Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

[ScarlettRunner]

Hi all,

I would appreciate a bit of a hand hold here, I’ve only found out this morning and don’t know what to make of it all.

My boyfriend is really into the gym, goes most days etc. About a month ago he told me he was changing gyms as he needed a bit of a change of scenery and because his had got really busy, I felt it was odd as I know he really liked it there but thought nothing more of it.

Out shopping this morning I bumped into an old colleague who also goes to the original gym. We had small talk and she asked how my BF is, and said she thought it was ‘harsh’ what happened to him.

I asked what she meant and she was apologetic and said she thought I knew, and that her understanding was my BF had his membership cancelled due to a complaint by another member, and that I’d need to ask him about it.

I phoned him as soon as I left that shop, and he admitted this was true. He says he made what he thought was an innocent comment which was laughed off by a woman in there at the time but she complained to staff after and he received an email re. the cancellation.

Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.

He didn’t want to tell me about this because he tonight I’d be annoyed but he says he feels hard done by and that he was clearly joking.

I can’t work out whether I’m right to be upset about the comment or if it’s him hiding it which is making it feel worse, it’s just a bit embarrassing all round.

He’s adamant the gym over-reacted and to be fair, that’s what my old colleague suggested too.

Yeh, to be honest I'd probably sympathise with a friend and say it was harsh, but secretly think he deserved it.Wrong, I know, but I'd just be nice to maintain the friendship.

Maybe she 'laughed' because she was nervous to confront him and tell him to fuck off, like I would have done!
If he wants to comment on women's arses, he can do it wirh his mates in the pub. Any man nowadays who makes comments to women they don't know, and therefore don't know how they will take it, is a dumb letchy creep.

Totally inappropriate comment as women should - as anyone else - be able to exercise in peace. Loads are self conscious about their appearance/weight/both, so having someone comment that their leggings were going to split would have pit me well off too (and I’m a fairly confident, mouthy woman when wronged & able to stand up for myself, but it would have hit a load of insecurity buttons)
the gym was right to exclude him & protect gymgoers from stupid comments. Even if she laughed in the moment, that means nothing. Embarrassment, surprise, social cues, trying not to cause a scene etc will do that. It doesn’t make it right or mean that the comment didn't smart. He’d have to have been staring at her butt to make the comment. Just euggh, lechery!
Had a woman posted about the comment made to her & how it made her feel, I think only v few of us would advise her to shrug it off & not complain.
A gym w a firm - and enforced - policy on acceptable behaviour sounds great to me!

Her videos, HER choice.
And whether she is in fact large or not, has NOTHING to do w her confidence at an uninvited comment or her self perception. We know this as women - feeling fat/unattractive etc, no matter how we look.
And she is not a PITA for voicing and complaining that she found the comment unacceptable. It totally was!
I’d drop a dumbbell on that kind of guys foot AND complain if it were me.

I would think that he's jealous of the weights I am using to do my squats personally, but each to their own. I don't get "offended" by anything and everything, it helps.

Comments made by other people are about them, not about me.

Two wrongs don't make it right. His behaviour and the nature of the message terminating his membership.

I think that there should be a complaint about the gym response. If a customer is entitled or unreasonable or just a moaner about everything, that is between them and the gym. This might have been the only valid complaint that the woman concerned has made, but it makes it just as valid.

Are you sure there isn’t more to the story?

That seems especially heavy handed by the gym for that. I would expect a warning not an immediate cancellation of membership.

The gym sounds stupid.

hmmm - so you think comments like this would be fine about your daughter? Just because they are more about the person saying them doesn't give them licence to say anything they feel like without consequences. Lets go back to the glory days catcalling

"He says he made what he thought was an innocent comment which was laughed off by a woman in there at the time but she complained to staff after and he received an email re. the cancellation.
Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.
He didn’t want to tell me about this because he tonight I’d be annoyed but he says he feels hard done by and that he was clearly joking."

He's a liar who sexually harassed women and he's a whiney baby when he gets called on his harassment. Call the Wahhhmbulance for his poor hurt feelings.

Comments to a woman about splitting her pants while she's exercising aren't innocent. He was hitting on her or negging her in the gym while looking at her ass and it's sexual harassment. He's dismissive about it because that shit isn't funny or a joke. It made the woman uncomfortable enough to complain. Management handled it appropriately. If staff thinks it's ok for men to sexually harass women at the gym, they shouldn't be working there.

Your BF is one of those nasty leering guys who make shitty offensive comments in the gym about women. You may put up with him but other women don't have to. FAFO, dude.

If someone said that to me at the gym, I wouldn't feel at all comfortable going back. I think he absolutely should have been banned. It was far too personal a comment.

The staff are out of line condoning it.

First rule of the gym is that you don’t stare at others while they’re working out. You definitely don’t make comments that basically say “I was watching you and looking at your arse while you were squatting”.

Ban deserved.

So acceptable to make lewd comments ‘about’ women with mates but just not to them?

Ugh. How dare he say that uninvited to a woman? Sorry @ScarlettRunner that would give me the massive ick, hugely entitled and offensive.

I would think that he's jealous of the weights I am using to do my squats personally

🙄

Riiiight

This!

1. he's a lier
2. he's creeping on women in the gym
3. he's flirting with women behind your back in the gym

OP asked for a handhold not a nest of bitches judging her.

But this is mumsnet.

What handhold would that be? Her boyfriend is a creep who tells lies.

massive over reaction by the woman/gym. Makes me wonder if theres more to it eg previous comments/behaviour. If it was someone i recognised from gym sessions/id spoke to before, Id of found it funny but whatever

Of course it's not acceptable, but unfortunately it happens. If he's the kind of twat to do it anyway, at the very least don't speak to women like that.

Urgh. Urgh. Urgh.
He looks at a woman and thinks about her leggings splitting - ie so her genitals might be on display - and then he tells her this.
Or she's overweight (not read the whole thread) and he's bringing that to her attention. Why? To intimidate? To put her in her place?
I'd laugh nervously and back away too.
That's disgusting what he said - because of the implications. If he can't see that then I'd get the ick.

I am judging her Boyfriend for being a letch not OP

It was a highly inappropriate comment and I think the gym did well cancelling his membership. Good on them for prioritising safety for its members.
His attitude towards it is the worst though, zero reflection upon how it was inappropriate.

I know you say you saw the email but really can that be all it was? I think the joke is obviously inappropriate and a bit lecherous. Probably not enough to cancel his membership though. So that begs the question what else has he done? People don’t get thrown out of a gym without a reason.