Another bedroom one. Disagree with DH, AIBU?

[Georgey0]

Just wondering people's opinions on this.

We currently live in a 4 bedroom house. There is DH and I in the master, our DD 7 in 2nd room, our DS 4 in 3rd room and DSC 15 & 13 share the 4th bedroom (which is a double).

DSC stay with us 3 nights a week technically but as they have been getting older this is starting to get more flexible with some weeks it being less now.

They have been saying for a while that they wish they didn't have to share a bedroom, which I understand, but at the same time they don't stay all that often now and they do have the biggest of the rooms aside from the master which then sits empty for over half the week. I do not want DD or DS having to share a room in their only home so that two bedrooms can then sit empty for the majority of the week which seems unfair and DH does agree.

DH and I have separate finances, we pay bills jointly and anything like family holidays together but the rest is separate, inc savings.

DH has been making noises for a while about wanting to convert our loft into a 5th bedroom so that everyone can have their own rooms, he feels as though this would encourage DSC to stay more too.

I was open to the idea but we recently had someone in to do a quote and it is a LOT of work and therefore a lot of money. We could technically afford it but it would eat practically the entirety of both of our savings.

DH is still keen to proceed, I do not want to. I am not against DSC having their own rooms and if it was do able and financially viable, I would. But I don't agree that it's worth practically everything we have in our savings accounts and to be honest, I do feel a bit resentful that I am expected to fork out everything I have too so that DSC can have another room. Imo I don't believe it will make any real difference to the amount of time spent here, I don't agree it's solely down to not wanting to share, they are getting older, especially the 15 (nearly 16yo) who spends nearly every evening and weekend with friends now.

I don't think it's worth my savings to have extensive work done to the house for an extra bedroom that in all reality is probably only going to be used semi regularly for a few more years.

There is other work we could use that money for, like a new kitchen / landscaping the garden and it isn't worth it imo.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable not to want to spend my savings on this, I think he's unreasonable expecting me to without question. He says it benefits me as well because the house will ultimately be worth more with a 5th bedroom, which I appreciate but we don't intend to move anyway any time soon.

You’re right; currently DSC have three bedrooms between the two of them, and DD and DS have two bedrooms between the two of them. Thoroughly unfair.

I grew up with a slightly younger sister (18 months) and a younger brother.

We had a three bedroom house.

My sister and I always shared (and it wasn't a large room), and this was 7 days a week/365 days a year.

I cannot understand why they need separate rooms for just a few days a week.

Legally a room with no window is not a habitable room!

Thats still not legally a habitable room

Well I think we need to ask the Dursleys’ opinion on that …!

They live there 40% of the time - hardly barely used.
You resent them clearly, you will soon be back demanding that one of your DCS has the bigger room because they have more toys.

What goes on in your house is your problem not what they have at their mothers.

Don't worry in 2 years time one will be at uni/college and the problem for you will be which of your DC you put in the big room and which small room can you squeeze the DSC into.

You do not come across well tbh OP

Wizards are different.
They can aparate out of any space so having a window for escape purposes is irrelevant

Its also worth noting that whilst young Wizards can’t use Magic outside of their school they can for emergencies

signed
Love BscMag, MPhilMag, Phd Harry 😁

YANBU to reject the the loft conversion if it would use up all of your combined savings. You might not get the full value back if you sell, especially if the downstairs is small in comparison ( what sounds like a combined kitchen/ diner with a walk-through area, and then a separate living room, is not commensurate with most five-bedroomed houses). And you obviously can't access the equity if you need money quickly.

YANBU to not want to lose the main sitting room that you use all the time.

YABU to think that your household doesn't need to find a solution.

It sounds to me like the least invasive option is to split the existing large double bedroom into two rooms. It should be easy to either put in another window, or change the design of the existing window to two smaller windows with a line of bricks to split them. New windows, a stud wall and an extra door would be far, far cheaper and less invasive than a loft conversion, even if you need to buy new furniture.

Random suggestion - buy a motor home. Presumably this would be a lot less than a loft conversion. Park it in the drive and one or both DSC can sleep in it ( I would have loved this as a teen). You can also use it for holidays of course.

I agree. I would change the window situation so the room can be split into two separate rooms. I definitely wouldn't be using all my savings for a loft conversion, savings are important.

In a couple of years the eldest will be 17 and off to Uni maybe in no time. Don't spend your money on a loft conversion you'll need the cash ( and more) then. And again when the second follows.

So no new kitchen then?

Put a sofa bed or day bed in the play room, lots of storage for step child and to put toys in there away. Make it a 5th bedroom when step children come that doubles as a play room when they are at their mums.

Surely it's preferable to share a room with her sister rather than have a day bed in a playroom?

I'd partition the room three ways such that:

During the daytime, there are 2 semi enclosed spaces that have a communal window area

At night time, or when the SC seeks privacy, there is a sliding partition that closes off their area from the communal area, giving 3 separate spaces.

This will mean that in the future, as the older one goes off to university, the younger one, in solo visits will have full access to their bedroom section and the communal area, by just closing the other child's sliding partition.

You'll have to buy space-saving furniture, but it should work.

Your DH is BU by attempting to appropriate your personal savings.

proud as I am to have not just missed it normally, maybe try explaining then instead of being rude?

perhaps if people can miss it that obviously you didn't explain it very well?

having re-read all your posts you're actually just imposing your own feelings about your experience as a child onto random kids you know nothing else about, rather than answering logically.

If you pay for the one large window in the sc room to be bricked up and two smaller windows installed, it will be way cheaper than a loft conversion. The kids can then go online for ideas to design their smaller bedrooms. Loft beds, sofa underneath etc…

One assumes a new kitchen won't deplete both OP and her husband's savings.

Surely it makes more sense to split the large bedroom. Depleting all of their savings in a loft conversion or extension would be an unwise move and leave them more financially vulnerable

Perfectly normal for teens to share while the younger children of different sex do not.

Depends on ages maybe, but also gender. My friend has 2 teen boys 16 and 14, then an 11 year old girl, and a 5 year old boy.

Two small rooms and one larger available for the kids, so the teen boys share the double, and the 11 year old girl and the 5 year old boy have their own smaller rooms.

Sometimes teenagers want things that they can't have, it's part of being a teenager.

Absolutely! It's really not a problem sharing a large bedroom for a few nights per week.

If they’re both the same sex and it’s a double room why is that not equal. Or would you have a brother and sister sharing ?

SDCs of 15/16.
You have now until 21 minimum to get through. They do not disappear at 16😂

What if their mother wasnt around?

FFS. Every bloody time, without fail.

But it makes far more sense. Young children rarely care about sharing but teenagers really need their own space. Pop them in the biggest room and give the teenagers their own space.

You're saying they're not there often but that's likely because they don't have their own space?? It will be impacting on your husbands relationship with his children. Making your younger children share won't impact your relationship with them, so do the right thing.