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Original poster

Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

386 replies

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 14:01

Hi all,

I would appreciate a bit of a hand hold here, I’ve only found out this morning and don’t know what to make of it all.

My boyfriend is really into the gym, goes most days etc. About a month ago he told me he was changing gyms as he needed a bit of a change of scenery and because his had got really busy, I felt it was odd as I know he really liked it there but thought nothing more of it.

Out shopping this morning I bumped into an old colleague who also goes to the original gym. We had small talk and she asked how my BF is, and said she thought it was ‘harsh’ what happened to him.

I asked what she meant and she was apologetic and said she thought I knew, and that her understanding was my BF had his membership cancelled due to a complaint by another member, and that I’d need to ask him about it.

I phoned him as soon as I left that shop, and he admitted this was true. He says he made what he thought was an innocent comment which was laughed off by a woman in there at the time but she complained to staff after and he received an email re. the cancellation.

Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.

He didn’t want to tell me about this because he tonight I’d be annoyed but he says he feels hard done by and that he was clearly joking.

I can’t work out whether I’m right to be upset about the comment or if it’s him hiding it which is making it feel worse, it’s just a bit embarrassing all round.

He’s adamant the gym over-reacted and to be fair, that’s what my old colleague suggested too.

OP posts:
sandrapinchedmysandwich · 26/04/2025 14:48

BankHolidayBonanza · 26/04/2025 14:30

It's inappropriate but being kicked out of the gym sounds like a massive over-reaction!

Is that honestly all he did? That would be my main worry, that there's more to the story.

This. I am sorry op but he didn't tell you so is probably capable of lying about the real reason too. I would be very surprised if he was banned for what is an inappropriate but quite mildly inappropriate comment. I think there is likely more to this sadly

JandamiHash · 26/04/2025 14:48

I’d put money on him spinning you a load of bullshit and he actually said much worse

Pedallleur · 26/04/2025 14:48

Seems an over reaction from the gym. I'll assume the woman was wearing tight leggings and he thought it was flirty or just a cheeky comment that unfortunately backfired. We all know there are blokes in gyms who will try it on or make comments about lifting weights etc. Hopefully lesson learned and he keeps his thoughts to himself. Unless there is more to his story. I'm surprised someone from the staff contacted him. The woman may be 'known' but she is a customer so it's inappropriate the staff member went behind the managers back in a message/email

Dozer · 26/04/2025 14:48

‘Bitter’, ‘unpleasant’, ‘over reacting’

For objecting to women being harassed

Phoebepeeby · 26/04/2025 14:49

Banning offence at my gym too.
A guy made a similar comment to my PT and was escorted out.

He wouldn’t say it to another man. Why do men think that they can comment on women’s bodies?

PrestonHood121 · 26/04/2025 14:49

There’s probably more to the story

meevee · 26/04/2025 14:50

I think it's a little harsh. I was shopping this
morning and a women bent over near me and I thought her leggings were going to
pop so the same thought went through my head but I isn't tell her.

MyUmberSeal · 26/04/2025 14:50

Total over reaction on the part of the gym.
Your BF has been an idiot, he shouldn’t have said it, but it’s not a tragedy.

Edited to add, it does look like leggings could give way when women squat. They are stretched to within an inch of their lives. Difference it, I’d think it, wouldn’t say it.

Lookingtomakechanges · 26/04/2025 14:51

He should mind his own bloody business at the gym not watch strangers and comment. And he lies to you about stuff that matters. It’s not a great basis for a relationship.

Phoebepeeby · 26/04/2025 14:51

Pedallleur · 26/04/2025 14:48

Seems an over reaction from the gym. I'll assume the woman was wearing tight leggings and he thought it was flirty or just a cheeky comment that unfortunately backfired. We all know there are blokes in gyms who will try it on or make comments about lifting weights etc. Hopefully lesson learned and he keeps his thoughts to himself. Unless there is more to his story. I'm surprised someone from the staff contacted him. The woman may be 'known' but she is a customer so it's inappropriate the staff member went behind the managers back in a message/email

Edited

It shouldn’t be accepted though.

thestudio · 26/04/2025 14:51

Did you ask him why - really why - he chose to make a sexualised comment to a woman just minding her own fucking business? Why he thought she would give a fuck what he 'thought'? Whether he'd say that to a nice chunky bloke?

What a misogynist prick.

And as well as being a misogynist prick, he was trying to 'flirt' with her OP which is why he didn't tell you.

So a misogynist, future cheating prick.

thatsalad · 26/04/2025 14:53

That's disgusting and he deserved to get banned. And honestly the staff is gross too for telling him they found it funny, because it's so hilarious to bother women who are trying to exist in peace and comment on their appearance. Ha. Ha. Twats.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 26/04/2025 14:54

I think you know some of what was said, OP. Not all of it. He made a comment that caused offense - such offense that there was no apology that could make up for it.

Gyms don't routinely and lightly cancel memberships, they know that cancelled members go to other gyms, their competitors.

I think there was something else. The friend said it was 'harsh' because what could she say having blurted out something that you didn't know? That your boyfriend deserved it? Some people spout platitudes. Some boyfriends lie. I think yours is lying.

surreygirl1987 · 26/04/2025 14:54

BankHolidayBonanza · 26/04/2025 14:30

It's inappropriate but being kicked out of the gym sounds like a massive over-reaction!

Is that honestly all he did? That would be my main worry, that there's more to the story.

Yes. I'm surprised they banned him but impressed by the gym.

But now I'm wondering if if wasn't the first complaint they've had about him...

MissMoneyFairy · 26/04/2025 14:56

It wasn't funny, the staff saying she's a pita aren't funny and the gym manager not investigating it, allowing staff to humiliate clients, is pathetic, if I were her I would find another gym to go to. If the staff found it funny then that negative attitude filters down to the clients. He has just been made a scapegoat and an example of.

ArtTheClown · 26/04/2025 14:57

If he was banned, I'd suspect he's massively underplaying the actual events to you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 26/04/2025 14:57

And if that message from the gym is genuine then that staff member deserves to be fired.

HomeTheatreSystem · 26/04/2025 14:58

Would he have said the same to a bloke? No. There's your answer.

Hastentoadd · 26/04/2025 14:58

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 14:01

Hi all,

I would appreciate a bit of a hand hold here, I’ve only found out this morning and don’t know what to make of it all.

My boyfriend is really into the gym, goes most days etc. About a month ago he told me he was changing gyms as he needed a bit of a change of scenery and because his had got really busy, I felt it was odd as I know he really liked it there but thought nothing more of it.

Out shopping this morning I bumped into an old colleague who also goes to the original gym. We had small talk and she asked how my BF is, and said she thought it was ‘harsh’ what happened to him.

I asked what she meant and she was apologetic and said she thought I knew, and that her understanding was my BF had his membership cancelled due to a complaint by another member, and that I’d need to ask him about it.

I phoned him as soon as I left that shop, and he admitted this was true. He says he made what he thought was an innocent comment which was laughed off by a woman in there at the time but she complained to staff after and he received an email re. the cancellation.

Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.

He didn’t want to tell me about this because he tonight I’d be annoyed but he says he feels hard done by and that he was clearly joking.

I can’t work out whether I’m right to be upset about the comment or if it’s him hiding it which is making it feel worse, it’s just a bit embarrassing all round.

He’s adamant the gym over-reacted and to be fair, that’s what my old colleague suggested too.

It was a bit of a silly comment and he shouldn’t have said it but I think the gym overreacted ……unless of course the woman was very overweight and that the comment was a slight on her appearance

Still it was a misplaced comment and bad judgement on his part

TheShadowOfTheWizard · 26/04/2025 14:58

EasyTouch · 26/04/2025 14:20

Anybody clued up knows that any behaviour suggestive of leering is not on, especially when a woman is just going about her business.
Unfortunately, your boyfriend was on the lech spectrum, key words being "woman", "squats".
The missing key words are "watching her bum encased in lycra whilst she was doing squats an exercise commonly used to increase/tone the glutes.
He's an idiot, at best.
How did he think his comment to a stranger would be interpreted ?
And how was him being banned become an overreaction?
He was either sexually harrassing or negging a paying customer of the gym.
If he, your friend and yourself are to stupid to see that, open your own gym where unsolicited opinions and come ons can fly free.

You've said everything I feel in such a clear way. He was basically telling her he was looking at her arse. I don't think the gym overreacted. Having the reputation of being a lech or inappropriate would not go away and would likely be information that traveled from one lady to the next.

surreygirl1987 · 26/04/2025 14:59

MyUmberSeal · 26/04/2025 14:50

Total over reaction on the part of the gym.
Your BF has been an idiot, he shouldn’t have said it, but it’s not a tragedy.

Edited to add, it does look like leggings could give way when women squat. They are stretched to within an inch of their lives. Difference it, I’d think it, wouldn’t say it.

Edited

I disagree. I think it's brilliant the gym is taking this seriously. Would the man have said this to a large man...?

I'd not like it if a man (or anyone) said that to me. Especially not when I was at my heaviest, post-baby - it would have felt like a Jab at my weight, like he was calling me fat. Also, I don't really want some random man watching my backside while I exercise in the gym and them commenting on it to me, thank you very much. Anyone who doesn't realise that is part of the problem. The sooner men learn they can't speak to women like that, the better. Sounds like the gym behaved extremely appropriately and intends to retain its customers by taking steps to prevent men from hassling women 👏

PluckyBamboo · 26/04/2025 14:59

You're DH has no business ogling someone's arse in the gym and making a comment is obviously an instant ban as he comes across as a sleaze. I'm actually surprised he hasn't been banned from all the gyms in the area as our local ones share that information when a potential sex pest is identified.

surreygirl1987 · 26/04/2025 15:00

TheShadowOfTheWizard · 26/04/2025 14:58

You've said everything I feel in such a clear way. He was basically telling her he was looking at her arse. I don't think the gym overreacted. Having the reputation of being a lech or inappropriate would not go away and would likely be information that traveled from one lady to the next.

Show quote history

Exactly.

Dozer · 26/04/2025 15:01

Staff member(s) badmouthing the woman who complained are part of the problem too.

mummymeister · 26/04/2025 15:02

for me its not the comment, the getting banned from the gym or anything else. its the lying. you cant trust him to tell you the truth. what else has he lied about and what else WILL he lie about in the future.

i cant stand liars. they are untrustworthy.