To feel lied to about the menopause

[Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged]

I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

I voted YABU - always did my research from when I first got periods to now I'm through menopause. I never felt anyone lied to me, ever. I got some differing facts, stories and opinions from a mixture of family, friends, medical personnel and quacks but can honestly say I never felt lied to. Sorry if that's not even everyone else's experiences
I've had what I considered manageable periods and menopause so maybe that's different but I didn't sail through it either

I would love to hear if you or others can expand on dosage and gel please. My GP gave me the Evorel Sequi. I read about it and I cannot find any info that it is possible to adjust dosage. I am in peri menopause and been suffering from strong symptoms for 10 years now. I asked about gel and was told that is not recommended as more conplicated due to needing to take a separate progesterone. I am usually quite good at figuring out medical problems and researching medication but feeling totally at a loss here. And thank you to all who are sharing useful infornation, it is very much appreciated.

You're in your 50's - you seriously did no research/reading around the subject since you were at school ??! - there's enough threads on hear re menopause even if reading a book was a bit too much of a stretch.

Where have you been? I feared the menopause because of my mothers experience and all the horror stories I’d heard. As it was I sailed through it. There are books about it. Podcasts. Frequently talked about on Woman’s Hour. No one lied, you just haven’t been listening.

You need to change or challenge your GP @JoyfulLife
What you've been told is ridiculous.

There are 1000s of women on gel and a separate progesterone. I was given it over 15 years ago.

The only info you need is to ask for what you want.

There is info out there for example Menopause Matters website and look under the menu on the side bar for HRT/ types. I assume 'even' the NHS website has the info as well.

They will LISTEN. They will have at least some understanding and training about the myriad of menopausal symptoms and not just think it's hot flushes. They will not fob you off with antidepressants.

It is their knowledge and experience which you are paying for, and that is what is so totally lacking in many NHS GPs. They don't have access to any different HRT but will have experiences of prescribing a range of different options to their patients, and will understand your situation to be able to discuss what might work for you rather than some of the ridiculous prescribing you've read about on this thread - progesterone because "some of your womb may have been left behind" FFS.

Once you have your prescription you may be able to ask your GP to dispense it under the NHS, my GP was happy to do this.

It can be very straightforward but it’s not an exact science, you can be given contradictory even alarming advice even by experts, there can be complications & to top it all there are frequent shortages of your chosen ‘method’: the spray/patches NB; the much smaller, practical & better, estrodot patches are almost impossible to get hold of. So, you have to change method or patch strength sometimes. NB: para below.

If you bleed on continuous HRT you can feel it’s on you for mucking up the administration or for getting dosage wrong if you have a bleed. Despite reading up I still have no idea if you can have a period, still release odd egg on continuous HRT? To top it all GPs & even ‘experts’ don’t universally agree.

Now we hear weight loss jabs can affect absorption of progesterone causing unscheduled bleeding. Not sure all aware as yet. As the jabs get more widespread another potential issue.

It can be absolutely fine & likely most/many sail through.

thank you @JinglingSpringbells. I think I have been so worn down by GPs I started to give up. I will look into it. I never expected I would consider HRT due to mom's breast cancer so perhaps that is why I didn't look at it in depth. When you google what comes up is that these patches are best for peri m and there is no dose adjustement with them. Thank you again!

@SnoozingFox Thanks for your answer but how will they work out from the range of which is best? I guess what I'm asking is how will I know which is best so that I know if I'm happy with what they prescribe? It's all so ruddy complicated. Anyway I've got a callback with my GP tomorrow so will see how that goes first. Thanks for your input.

I feel the opposite.

I'm late 40s and terrified of the menopause (I'm on the pill so no idea if it's hitting or not) because I feel like I've been bombarded for the last few years with only negative information.

I don't understand how anyone, particularly on MN where almost anything negative a woman is talking about aged 35+ is told 'probably peri' could not have heard the unending horror stories of menopause and perimenopause.

Just remembered. On one of my visits to the GP to discuss my menopause issues I asked the (young, female) doctor how long this would last. She thought about it and said 6-12 months should see you through. When I told her it had already been 15 years she didn't know what to say.

Try navigating without HRT. You’ll have to come off it sometime and will deal with the symptoms then
deal with them while you have youth on your side.

Nope. You don't ever have to come off it.

The menopause has been ALL OVER the media for several years now. Davina McCall and Marielle Frostrup have done sterling work bringing it mainstream rather than, (hushed) "the change". How could you miss it?

Well…everything that IS hard for woman is silenced so 😒 not surprised!

I had to go on SSRI's for a couple of years when I hit menopause. It was just the same as you describe. I felt back to normal and came off them about 2 years later. Now HRT (patches) is all I need.

Exactly!

And like I said upthread, any post on MN by someone over the age of 35 and having a negative life experience being told that they're in peri..

The information I've gathered from MN and mainstream media over the last few years is that menopause or peri menopause (which could apply to anyone from their 30s for however many years) =

Anxiety, depression, Irritability, emotional disregulation, aggressive behaviour, hating people including loved ones and the world, clumsiness, horrific unpredictable bleeding, sweats at all times, inability to lose weight, uncontrolled eating, bloating, middle-torso weight which can't change, ageing 10 years or more in he face and body, facial hair, vaginal dryness and vaginal atrophy hair loss and thinning.

And Davina et al marketing all the things you didn't know you were supposed to need.

Special skincare, shampoo, nightwear, supplements.

I don't believe there's anyone on MN who was misled into thinking the menopause was a simple right of passage.

But I think there a lot of people who are misled into thinking it is always horrendous.

Im in peri menopause, I have had a few hot flushes, but I think the worst thing is the exhaustion and brian fog I seem to be getting. Dosent matter how much sleep I get, how much rest, I am tired all the time. I started taking the mini pill, which I think masks alot of the symptoms some women get like anxiety and mood swings.

It hit me like a brick wall and I had no idea what was wrong with me because I didn’t get hot flushes- and that’s all anyone talked about when talking about symptoms.

Now I know it’s a lot more than that!

But I think there a lot of people who are misled into thinking it is always horrendous.

Well said @SpoonyRedOtter

I had absolutely chronic itching down below to the extent I made myself bleed with scratching for around 16 months when menopause kicked in - I didn’t remember reading about that anywhere - mentioned it on here and loads of women said ‘same for me’ - mind you I had some bloods taken about a year ago at 62 and it seems Ive still got around 1/3 of normal levels of oestrogen and progesterone which GP said was pretty good as I never took HRT . I actually had 2 horrid years and then almost overnight all the really irritating symptoms stopped although I did suddenly get dry sore eyes easily

I've found the information from Dr Louise Newsome and Dr Mary Claire Haver (US OB/GYN specialising in peri and menopause) incredibly useful in figuring out what works for me. Dr Haver talks a lot about peer reviewed research that is relevant, plus diet and exercise that may be beneficial. Dr Newsome runs a clinic that could be helpful for you.

I guess it's the same as with periods. Some people don't have any trouble with them, whereas others are in awful pain every month. We are all different.

Can you get a referral to a specialist NHS menopause clinic? There are different types of hrt and maybe a different type will help you. I can’t take hrt due to medical history and I’ve come to terms with that now and I’m feeling much better, it’s taken a few years but I’m coming out the other side. No more hot flushes, anxiety has decreased, mood has stabilised- but the brain fog hasn’t lifted much. You do get through it but if I were you and feeling so miserable I’d try other options offered by a specialist.
I was referred to one and felt better just being heard as they were so understanding.
I was offered something different to help with the hot flushes (which I declined), the other options offered were antidepressants (I declined) and a weak oestrogen cream for vaginal atrophy - which I declined at the time but have since used - this does help. I wish I could have tried other options and I’m sure there will be a different one that will make you feel better. 💐

@Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged you may need a bigger dose of HRT, I am on 1.5 patches a friend is on 2 patches. It was like magic all the awful symptoms went away. Worth going back and maybe asking to see someone else. I see the nurse practices at my practice. But there are other items like gels etc that can bf prescribed.