Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

386 replies

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 14:01

Hi all,

I would appreciate a bit of a hand hold here, I’ve only found out this morning and don’t know what to make of it all.

My boyfriend is really into the gym, goes most days etc. About a month ago he told me he was changing gyms as he needed a bit of a change of scenery and because his had got really busy, I felt it was odd as I know he really liked it there but thought nothing more of it.

Out shopping this morning I bumped into an old colleague who also goes to the original gym. We had small talk and she asked how my BF is, and said she thought it was ‘harsh’ what happened to him.

I asked what she meant and she was apologetic and said she thought I knew, and that her understanding was my BF had his membership cancelled due to a complaint by another member, and that I’d need to ask him about it.

I phoned him as soon as I left that shop, and he admitted this was true. He says he made what he thought was an innocent comment which was laughed off by a woman in there at the time but she complained to staff after and he received an email re. the cancellation.

Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.

He didn’t want to tell me about this because he tonight I’d be annoyed but he says he feels hard done by and that he was clearly joking.

I can’t work out whether I’m right to be upset about the comment or if it’s him hiding it which is making it feel worse, it’s just a bit embarrassing all round.

He’s adamant the gym over-reacted and to be fair, that’s what my old colleague suggested too.

OP posts:
rwalker · 30/04/2025 10:00

I’ve heard women make far worse comments about men’s shorts

whilst if she complained then obviously an issue but to ban him seems ott

everyone going down the sexual route
but if she was larger and self conscious that why she could be so offended

Piglet89 · 30/04/2025 10:00

rwalker · 30/04/2025 10:00

I’ve heard women make far worse comments about men’s shorts

whilst if she complained then obviously an issue but to ban him seems ott

everyone going down the sexual route
but if she was larger and self conscious that why she could be so offended

Logical fallacy alert.

rwalker · 30/04/2025 10:30

Piglet89 · 30/04/2025 10:00

Logical fallacy alert.

No idea what your on about

ambercabs · 30/04/2025 11:48

rwalker · 30/04/2025 10:00

I’ve heard women make far worse comments about men’s shorts

whilst if she complained then obviously an issue but to ban him seems ott

everyone going down the sexual route
but if she was larger and self conscious that why she could be so offended

There is so much wrong with this comment I don’t even know where to start. How embarrassing for you.

Piglet89 · 30/04/2025 11:56

rwalker · 30/04/2025 10:30

No idea what your on about

Your lack of idea about what I’m on about (and quite a lot else) is abundantly clear.

IsItSnowing · 30/04/2025 12:36

Private1980 · 28/04/2025 11:49

I'm going be really honest if I was in the gym and a bloke said this to me I would 100% laugh it of would definitely not be offered and would probably agree with him but I'm old school there's nothing wrong with an innocent joke or comment. You can all come at me but this world has gone so sensitive in 5 years time you won't be able sneeze without making a social media apology. Me personally if my hubby had said this and he'd got banned I'd be going in and speaking with both her and the gym 🙄

Why would you be speaking to her and the gym? Does your DH need you to go in and speak to people for him?

NoTouch · 30/04/2025 12:43

rwalker · 30/04/2025 10:00

I’ve heard women make far worse comments about men’s shorts

whilst if she complained then obviously an issue but to ban him seems ott

everyone going down the sexual route
but if she was larger and self conscious that why she could be so offended

I would expect the exact same to happen to a women if she approached a man to make a comment about his shorts.

Totally irrelevant what size she was and whether the comment was or was perceived to be body shaming/sexual harassment/allegedly "innocent" 🤔 observation of her arse.

He cannot expect to approach women he does not know in the gym and make unsolicited and unwanted comments about their arses. If he doesn't already know this as a functioning adult, removing him from the gym was the only option to protect others from his behaviour.

Munkyfuzzable · 03/05/2025 18:42

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 17:44

Thanks all, my main issue is him not telling me. This is his first ‘proper’ relationship so I will talk to him about how it’s made me feel and that he should have been open with me.

The comment itself, I am satisfied from his explanations he meant no offence and it was clumsy at best. He certainly won’t be making that sort of remark again that’s for sure and he is genuinely remorseful.

I will obviously keep an eye on things moving forward but there has been no red flags to date and he’s been a total gentleman towards me in general, so fingers crossed things continue.

Is he genuinely remorseful or does he regret saying it because he has had to face the consequences and is feeling sorry for himself? I get the impression that he’s playing the victim, especially with his comments about the gym treating him badly and the ‘pain in arse’ staff comment. He is not the victim here. Ask him why he’s remorseful and if it’s not because he was highly inappropriate and shouldn’t be commenting on women’s bodies, he’s not sorry at all.

Munkyfuzzable · 03/05/2025 18:48

bevm72yellow · 26/04/2025 17:44

A stupid comment to make. Her word against his word. He should email the gym and explain he wants to give a written apology for what was said. And explain no offence was intended. There is a difference between a one off inappropriate comment and harassment. He can politely challenge the gym for cancelling his membership as a reaction to his words. He is hiding the cancellation due to embarrassment. Moving to another gym is acceptable but he has to differentiate between serial harrasser and inappropriate words to defend himself.

Harassment doesn’t have to occur on multiple occasions to be harassment. His comment let her know he’s been watching her, by telling her that, he harassed her. He has no defence and he’s only remorseful because he’s facing the consequences of his own actions. If he were truly sorry, he wouldn’t be badmouthing the gym for reacting appropriately to keep members safe.

Munkyfuzzable · 03/05/2025 18:59

StrawberryDream24 · 26/04/2025 18:42

I am satisfied from his explanations he meant no offence and it was clumsy at best

Yes, he is clumsy at coming onto other women.

Do you really think it's a coincidence that he was banned for making comments to the "amazing body" influencer, but apparently not anyone else.

Edited

Exactly! And he just so happened to find her Social Media account 🤔 where he proceeded to highlight her body as some sort of mitigation for his comment! Just because a woman has a fantastic figure, doesn’t mean they’re fair game.

sandrafarringdon66 · 09/05/2025 06:54

rwalker · 30/04/2025 10:00

I’ve heard women make far worse comments about men’s shorts

whilst if she complained then obviously an issue but to ban him seems ott

everyone going down the sexual route
but if she was larger and self conscious that why she could be so offended

Do you go around your local gym making comments to the fat people telling them their clothes are "about to break"?

If that's the case you're a weirdo that needs to be banned.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread