Neighbour I barely know approached DH to imply that I'm cheating

[NC2StayAnonymous25]

I've been with my DH for 8 years, we moved into our current properly (an apartment) 2 years ago.

Below us lives a woman and her son, who looks around 21ish yo.

We don't know them to speak to bar a polite hello when passing in the foyer.

About three weeks ago the son approached my DH and said "are you still with your misses?"

DH, confused, says "yes, why?"

The neighbours lad then tells him that he saw me with another man the previous week, on a certain street, talking to him on the doorstep, and he thinks that he should have words with me!

DH didn't mention anything about it until tonight when we had a disagreement about something unrelated.

I'm livid.

I was able to explain exactly who it was and why (completely, unequivocally innocent of any wrongdoing - I was collecting an amazon fire tablet from a seller on Facebook marketplace!)

I would understand it if the neighbours were friends of DH and had spotted me kissing/cuddling somebody, but to interfere and stir up trouble without any suggestion I was up to no good, has pissed me right off.

It's the implication that I'm not 'allowed' to interact with men in any capacity, or I must be shagging them.

I really want to give the lad a piece of my mind but I'm being told that if I do then I ..yes I.. am going to cause trouble.

Am I being unreasonable or is the neighbour?

Both the neighbour and your husband are BU.

Why did he wait 3 weeks to mention it and even then, only bring it up in an argument?

You only have your husbands word for it that this conversation took place

That's what I asked him.

He said he didn't know how to raise it without it looking like he was accusing me.

That's true. I really can't imagine why the neighbour would make it up though.

It was definitely me on that doorstep so he must have seen me as he says.

I really want to give the lad a piece of my mind but I'm being told that if I do then I ..yes I.. am going to cause trouble.

I'd be telling him straight too! Cheeky little bastard!

My thoughts exactly.

I'm tempted to email the co proprietary of the building whilst I'm at it, to tell them about him stinking the building out with his weed.

The nosy little shit.

Ugly whichever way you look at it. Men policing women for other men.

Yep!

It smacks of contempt. How dare a married woman exchange words with a person of the opposite sex, must be having an affair 🙄

Women are told on here all the time of they think someone is cheating they need to say something it is their 'duty'

Not if the only indication of infidelity is that the DH/DW is stood in public having a conversation with an unknown person of the opposite sex.

Edit - Somebody posting that would be told to mind their own business.

There's always much, much more to it than that.

See my husband would've said something like, "Guess what that weed smoking little weirdo downstairs said".

Or something simple along those lines.

Exactly. That argument only holds water if there was some basis for his claim. What an illogical stance to take@BlondiePortz.

I suspect DH was sitting on it and waiting to see if anything suspicious cropped up which would add credence to the implication that I'm cheating.

A bit like when we read on here that somebody has been sent an anonymous 'tip off' that the DH is having an affair, the poster is often told to ignore it if there's no proof but to keep a close eye on things.

It's be livid and definitely give the guy a piece of mind. Does he have issues of some kind? Learning difficulties or mental health issues?

I'm not sure about any LD's or mental health problems really. I've never had a conversation with him, only ever said hello/morning. I do know that he smokes a hell of a lot of weed.

I also know that he tried to gossip to DH about his next door neighbours at one point.

DH crossed paths with him in the foyer and apparently he was saying "did you hear so and so having a domestic last night"

I think he's an all round nosy bastard tbh.

It's strange for a young man of that age to want to involve himself in grown folks relationships isn't it?

They aren’t told to pass on rabdom gossip or surveil their neighbors! And they are often told not to say anything for fear of male anti-female violence.

That's a really good point.

If I were in an abusive relationship that dickhead would have put me in danger by saying what he did.

Yes he sounds like a right gossip monger

Am I being unreasonable or is the neighbour?

The neighbour is a 21 year-old no-life with a weed habit. You know the answer. The questions are, what do want to happen, what can you and your DH actually do to make that happen?

I'd like to tell him bluntly to keep his nose out of my business and to stop causing trouble.

Ideally, I'd have liked DH to do the same at the point he was approached but that ship has long sailed.

Maybe your DH could tell the young man that you were talking to plain clothed policeman about the drugs in your building

What a trouble making little shit stirrer. Why try to sow seeds of discontent in your relationship? Probably fancies you. He can’t have much of a life if he needs to monitor & gossip about his neighbours for kicks. I wouldn’t speak to him. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

It sounds like the young man is an Andrew Tate incel type who thinks it’s his business to police women.

I’d definitely be shopping him re the weed (and because it’s a vile smell for everyone else to have to put up with).

I’d be tempted to confront him but he might well get unpleasant. He sounds like a right little shit tbh.

Unusually I see this from the POV of your DH - very possibly a first 😵‍💫

Man downstairs might have some form of skunky paranoia, trust issues, hates women or be struggling with his mental health - or some combo thereof, or all together. He might fancy you - or your DH. He might have thought he was doing the right thing by the nice man upstairs. But the fact he said anything is like a flashing beacon of BEST AVOIDED to me.

It would have been nice if DH had either dismissed it as what it is and said nothing to you (best idea) or defended your honour to randoman - but I suspect he’s got a point about not wanting to engage. I don’t know what I’d even say I’d someone came to me with something like that. It’s such a weird statement to make to someone you barely know that I can’t imagine replying ‘I heavily doubt my husband is having an affair, anyway that’s not really evidence is it, maybe best not to say that sort of thing again?’ I’d just be like ‘riiiight thanks’ (very strong mental note to not speak with them for the rest of my life if at all possible).

I totally get why it would be insulting but for the sake of not getting into discussion about my marriage with neighbours I’d file it under ‘thing a person said.’ Clearly if he pushes it again there might need to be a little chat but I don’t know if I’d want to fall out with someone who lives below me, smokes weed all day and doesn’t really observe social norms.

I’ve read all the comments and can’t believe not a single one one of you - not even you, OP - picked up on the fact that OP’s husband said confronting the kid would “cause trouble.”
There wouldn’t be any TROUBLE if that little shit had minded his own business and kept his big mouth SHUT.
Consider what’s left to do just tying up loose ends, @NC2StayAnonymous25.
Just be careful of creating enemies. ❤️