To feel lied to about the menopause

[Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged]

I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

Me: Could I please try hrt? I’m at the end of my rope, my head’s completely gone.

GP: Any family history of breast cancer?

Me: Yes, my mum.

GP: Then no, it’s too risky.

Me: So I just… deal with it?

GP: Pretty much. You can have some anti-psychotics, they might help…

How old are you? Go on the Pill.

I think it’s the difference between reading about it and the reality of it walloping you in the self-confidence. You don’t realise how awful it can be until it’s on you.

I agree OP, the impression I got of menopause was that your periods went erratic, you got hot flushes and grumpy for a while.

Actually looking back I think I hit peri at 35, doctor immediately dismissed it, and I have felt like I'm going insane with crushing anxiety, insomnia, stubborn weight gain on my gut, joint pain, heartburn, death of libido and hot flashes at night. No idea what's going on with my period as my contraceptive stopped them and tbh i think that steady dose of the hormones is the only thing between me and insanity!

I don’t think you were exactly lied to. Different women just have different experiences of the menopause. I went through the menopause so easily that I wasn’t even sure I was going through it but my periods stopped a few years ago now. A friend I spoke to about the menopause said her experience was the same as mine. So while some women suffer & need HRT etc, this is not the case for everyone.

Yes to this. The whole topic of the menopause discussions (both on here and in the media) always centres around how awful it is. Under a different user name I have been called a "liar" and "delusional", amongst other things, for daring to comment that mine was not a big deal at all. I'm fully aware of how bad it can get (my mum and sisters had a horrible time of it), but, IMVHO, the real lie is not that we're not told how bad it can be, it's not being told how easy it can be. At one stage I did wonder if there was something wrong with me as I wasn't experiencing any of the things I had heard about or seen happening to other women.

Everyone is different. The things that are helping me are:

Magnesium Chelated from Solgar. I dont take as many as the bottle said.

Yoga

Meditation

Excercise: Walks, making time for myself

I also take vitamins D, C

I think it’s only in the last 5 yrs or so that it’s been normalised on the media & become an industry but agree there’s so many symptoms that are little known still & certainly dismissed by GP’s. There’s more knowledge out there by pioneers like Louise Newson & private menopause clinics that GP’s simply just don’t know or care about. I’ve learned everything from forums & reading about it. Not one GP or MH or health professional has ever wondered if peri/menopause was contributing to or could explain the problems I was having. It was. But not one. I think that proves how little it’s thought about. GP’s don’t know enough about GSM & think everything down there is down to thrush (it’s not). They only think you’re eligible for HRT if you’re having hot flushes (not true) & will only refer you to gynaecology for testosterone so that you can recover your libido (bcos your male partner is getting pissed off) & not to see if it could help with fatigue, strength & sleep. I think there’s loads still to be done to improve awareness. And thank god finally we’re talking about it & not minimising & laughing it off.

I had horrific pmdd after having my second (she's now 8). Taking Vitamin b6 really helped. I would have a week every month where a red mist descended and every little thing made me extremely angry. I could rationally think "Why am i so angry?" But had no control whatsoever. It felt like i was a completely different person. During that week I would also have several days of intrusive thoughts around self harm and suicide. With the vitamin b6 supplements it had reduced to a morning a month where I feel easily annoyed, but not in the red mist way. I'm still myself.

I recently had my ds (7 months) and started taking vitamin b6 as soon as ibwas home from hospital. I'm hoping when my periods are more regular, I'll be able to see if it's still working for me, but I didn't want to risk not taking it and returning to how I was 7-8 years ago.

🤣🤣🤣 are you being serious!

How the hell is eating better, eliminating stress (as if anyway) excising, supplements or self care going to replace the depleting hormones?
It can't and it won't. The only thing to replace them is the hormones themselves.

Than there's women like me with premature ovarian failure; no cure, no known cause in 90% of cases having to put up with this shit from ridiculously earlier on (never mentioned in PSHE/sex ed) no amount of self care ect... can or could help.

I can tell you what it's like on the other side if you want?
Not great. My skin has lost it's elasticity so I'm going crepey. Everything dries up and points towards the ground and out and about, it's as if I am a ghost and people can't see me. My fat stores seem to have solidified and are impossible to budge unless I actually fast and I can't build muscle.

The one thing that really helped me with my ten years start to finish menopause was stopping all alcohol, no seed oils and massively increasing my animal fat intake. It was like night and day and reduced my hot flushes and night sweats by half.

Initially I was put on Premarin, which was the stuff made with pregnant mares urine. OMG that stuff just took all the symptoms away from the first tablet. I weaned myself off that and by the time I wanted more, they had stopped making it.

If they could find a synthetic as good as Premarin, they would make a fortune as the second lot might as well have been a vitamin pill by comparison.

At the point I took HRT, I hadn't slept for fifteen nights and I was trying to deal with an asshole boss who has no idea how close to death he came!

It is hell. Eat beef dripping from the packet like it's chocolate and see if you can take it down 50 notches that way is my advice.

I wish someone would do some actual research and find something that actually helps rather than this lottery and 'give this a try' approach for 50% of the population of the planet!

More HRT. We don't all absorb the different types well & it takes some time to the the balance right too. I have needed to up mine quite a bit to get it right as I swim / bath so need a new patch everyday plus I top up with gels. Plus topical cream as well.

Personally I am a fan of Louise Newson / Clinic / Balance App. Even though I have an excellent GP, they don't have the time to put into this properly - so I think a private appointment is invaluable. The info & podcasts on the Balance website are brilliant.

Also lots of exercise of all types including weight-bearing and improving your nutrition and fuel.

Your later health and quality of life in old age will thank you for this.

Go to your doctor (ans keep pestering if you get no help) because oestrogen pessaries can help hugely. One a night for the first week, then twice a week.

my doc tells me I can keep taking these til the end of days with zero risk.

The pill contains synthetic hormones, whereas HRT contains body identical.

Why we worry so much about taking HRT when we have taken the much riskier pill hormones for years, I don't know!

I knew vaguely about the menopause happening around 50 with a few hot flushes and your periods stopping and thought great, ok. My mum remembers it as such, but I might need to chat to my dad as he says it was hellish time.

However, I had NO CLUE there was this thing called perimenopause that can start as early as your mid 30s and last for YEARS!!

Since 38 my energy has nose dived, I'm putting on weight for the first time in my adult life dispite being very active, my sleep is crap, my hair is thinning and my social anxiety has increased. All this, but regular periods. Yey.

Are these symptoms something that might be treatable with HRT? I'm approaching 42. Would it even be prescribed given my age?

You have been lied to.

I’m ten years in and every time I’m late and think ‘could this be it?’ my period starts a day later. Can’t have HRT because of some medical stuff, so just got to put up with it.

The worst bit for me is the brain fog and the itching. I wake up with scratches all over me. The worst bit for everyone else is that I am such an arsehole. I just can’t bite my tongue anymore.

ETA, I now cast my mind back to my mum going through it when I was a teenager and, my God, it all makes sense now!

Yeah my mums mental health dived in her forties and she had already suffered with it life long. We can’t ask her as she passed away years ago but i bet she would say the same thing about oh it was fine..

I think op is getting at the fact years ago, that it just wasn’t discussed on the whole. It wasn’t covered in biology. It wasn’t discussed on tv, or media. Many women didn’t really discuss it and it was called ‘the change’ and almost whispered about. Research was pants as is all women’s healthcare. I thought it was something that would affect me in my 50s, not start after i turned forty. But thanks to all the info out there now i did lots of research and can recognise more about my body.

It wasn’t til i’d say the last ten years where it’s become more talked about in the main stream. There are still people that dismiss it and say oh it’s fine i didn’t notice it. I’m pleased for those women who don’t suffer but so many of us do. We are not over medicalising a natural process. I’m sure many people years ago with systems probably assumed alot of their symptoms was just getting old.

I’m seeing a private GP this week recommended by a friend. She was put on HRT by NHS dr and she felt awful. She was given the standard oestrogen and progesterone and it didn’t help, she went private and they said she’s got perfect oestrogen levels but very low progesterone so what she was taking wasn’t right for her, far too much oestrogen. NHS won’t give just progesterone. Her testosterone was also low which NHS won’t give. She’s been feeling quite a bit better with the HRT tailored to her needs.

I wanted to add I myself am in peri. I went to my GP (young dr in her 20’s) I listed off an insane amount of symptoms I have but when I told her my periods have stayed the same she said ‘hmm I wonder what it could be then?’ I said well I’m sure it’s still peri and she said ‘no your period cycle would change’. I told her not from the research I’d done but she said anyway you’re only nearly 44 so we can’t consider HRT until 45🙄

I feel like there has been a lot more info in recent years, as well as reading on MN to the point that I'm dreading what's about to happen! (I'm 47) My sleep is absolutely appalling already I don't know how I could cope with worse!

Self care can’t stop the hormones but it helps with the symptoms for so many of us. I think if it as a holistic approach. We can take HRT and medicate for the hormone side of things.

We need to give our bodies the best chance to function as best it can while going through it. So lots of nutrition dense foods, less processed,less refined carbs, drink water, less fizzy stuff etc. Alcohol seems to not agree with so many of us at this point and let’s face it it’s a poison anyway.

Exercise is massive to me for my mental health which thanks to peri my anxiety is hideous at times but a spin class sorts that out. I do resistance which is good for bones ( osteoporosis is known effect from menopause) . Yoga too for calming, mobilty and stretching. Being outside in nature is soo good for us. I love a walk amongst trees and water etc.

Some of the supplements can help but that’s a very personal thing and i’m sure maybe placebo affect in some cases. The anecdotal seems positive but then the research is often minimal as usual.

It does get better, I promise you. I didn't have an awful experience, only flushes, many people don't and it's best to have a positive attitude in advance which is why not too much is msde of the menopause when we we're taught about it. Do you remember how your mother was, and aunts maybe? One usually gets some idea from them, and colleagues who are perimenopausal. How you are feeling now will pass, honestly, and you'll be fine. Make sure you take care of your physical health at this time, eat well and healthily, pamper yourself somewhat. You're worth it.

You have my sympathy op, perimenopause can be horrendous, not for everyone, but for many. I actually thought I was going insane. Looking back, I don’t know how on Earth I kept going.

I can only say what worked for me.

• HRT- it took a while to work and get it right
• Diet- high protein, tracking macros. Keeps my weight under control which in turn makes me feel good
• Exercise- this is very important. Weight training with around 150 minutes cardio per week
• No alcohol - although I see you already don’t drink which is good
• I also take some supplements- B12 injections, magnesium and a few others

You need vaginal oestrogen. Game changer.

OP sorry you are having such a bad time. I think you need to explore more treatments to find what works for you. I have had minimal symptoms , no HRT but use vaginal oestrogen which is great.