To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

Hey , I have to disagree with you there , I don’t feel older women are treated as invisible or irrelevant by society....🤷🏻‍♀️..

With regard to exercise & not drinking, I 💯 agree with you ..

I don’t find hrt helpful at all OP , I still wear those patches though ..
The anxiety, down & out feeling that comes with menopause, ( well I’m peri ) is just 😔…
I do find getting out & about , even work , great help , lifts mood ..
See your GP again & discuss how you are feeling..
I hope things start to improve for you soon .. x

Are you on the patches pp ?
They increased mine from 50 to 70 , change twice a week , I don’t feel any difference though ..

I don’t feel older women are treated as invisible or irrelevant by society

Give it time.

YNBU for feeling this way but please, for years now there has been menopause awareness days, training at offices on how to support women going through peri and menopause. There are whole regimes of hair and skin care, supplements, PT. Pilates and yoga geared towards menopausal women. It is thankfully being discussed A LOT. I presume just not in your circle.

be an advocate for other women. If you found it difficult because no one told you, make a point to tell others.

by the way, it goes on for years and years. Symptoms change. Come and go. New things crop up. But getting help to cope as well as opening up your scope to find help with greatly improve your life. You’re not alone but not all women are as impacted as others. Just be wary of those who have not been impacted as they may lack empathy

if you look for menopause sisters, other women experiencing or have experienced the same thing, you will find them

I'm rapidly heading towards 50... I know my Mum had hers late with horrendously painful heavy periods and depression. She wasn't allowed HRT for medical reasons apparently.

I'm starting to get horrendously heavy periods but I'm seriously dreading all the other symptoms that clearly my Mum never mentioned...

I don't think you were lied to about the menopause. Everyone has a different experience and It might just be you haven't met anyone who had awful symptoms. I had no symptoms at all apart from the odd hot flush which was quite nice in the winter but I have a work colleague who had terrible brain fog and couldn't remember how to reverse her car. There is certainly more awareness now about how debilitating menopause can be and workplaces are encouraged to be supportive and have a menopause policy in place, so its definitely being talked about more. It could be worth googling what support you can find. Sorry you are having it so bad but it will eventually pass.

Some people have a stronger reaction to words than others. I remember when a nurse told me I had vaginal atrophy I was shocked, it sounded awful. 'Vaginal thinning' or similar might be less brutal.
Anyway, estriol cream sorts it out quite quickly. Perimenopausal and menopausal women should be offered estriol cream as a matter of course.

Tbh if I took 100 women ten years post menopause and gave them the list of menopause related symptoms I'd be surprised if 75 of them said they had none of them bar periods ending or one symptom that didn't really affect their quality of life at any time.
I wonder what those stats are based on, is it women seeking help/hrt? Because so many - or their GPS - don't realise things like tinnitus or anxiety around driving is linked

Yes & Yes. Your symptoms sound exactly like the right kind & timing also.

If your GP is unsupportive, consider the Newson Clinic - meanwhile use their brilliant Balance App / Website to learn as much as you can. Massive library on there & brilliant evidence'based podcasts.

As the years go by & if your symptoms return or exacerbate, you'll probably need to increase your doseage.

If I may say, my mother had a very well communicated peri/menopause. It was a huge factor in her life for 10 years and every conversation revolved around the symptoms and their impact.

Similarly when she had back pain, every diagnostic factor was harnessed with pain clinics, etc.

A spot on her ear had to be investigated.

She is very old now and there has been hysteria over a bcc on her nose and Mohe's procedure and the impact on her looks. She is 88 now and despite a lot of stitches and bruising you wouldn't know it, three weeks later.

I think it indicates that some people respond badly to relatively mi or things; others barely at all to relatively major things.

The impact on me was that I vowed never to discuss my menopause. My mother doesn't know I've had a couple of BCC's removed and that I have severe osteoporosis and pagets disease and have two collapsed vertebrae.

Oh dear Roses, that all sounds tough.

My poor dad (age now early 80s) loathes aging & often complains about it. He has made me resolve to age gracefully & expect issues & that's ok. Most of all I'm not going to repeatedly complain, be despondent or surprised or fret (I hope not, anyway!) It's the "surprised" tone that makes me almost laugh. Like..."you knew that aging means increasing restrictions in what you can do & having to take responsibility for that, right?" He will not adopt an "Alert somebody" system like a necklace or something where he could press a button to call for help if he fell over. This is frustrating. He has had some bad falls where he couldn't get up, and a history of stroke, and sometimes is home alone.

Although I will say he is taking news of a new diagnosis (some degree of prostate cancer) very well, very pragmatically.

I'm on pretty good terms with my ex-Husband. Every time xH announces a symptom development in his health that I also have, I presume I can cross that off the "caused by menopause" list. Given he's a biological male.

there isn't much left to attribute to menopause, lol.

same, I am 41 and not yet in it but completely terrified beyond belief due to everything I see/hear about it

Please don't be terrified. It is good to know what could happen which ranges from all those negative things to a bit of discomfort for a time to a fantastic change in your life. I do hope you have a positive experience because it really is possible and it has happened to some of us.

I’m past peri I believe no periods for about 3 years??

I’m so sorry that is difficult when so young also

omg this is sounding familiar and so so embarrassing 😳!!!! Did you find anything that helped ?

No not in anything was taking gel and pills but honestly my anxiety was unbearable ! Has anyone else found this ?

Quite likely you need to alter your dose. I didn’t realise I was in peri for years before I had my hysterectomy for cancer. My anxiety was horrific, absolutely crippling, I had my surgery and have to have HRT due to my age, but my anxiety is gone. It was definitely worse with fluctuating hormones

It’s great to hear that in some people the anxiety, I’m planning on going on HRT soon and really hope it works for me, you hear such mixed reviews on it

Hey , yeah , me too …
I find exercise & going to work help ..
Bright eves make a difference to me aswel , I’m worse in the winter ..
It’s manageable now , more times then it’s the pitts 🙁

For me its health anxiety, but I've never put it down to hormones before

I’m on HRT, I’m also on the mini pill for period control, although I don’t know if they’ve stopped as I’ve been on it for years and I’m 45.

I’m also on an anti depressant and I asked to come off it as I felt so good once the HRT kicked in. However I’ve been lowering the dose with GP oversight and I definitely still need it so have stayed on but at a reduced dose.

Nobody tells you but it lasts years and can be up to a decade or longer for some.

I’ve started to take various supplements too to see if they help. Although tbf since turning 40 my health has nosedived and I’ve developed several autoimmune conditions.

Are you using Ovestin cream there? It's been mentioned multiple times on this thread. There are plenty of threads on the Menopause board discussing it, also, if you have any questions about its use.

Yes exactly! I feel the lie is that whole generations are told that your period simple stops ! What a lie! No one told me it would be this way. And as for increased awareness, yes there is more awareness but again, the problem is this also is a lie. Taking HRT is not a fix for all women, damn it stop saying take HRT and you will be ok again !