To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

I agree. There is nothing wrong with stating that for you, the process was straightforward and simple.

It's the sneeriness. As if it's some sort of personal achievement rather than pure luck.

Ah that I can understand. Some women can be sneery.

All women should talk about it. Those who are fortunate enough to be minimally or not affected should practice a bit of sensitivity towards those who are not. There's a way of addressing it, and crowing over how easy it was for you is not appreciated by women who struggle. It makes them feel lesser somehow and it's patronising, as well as unkind!

I was menopausal quite early. My periods had petered out to very little in my early 40s, and the last spotting I ever had, was when I was 44/45. I had symptoms but nothing like as bad as some women. HRT when I tried it made me bleed again which I really didn't want, so I came off it.

I've been a younger woman - clearly not any more - but there was sod all information and very little in the way of help for women 20 years ago, so pardon me if I think it's better that younger women are informed and prepared.

But it’s good to show balance. Those approaching meno should know they may not be affected so badly.

Then you're taking away the right of the woman badly affected to voice how she feels?

No she’s not, the idea is that we all have a voice and we should all be able to voice our menopause experiences whether they are good, bad or ugly without feeling that it’s a judgement or a silencing of someone else.

How am I doing that?

Not sure how someone saying they had minimal symptoms is anything other than stating their experience. If I were approaching that time I would want a balanced view and maybe some positivity.

Weird comment. That's not the case at all

It’s impossible to know how you will find it until you actually go through it. It also depends on so many other variables. How much stress you are under, type of work/hours, personal life, ages of children etc. Women are expected to keep working in senior positions far later than they used to be and the stakes are higher than they were 50 years ago. For example, if my mother hadn’t slept well for weeks due to symptoms, it wasn’t a disaster in terms of her work performance since she didn’t have a job. She just took it a bit easier and had an extra cup of tea whilst she wrote out the list of jobs for the cleaner.

The fact is that a bit of brain fog isn’t doesn’t result in a bit of a bad day. It can lose someone their career/job.

100%. I've had friends actively telling me to leave my job and do something less stressful. So that's the answer. Give up our earnings and do aomething less well paid. Obviously its the friends with mortgages paid off who tell me this!

What I do think is helpful is trying to outsource things that are stressful.

You don't want to hear it from anyone who's suffered badly in case you don't like it....

How is it weird? There are women here basically saying that they don't want to know about anyone's difficult experience because it "stresses" them!!

Wtf not for the faint hearted? So if you’re faint hearted what the fuck are you meant to do? This is the sort of thing that scares people and is unhelpful, genuinely.

It's a wild guess but I'm assuming it's just an expression...

The whole 'getting older' thing isn't easy, even without the menopause, and it tends to be a time when women have to juggle so many priorities. No point in sticking your head in the sand!

Personally I'd sooner be prepared and then go, "ah that's not as bad as I thought", if it's not!

Most of the time it is said, on here, with a sneer as PP has said, as if saying "I don't have an issue with menopause, why do you?" As if we are somehow weaker or lesser.

I have never seen that. Hard to read a sneer from a typed post. It’s so variable so it’s important to k ow that you may be fine but you may also sufffer and all shades in between.

There’s a bit of that on this thread.

FGS go to a private doctor and get proper HRT. The NHS is totally useless. Spend the money on high quality care. Get your hrt right, get your private doc to send a letter to your gp telling them what to prescribe then get the HRT for £20/yr on the nhs.

see the private doc yearly to check in.

trust me it’s worth the cost, the NHS IS NOT able to help you with this, you need a better standard of care, you only get one life. The cheap prescriptions are great but the nhs is frighteningly useless for womens health.

oh and listen to the Dr Newson podcast, the early episodes from the start.

@Plmnki Can you please tell me what the private doctor can help with? They don't seem to do blood tests so they just go on the symptoms, same as the NHS doctor. How many different types of HRT are there that are available privately but not on the NHS do you know?

If I may offer a different perspective here, yes it might be dreadful or less so for you, it might start earlier or later, you cannot really know. Perfaps you can focus on what is within your control. Look after yourself well and make the most out of the years ahead. And if possible place yourself in the best position so that if the worse becomes true for you, you can get help and you can be kind to yourself. For example if I had known how unwell this would make me I would have planned this stage of my life better, I wouldn't have postponed many things, I would have sought help earlier etc. It is easy to think I will do x and y in my 50s, I am still relatively young and then boom, you realise it is not so easy. create choices, eat well, nourish your body, that is within your control. And perhaps you will get an easier ride, that is a possibility too. xx

what HRT exists that is not available in the NHS. As someone who has used private healthcare in England I can tell you in my experience it was hit and miss, some good experiences, many not so much so. The same drs working in the NHS squeeze a few hours for providing private consultations, they follow the same guidance etc. I am not aware of any better treatment that exist privately so if you have any additional info I would be very grateful if you could share please. Thank you.

Exactly. I haven't diminished the suffering in the least given I had some terrible symptoms myself. I said sometimes as in my situation you do have to battle on until the worst of it passes. I never took HRT simply because I wasnt offered it & I'm m not sure I would have. It's more advanced now.

ow wow, such evidence based wisdom, so informative. back to my crap lifestyle, what was I thinking lol

Well, hop on over to the menopause board, then.

I think the important thing to remember about menopause, or the eventual cessation of periods, is that every woman is different. In the same way, every woman has a different experience of menarche, or the beginning of periods.

My periods began at 11. They were very regular, and also very painful. I bled very heavily. I thought that was just how it was. I had however almost zero premenstrual syndrome symptoms.

I don't get angry and go and call other women and girls liars if they say they started at thirteen or fourteen or sixteen or whenever, or they had light periods throughout most of their life and minor pain, or they suffered terrible PMT.

The best we can do is respect each other's experiences, and with the menopause take on a few tips. Lifestyle factors are important. Sleep, stress relief, going for a daily walk, eating a healthy diet, talking with others who are supportive, all the usual things.