To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

Thanks but my symptoms haven't changed. They are exactly the same as in my 40s.

Yes that's the scan.

You only need a scan if there are symptoms that are concerning.

Women absorb estrogen differently. I am on a lower dose of HRT than a friend who has very light withdrawal bleeds whereas mine are heavy.

If using a 50mcg patch doesn' t control your symptoms then yes, you need the 75.

Topical oestrogen would help you here; I use Estriol cream. I had to be quite firm about getting it prescribed and put on repeat though; I started going through the menopause in my late 40s and was getting what I thought was bladder problems, the practice nurse even asked me "What are you doing to get all these water infections?" All my urine samples were clear; it turned out to be vaginal atrophy!! I just needed some oestrogen cream, felt better straight away. It's so frustrating when gps and practice staff don't listen! 😡

Are you having mammograms at least every 3 years and have you mentioned this swelling/soreness etc at the time?

I think it’s pretty well publicised?!

What would you like me to say? 'Yes' seems about the best thing.

What an extraordinary thing to say.

I believe they have quite high colorectal cancer and gasto issue so what's your theory there, that they talk about their bowels a lot?

Yes,last one a year ago,all normal.

I'll say what I like. If you find it 'extraordinary', that's your problem.

Well yes we can all say what we like but you've just said Japanese women don't have meno problems because they don't talk about it. Bit like women in this country in the 50s who sailed through it with their valium prescriptions.

They maybe do have problems but how would you know as they don't seek help and support?

I'm not a fan on over medicalising the menopause with celebs pushing hrt but I dont think Japanese women not discussing their health concerns is particularly relevant tbh.

Unfortunately I believe there are often no answers to menopausal issues. My strategy has always been to deal with symptoms as they arise & make the most of times I'm symptom free. Being a woman in later life is not for the faint hearted in many cases. Some sail through others have a lot to cope with. Recognising its normal is half the battle.

It’s not the same for everyone, though. I had one symptom, easily dealt with by my GP.

Testosterone can help with that

What helped me most was reading that Japanese women have hardly any symptoms - because they don't talk about it and don't make a fuss. It's not about telling women to 'hush', it's about seeing menopause as a natural and fulfilling stage of life.

^
Is this saying that Japanese women don't have symptoms, because they don't talk about it. Or their symptoms are so minor that they don't talk about it?
Or that talking about menopause initiates symptoms?

Decades ago women here didn't talk about it (except in innuendoes.) That didn't mean they weren't suffering.

You could say that a headache was 'natural' but it doesn't mean you don't take a tablet to help the pain.

I think you mean estrogen cream?

This has been so interesting to read-have been taking notes….had no idea Magnesium glycinate can help with anxiety. Can anyone recommend a good collagen pls?

I find that very, very odd!! Plenty of women suffer so badly that they end up having to give up work.

I joined a couple of menopause fora and I was shocked at how difficult some women have it.

Is it any wonder that women who do suffer feel so diminished that they don't want to talk about it, given the minimisation directed towards menopause, worst of all by other women!!

i think if it ain’t broke don’t fix it!

glad to hear it’s out there, it was a while ago we had the conversation. She couldn’t praise it highly enough (because she didn’t get on with the gel or patches)

Is it any wonder that women who do suffer feel so diminished that they don't want to talk about it, given the minimisation directed towards menopause, worst of all by other women!!

I do agree with this, there is definitely a sort of woman who feels all superior because SHE managed to sail through menopause with a couple of supplements and some positive thinking, unlike us lesser mortals who are gibbering quietly in the corner, desperate.

It's the same annoying cows women who crow loudly at ante natal groups about how THEY are going to have a natural birth with whale music for pain relief, or are at mother and baby groups telling anyone who'll listen that THEIR child sleeps through 10pm to 8am every night.

I don't think it was better when women didn't talk about it.

You may find it helps to discuss it when it happens to you.

That's very much how it comes across. Women should be able to talk about it, and information and proper support should be available. Just because you are lucky to sail through it, doesn't mean those who don't should be silent about it!

I've been in a meeting where two such 'gems' (pieces of work anyway but that's by the by!) crowed how they had barely noticed, and one mouthed off about the menopause policy, and how women would just abuse it! Senior women speaking out in front of a team of fairly senior people, a lot of them men. It was disgusting.

Just speaking for myself here but GP refused to offer HRT for heavy periods at 50 and told me not to worry as I only had a few years left. I think that I was lucky otherwise as no other symptoms. I do exercise a lot but am overweight and have been known to drink the occasional glass of wine !

Just adding to my previous post, my periods stopped totally at 55. Most of my friends have sailed through their menopause too, perhaps we are just lucky?

It may be the case many women sail through it. There are very few women who say they haven't had a loss of libido starting in perimenopause. It didn't affect me personally but I understand how it must make them feel especially if their partner is still rampant. It must be awful & it deserves to be spoken about imo.

Wait, so only if menopause is difficult can a woman talk about it? If a woman is sailing through it and she says that out loud, she’s an”annoying cow” who feels “all superior’”? Are you sure you’re not overly judging women who are simply sharing other than negative experiences of menopause? Yes some women struggle terribly, but others do not and it does younger women no good to only hear all bad or all good, they need the good and the bad.