To feel lied to about the menopause

[Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged]

I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

Yes why would we women choose an option that can make our lives easier and more comfortable, when we could suffer horribly instead 🙄

It does increase the risk but not as much as being overweight. Other factors also increase the risk such as drinking alcohol.

To be honest, everything I have read about the perimenopause and the menopause (on mumsnet) makes it sound like hell on earth.

Just to give some balance it wasn't like that for me. I had horrendous hormonal migraines and manageable hot flushes and that was it. No anxiety, no memory issues, no sleep issues, no other issues. I had my last period at 50 and have never looked back.

I feel a little guilty stating this because I don't like to minimise or gaslight what many other women go through, but I just want to say that it isn't hell for everyone.

Same. TBH only type I feel remotely ok is after a glass of wine.

Unfortunately our sexist and ageist society has meant this life stage has been one that young women want to hear none of, because its for the old women they want to distance from; and older women want to conceal lest it draws attention to the fact they are moving into this undesirable group. This has led to a conspiracy of silence around it. I think things have improved, but its going to take a huge societal shift in attitudes towards female aging before it stops being seen as something its best to discretely pretend isn't happening in the hopes no one realises you're getting old.

I wonder if it crosses minds that not every woman follows what Davina is saying. Some people do not buy into celebrity fascination, do not read Daily Mail and find other interests rather than watching shit TV. This should not be the only source of info. Since early 40s I struggled with peri symptoms and no Gp ever mentioned peri or likelihood of symptoms let alone potential help. Women health has been neglected big time and that is a fact. If some women had a great experience that is good to hear but if you look at the wider picture it doesn't look good.
The same goes for pregnancy, so many women suffer in silence because it ahd been unnacceptable for decades to talk about what is on the other side of pure bliss.

No it’s useful to just hear things stated. Migraines are something I hadn’t heard much about at first. It’s usually flushes and irregular periods that get mentioned most and I’m more recently discovering the anxiety and cognitive side.

A lot of the info is quite vague like “ tweak your HRT.” I always think “ are there certain symptoms that respond better to x brand or y brand? What exactly does tweaking mean?”

And as for reducing stress. Oh yes! I don’t think of that.

Yeah I do feel similar. Although since talking to my Mum. I do remember her struggling when I was in my teens. I probably just ignored it though lol, too busy out having fun. That's the other thing that's difficult for me, peri and teenagers. All my previous trauma seems to be surfacing and I'm struggling to manage, esp with a 13 year old with autism and ADHD. I've already had one really difficult teen (think SW, CCE, school refusal, DV, teen pregnancy) and now a whole other set of similar issues.
Last year I lost my step dad and my periods went mad, I was lucky if I had a week off bleeding a month and was so heavy I went to A and E a few times needing a drip to stop the loss. After investigations found a fibroid growing on my cervix. It grew to 10cm within 3 months and felt like a baby crowning. Needed 3 blood transfusions and a pernenent catheter till I had a hysterectomy. So no menopause was not just obvious stopping!
I've not had any hot flushes though at least.. lol

Haha, of course it crosses my mind that not everyone reads/watches the same things. I also don’t read the Daily Mail or ‘watch shit TV’. I used Davina as an example of the information out there (if you reread my post, I said ‘Davina McCall, for example’), and I read her book because I saw it recommended on MN. I haven’t watched the documentary.
Anyway I said ‘I actually feel the opposite’. They are my feelings, based on the fact that I have been exposed to plenty of information on peri/menopause. I didn’t say anyone was unreasonable for feeling differently.

Are you saying that menopause awareness is only in the Daily Mail and on shit TV?

I don't read the DM, watch shit TV or buy into celebrity influencing yet feel that menopause awareness is everywhere (mainly on mumsnet admittedly).

Hi OP,

Have you tried seeing a private clinical psychologist? I had all the problems you are talking about and I thought it might be peri. I saw a psychologist about three times a year for about 8 years and changed my whole life and attitudes all around. I had to rearrange a lot of my relationships with my nearest and dearest, and change my own expectations of my own behaviour. After I did that, the anxiety went away and everything has been a lot better since then.

I'm not in menopause yet so it all may come to get me later, but I just wondered if that is something you would consider?

I voted YABU as it’s always been known and it’s so prevalent in the media/workplaces and conversation at the moment.

YANBU to say it’s a shitty time though.

I’ve enjoyed reading some of the comments here about post-menopause experiences. I’m on HRT and have had all the anxiety, insomnia etc…. In peri. I’ve had less info available about things like when to start reducing HRT, if you actually have to reduce it, do the anxiety/weight issues stop once out the other side?
I’d love to hear more about that!

No anxiety here, but sadly I am a dress size larger than I was as my metabolism has slowed down a lot.

I appreciate that. I only came across mumsnet recently by accident. Maybe I wasn't terribly concise in my post (double whammy of ADHD and hormones all over the place), I am saying that such important information shouldn't be relied on to come from celebrities or especially social media and the likes. SM is rife with so much rubbish, sifting through that and deciding what is valid or not is a full time job. There should be dedicated clinics and proper information alongside treatment options widely available.
To give you an example there is a lot about hot flushes. Because of that I never realised that my symptoms could be related to hormones because I didn't have hot flushes. Numerous drs, mostly women did not help at all.

Might help you @Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged topop over to the menopause forum on this site.

You can ask more specific questions.

The answer to your problems is most likely experimenting with HRT and finding the right sort. You may have to try a few types and different doses.

I know that can be frustrating but there is usually one sort that will work. If necessary and your GP isn't up to speed you might want to look into seeing a specialist privately.

If you go looking for it. My point is that given its impact on many women, we're not educated about it well enough.

Have not seen that research re alcohol but the leaflet for HRT patches gives statistics. The weight increase is also another big issue. Like others posted too, it seems impossible to loose weight. It creeps up from thin air, I have a very good diet and exercise daily and I am in a constant battle to reduce weight. When I reduced drastically my calory intake I still gained weight. My metabolism has slowed so much it's surreal. Again GP just shrugs shoulders. wants to treat 1 symptom because that is the guidance.

Find another doctor!

There is help out there.

I know it's hard, but there are some absolutely brilliant menopause specialists available who can help you. You may have to pay around £250 for 45 mins, but it can be a one-off fee is your prescriptions are then taken over by your GP.

I've been on HRT for over 15 years with a fantastic specialist.

There is no need to suffer but you have to take control of this yourself and also do all the lifestyle stuff (exercise, healthy diet) to help as well as HRT. I know that's tough if you're feeling rubbish.

I've been in perimenopause since my early 40's. I'm 50 this year and over the past year it's reached a whole new level.
I suffer the worst anxiety, which I think is made worse by all the unpredictability of my cycle going completely crazy.
Like you I wrongly assumed that my periods would just stop and that would be it. It's the not knowing what to expect and when that completely throws me.
I do have a lot going on in my life, but once I start crying over something it feels like the tears will never stop.

I was offered HRT but have been too scared to try it due to the type of migraine I have - the aura type - which are largely influenced by hormones. It's fear of the unknown.

It helps me to read about other women's experiences (although of course everyone is different). There will always be someone who has been through what you are going through and come out the other side.
Perimenopause and the transition into menopause can bring a whole host of distressing symptoms.
Sometimes it just helps to know that we are not alone.

Exactly. I cannot even imagine how women who go through the worse of it manage demanding jobs as well and all other life commitments. I could not possibly cope with the job and commute I had up to 7 yrs ago with what I am experiencing now. I am lucky I can work less and have a flexible schedule so I can slow down when symptoms are worse but it is such a waste of potential.

Swimming saved me from the shouty angst, anxiety/fragility and debilitating depression. Made me mentally and physically stronger. And probably helped me sleep better.

Build up to 6 lengths in one go, then have a rest and drink of water at end of pool. Then another set of 6 and so on. You know when to stop as you start to get muscle cramps. I gradually built up to 50 lengths, twice a week.

Then treat yourself to a sauna and steam, followed by a healthy lunch while reading a mag/book.

For weight gain, intermittent fasting, lots of water, green tea and try to cut out all sugar and bad carbs (white bread, pasta, rice).

I never had HRT so can’t comment on that. And no other symptoms, thankfully.

I seem to be OK now (late 50s), though need to start doing weights to build more muscle to support my joints.

Women have careers now in a way that 40/50 years ago they did not, with identical expectations that a man in an identical role has. Retirement age is also 67 rather than 60, so the expectation for women to work full time is there as well.

Discussion about menopause is to bring this to the fore rather than hide it and have to pretend "all is fine".

I recall my mum and her friends talking about very heavy periods and that being a reason some of them were missing social events. My mum simply said she was pleased she hadn’t had one of these biblical floodings. I’ve heard no more of it mentioned really, but is that a thing?