

Have you tried the oestrogen gel? I get recurring UTIs and do two things: I have anti biotics that I take after sex, and I also use the oestrogen gel on my vagina. It's not the HRT one it's one specifically for that use. Since using it I haven't needed the anti biotics. Speak to your GP about it it's been so good for me.

Really? I find all I am constantly told and there is so much info on how awful the menopause is and that my life will be over. I'll have hot flushes, bad skin, become unemployed and unemployable, no sex life, will scream and shout at people. Menopause info is everywhere and it's all bad

For the past five years the menopause has (rightly) been discussed everywhere. Davina McCall’s TV campaign, all over magazines and the internet. As a 46 year old woman, I have or hear a conversation about some aspect of it every single day. YANBU to think that women need to talk about this and have support but I do think that the taboo has been lifted.

Are you on Facebook? There’s a brilliant group called Menopause, Perimenopause Let’s Enjoy Living UK Based where you can get excellent advice and support. HRT isn’t a one size fits all, it needs tweaking until you find your fit. It’s changed my life now I’m on the right stuff.

But also, it might not be for you at all! I also take fish oil, magnesium and Vitamin D. Walk every day. I’m still forgetting words, I have a couple of tearful days a month and I creak in the mornings 😁 But I’m 20x better than I was a year ago.

Good luck with it all. We have a lot on our shoulders at this age.

"Why does no one tell you this" ???
Are you for real? There is a plethora of posts in this forum plus a whole universe of content out there that clearly state the symptoms including mood changes.
It is quite immature to blame your lack of education on the matter to the outside world.
Menopause is a very challenging phase but thankfully there is a wealth of information that prepare women for this. Your lack of awareness on the matter is baffling.
It will get better though. Sending love and strength.

Why are people voting yabu?!
Firstly because the plethora of information about the menopause is deafening and secondly because for many; my friends,my sisters and myself as examples, the menopause has been nothing more than periods stopping.

Vagina atrophy can mimic UTI like cystitis and thrush

you need to have vagina pesseries like vagifem vagifrux or if your over 50 you can get My Gina from boots over the counter

plus estriol cream to use externally
to get the skin thicker
the loss of estrogen in menopause causes thinner skin which in turn causes VA and the mimicking of uti / thrush and paper cut like tears on the vulva area

you can also get a private prescription for intrarosa / testosterone from a menopaus clinic like Newsons Health

you can also get a HRT prescription for I think 20 a year which will cover pretty much all your HRT

VA can cause your labia and clit to shrink 😂

There is also a really good Facebook group called vagina atrophy / Genitourinary group which is really good with regards to I formation on VA and the symptoms

My cancer drugs brought on early menopause, and the nature ofcthe cancer meant I couldn't have HRT.
now have osteoporosis as a secondary side-effect.
But I am alive and grateful, even tho the symptoms went on for 3 years.
But, how can you not have read-up on the whole process, pros and cons? To believe it was just a cessation of periods is just lazy; it's a major life event. Why wouldn't you want to know what to expect.
Sorry, but my sympathy gene has temporarily left the building.

Because that's what it is.
What flowery/let's not use real words language would you use?

Why does no one tell you this.

Everybody tells you this, these days. You can't move for Davina McCall or someone talking about the menopause.

If you don't know about it you have to have worked hard not to.

I’m 39 & just started HRT. Life changing.

If it wasn’t for all the information out there about peri/meno I would never have realised what I was experiencing was peri and that I could get help for it.

There are an abundance of excellent podcasts on the subject. Because of them, as well as HRT, I now take collagen (proper research backed stuff not the marine stuff), creatine, wear a weighted vest to walk my dog, weight train, eat a Mediterranean diet. I feel and look better than I have for 15 years!

HRT was a game changer though. It took months to find the right method, combination and dosage but it’s been so worth it. I highly recommend I private specialist over your GP. The Newson Clinic or Menopause Care. There’s loads.

Not to mention the lifelong benefits of supplementing estrogen. It has a protective benefit on your heart, brain, joints…basically every where.

My bloody tinnitus has gone because estrogen protects your inner ear so once you have enough the tinnitus goes away! Same with vertigo. It’s amazing stuff. Bathe me in it.

I know what you're saying OP and think it's true historically but now I feel like menopause is a big topic of conversation amongst my friends (43-50), work has a well publicised policy and there's lots in the public eye eg Davina McCall etc.

I haven't started in earnest but feel quite anxious about it as a result as I've heard it's awful! 😆

I think this is the crux of it- it’s not the same for everyone. Like periods are not the same.

Yes I agree. It’s important to be aware of symptoms etc but for many women it can be as simple as periods stopping. It’s a bit like periods - some get it worse than others.

I’ve been prescribed estriol about a week ago. I really hope it works!