Another bedroom one. Disagree with DH, AIBU?

[Georgey0]

Just wondering people's opinions on this.

We currently live in a 4 bedroom house. There is DH and I in the master, our DD 7 in 2nd room, our DS 4 in 3rd room and DSC 15 & 13 share the 4th bedroom (which is a double).

DSC stay with us 3 nights a week technically but as they have been getting older this is starting to get more flexible with some weeks it being less now.

They have been saying for a while that they wish they didn't have to share a bedroom, which I understand, but at the same time they don't stay all that often now and they do have the biggest of the rooms aside from the master which then sits empty for over half the week. I do not want DD or DS having to share a room in their only home so that two bedrooms can then sit empty for the majority of the week which seems unfair and DH does agree.

DH and I have separate finances, we pay bills jointly and anything like family holidays together but the rest is separate, inc savings.

DH has been making noises for a while about wanting to convert our loft into a 5th bedroom so that everyone can have their own rooms, he feels as though this would encourage DSC to stay more too.

I was open to the idea but we recently had someone in to do a quote and it is a LOT of work and therefore a lot of money. We could technically afford it but it would eat practically the entirety of both of our savings.

DH is still keen to proceed, I do not want to. I am not against DSC having their own rooms and if it was do able and financially viable, I would. But I don't agree that it's worth practically everything we have in our savings accounts and to be honest, I do feel a bit resentful that I am expected to fork out everything I have too so that DSC can have another room. Imo I don't believe it will make any real difference to the amount of time spent here, I don't agree it's solely down to not wanting to share, they are getting older, especially the 15 (nearly 16yo) who spends nearly every evening and weekend with friends now.

I don't think it's worth my savings to have extensive work done to the house for an extra bedroom that in all reality is probably only going to be used semi regularly for a few more years.

There is other work we could use that money for, like a new kitchen / landscaping the garden and it isn't worth it imo.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable not to want to spend my savings on this, I think he's unreasonable expecting me to without question. He says it benefits me as well because the house will ultimately be worth more with a 5th bedroom, which I appreciate but we don't intend to move anyway any time soon.

I disagree with quite a few replies, as kids get older and go out socialising working and living their lives they naturally do tend to be out of the home more. I have a DSS he’s here more since we had our DS but only when he doesn’t have plans, he can go a week easy of being busy and also has his own bigger bedroom. Seems to me op begrudges spending all her savings and having 2 nice big empty rooms to show for it and no wonder. I bet her no would also apply to her DC in that exact scenario you’re all getting too caught up in who she birthed and missing the actual point imho

Uni they are home more tbh.

This. Spot on. Mention a DSC and MN loses it’s collective mind no matter what the situation.

Why do they need to find a ‘solution’ ? Two same sex siblings sharing a double room. What on earth do unblended families do in the same situation ?

Oh but didn't you know teenagers need their own space 🙄 as if plenty of unblended-family teenagers of same sex aren't sharing up and down the country. Poor neglected teens.

They would still have a double bedroom to share.

I know. MN is utterly batshit sometimes.

It's broken. The marriage and home are broken.

They’ll still need to sleep somewhere??

Don’t blame her. As soon as a SC is mentioned MN loses its collective mind. There’s nothing wrong with same sex siblings sharing a double room. Unblended families do it all the time. Contrary to widespread MN belief, SC are not entitled to everything they want, regardless of the practicalities and expense just because they are SC.

And they have a perfectly good double bedroom. With beds and everything.

I don't know and I genuinely can't work out what the problem is.

They'd tend to give the oldest ones their own rooms.

Not if the 2 eldest ones were the same sex and the younger 2 different sexes. As is the case here.

But the two older ones are the same sex, the younger ones aren’t.

The people I know with similar situations keep the youngest together for as long as they can, only moving around the bedroom situation when necessary, which it wouldn't tend to be at 7 and 4.

The younger 2 are only 4 and 7. Sharing a room with the different sex isn't an issue at that age.

But they already have their rooms. Why shift them about and make them share when the rooms they already have are smaller and are going to be empty a few days a week. The older DSC have their own separate rooms at their mums’. I simply don’t see a problem with the set up as it is. It’s not possible to give them each their own room without significant changing round and I think it sends the wrong message to kids to give them things on demand. Even SC.

Why should 2 rooms be spare for the rest of the week, though?

I didn't say to move them or not move them. I was just answering your question about what unblended families would do in this situation, and for unblended families in this situation the oldest ones would generally have their own rooms and the different sex siblings would share while they're young.

I was replying to a post about what unblended families do.

This is mumsnet; where everyone earns six figures and lives in sprawling houses!

Well quite! While 4 child families are quite unusual these days, both 3 child families and 3 bedroom houses are pretty common. Its also pretty common for same sex siblings close in age to share. If they were a non-blended family, OP and her DH would have arranged the 4 bedrooms the same. The fact that they are DSC is irrelevant, it is a problem that doesn't exist, so doesn't need a whole lot of money thrown at it. The OP could make the 2 younger DC share, but this would need to change in the next 2 or 3 years anyway so not worth the bother. The worst possible arrangement would be to give one of the DSC the living room as a bedroom, with a family of 6 crowding into a kitchen diner as the reception room.

Reading this thread, you'd thing the DSC were sleeping on camp beds on the floor rather than it being a perfectly normal bedroom arrangement.

Even unblended families would do as the OP has done. The younger siblings couldn't share for very much longer.
Anyway, I think the present arrangement is fine and I've no idea why it needs to change.

YABU to think that your household doesn't need to find a solution.

A solution to what? 2 same sex teens sharing a double bedroom is really not a problem!