Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour I barely know approached DH to imply that I'm cheating

168 replies

NC2StayAnonymous25 · 26/04/2025 00:09

I've been with my DH for 8 years, we moved into our current properly (an apartment) 2 years ago.

Below us lives a woman and her son, who looks around 21ish yo.

We don't know them to speak to bar a polite hello when passing in the foyer.

About three weeks ago the son approached my DH and said "are you still with your misses?"

DH, confused, says "yes, why?"

The neighbours lad then tells him that he saw me with another man the previous week, on a certain street, talking to him on the doorstep, and he thinks that he should have words with me!

DH didn't mention anything about it until tonight when we had a disagreement about something unrelated.

I'm livid.

I was able to explain exactly who it was and why (completely, unequivocally innocent of any wrongdoing - I was collecting an amazon fire tablet from a seller on Facebook marketplace!)

I would understand it if the neighbours were friends of DH and had spotted me kissing/cuddling somebody, but to interfere and stir up trouble without any suggestion I was up to no good, has pissed me right off.

It's the implication that I'm not 'allowed' to interact with men in any capacity, or I must be shagging them.

I really want to give the lad a piece of my mind but I'm being told that if I do then I ..yes I.. am going to cause trouble.

Am I being unreasonable or is the neighbour?

OP posts:
EstherGreenwood63 · 26/04/2025 07:55

Wow. I would be very angry too. I would be having words with the little Tate-freak AND so should your husband. You're being let down here OP. 💐

Original poster
NC2StayAnonymous25 · 26/04/2025 07:56

I've just raised it with DH again and his position is that he doesn't think the lad has done anything wrong.

Apparently it's not causing trouble to say that he saw me, even though the implication was that I'd been caught doing something wrong.

He's getting defensive now because I told him 800 odd people think the neighbour is being unreasonable and plenty have said that he is being unreasonable for not defending me and telling him to mind his own business.

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 26/04/2025 07:59

Him being dismissive towards you would piss me off way more than stoner boy ever could, oh my god.

The nerve on both of them.

EstherGreenwood63 · 26/04/2025 08:03

He gets worse. I honestly think this could enter deal-breaking territory for me. Especially in light of your comments re his 'less than angelic' behaviour. Sounds like he is a bit if a Tate-freak himself. Ffs.

TroysMammy · 26/04/2025 08:04

Do you think the weirdo could have been following you?

Serpentstooth · 26/04/2025 08:08

I was absolutely astonished by similar situation years ago. Husband working away for weeks, assorted friends male, female, couples had dropped in as friends do. Various, yes more than one, people had noticed that I'd broken a social rule I knew nothing about. I'd invited MEN into our house in husband's absence. Apparently in thise circumstances, any man is there for one reason only and I must be shagging them senseless as soon as the door closed. This was in a small town in Devon. I'm from London. I found it very oppressive living there, half a century behind all of my friends. Utterly bizarre closed mindsets some people have. Moved back to town ASAP where nobody watches your visitors on a husband's behalf.

FairKoala · 26/04/2025 08:13

Raise what with you? The fact you were talking to a man on your doorstep?
Is that some sort of crime? What are you supposed to have done?

I would break it down to your dh into the exact words used.

You were seen talking to a man on your doorstep.

So f* king What?

Neighbour said he should have a word with you? Did your dh ask why he should have a word with you. Or what that word should be

Why would your dh saying you were seen chatting to a man on your doorstep be an accusation?

I would then ask neighbour why he thought to even talk to your dh about you talking to a man on your doorstep

I would act really confused and try to act concerned that he must be really lonely and bored if he wanted to strike up a conversation with your dh and used you talking to a man as his conversation starter

Or is he of some weird religious sect where women talking to a man on her doorstep is seen as noteworthy
Is his life so sad and lonely that he has to spy on you and make comments about normal everyday interactions.

I am presuming you are going to be standing on his doorstep so should you tell his mother to have a word with him

I would ask him what he thought he saw and how that was something he felt he needed to tell your dh’s about
I would ask him what word you dh was supposed to be saying to you

Elephant is a word

So Creep. Weirdo is another word, another is Stalker.

His weed smoking is seriously affecting his grip on reality

As for your dh I think he needs to take some lessons in listening and understanding words

He sounds like he could be open to being scammed if he doesn’t understand what exactly is being said

RunningJo · 26/04/2025 08:17

Your DH doesn’t think this lad has done anything wrong?!… yes he has, he’s implied, with absolutely nothing to go on other than seeing you talk to someone, that you’re possibly having an affair.

This lad needs to get himself a hobby other than starting running and smoking weed.

I would absolutely be reporting the weed smell, and whilst I wouldn’t go and knock on his door I would wait until I see him to mention something like ‘oh, glad I’ve seen you, my DH says you wanted to speak to me about a man you’d seen me with”.

Original poster
NC2StayAnonymous25 · 26/04/2025 08:21

I've had to put an end to discussing this with DH this morning as it was headed for a row. He's being very defensive, I suspect because he knows he hasn't handled this well.

He doesn't want me to say anything to the lad because he thinks the way I go about it (IE that I'm angry) will come back onto him, and the lad "knows a lot of people" and it'll probably end with DH getting beat up.

I like the idea of framing it as "oh I'm glad I bumped into you, my DH said you wanted to speak to me about a man you saw me with?"

OP posts:
FlamingoQueen · 26/04/2025 08:21

Next time you see the neighbour, I would say that you can’t be seen talking to him as some nosy neighbour has been trying to stir up trouble with your dh and actually now you think about it, there has been a smell of weed around so you’re wondering who you should report that to!

battairzeedurgzome · 26/04/2025 08:21

I don't usually condone violence, but I think your husband was remiss and should have punched the obnoxious youth in the mouth for impugning your honour. It's a bit late now.

rainbowstardrops · 26/04/2025 08:21

crumblingschools · 26/04/2025 01:21

Maybe your DH could tell the young man that you were talking to plain clothed policeman about the drugs in your building

Yes!!! I don’t think he will though because he doesn’t like ‘trouble’ 🙄
The interfering shit.

diddl · 26/04/2025 08:28

RE asking does DH trust me, I don't think he does completely no. He has been less than angelic himself and I think suspects that one day I might do something in retaliation.

Well that's the problem then isn't it?

If that's the case I don't know why you're so pissed off with the neighbour.

He said what he saw & it shouldn't have mattered to your husband.

Who also should have shut him down for the "have words" bollocks.

SparklyGlitterballs · 26/04/2025 08:29

Of course the neighbour was doing something wrong. There are hundreds of reasons you may visit another person at their home. It's not like you were hugging the person. I might not say anything to the neighbour (he could be unstable) but I'd definitely report the weed nuisance.

thedancingclown · 26/04/2025 08:29

Could it be that the neighbours are just 💩stirrers and are doing it for a laugh?

Do a test and get your DH to chat with one of your pals in the street and see if they imply he is having an affair (or vice versa). It could also be the lad is a Tate follower and thinks all women should be on a leash when out of the home.

Original poster
NC2StayAnonymous25 · 26/04/2025 08:34

diddl · 26/04/2025 08:28

RE asking does DH trust me, I don't think he does completely no. He has been less than angelic himself and I think suspects that one day I might do something in retaliation.

Well that's the problem then isn't it?

If that's the case I don't know why you're so pissed off with the neighbour.

He said what he saw & it shouldn't have mattered to your husband.

Who also should have shut him down for the "have words" bollocks.

It's a problem, granted, but the problem at hand here is that I've got a weirdo neighbour feeding back information on my whereabouts and suggesting I'm having an affair.

I agree that DH should have shut it down and I'm really annoyed at him for not doing so.

I just don't think the neighbour should be doing it in the first place. It's bizarre behaviour and completely over stepping given the fact I was only seen talking to somebody.

OP posts:
RunningJo · 26/04/2025 08:36

That was supposed to say rumours not running - although maybe if he starts running he’d have less time to be a gossipy dickhead 🤣

Thingamebobwotsit · 26/04/2025 08:39

Weird neighbour. But your DH needs to be the one who has a word with him. Not you. If this guy is potentially on drugs, putting yourself in the line of fire is not safe. And I think you should say that to DH. This is quite creepy, and while you are rightly angry your DH needs to step up a bit.

I also agree that your DH probably sat on it, not knowing what to do with the information. I am not sure I would know what to do if I was in his position - with or without a backstory.

MermaidMummy06 · 26/04/2025 08:40

YANBU!! many years ago now, my friend's DH was fixing my car. It sat in their front yard for the weekend while he fixed it.

A few months later, someone came into friend's work & told her she should know her DH was having an affair with me. Neither of us knew them.

My friend & I laughed, but it took a while to work out it was because my car was in their driveway & her neighbour was friend's with DH's ex best mate's parents. DH's mate blamed me for the friendship breakdown (not his switch to JW & constant preaching). I've no idea how they knew it was my car as I'd never met them. Might have seen me there at some later date, I guess.

Some people are just stirrers with no though for consequences. I was lucky in that friend, nor my DH would ever believe it.

I'd definitely have had a word about making lies up & gossiping about people they didn't know, IF I'd ever met them!

hididdlyho · 26/04/2025 08:48

Wow the son is a prick. I'd speak to him in front of his Mum about how it's inappropriate for him to be spying on people and maybe he should find a better hobby. Of course, you need to involve his Mum because this kid thinks it's inappropriate for members of the opposite sex to speak to each other and you need to have a chaperone (wtf)!

I'm not sure where to start with the husband. The fact he hasn't apologised and is defending the idiot is wild, especially when he's a known gossip. It hopefully won't be long before the lad has some tale to tell about your husband.

Fioratourer · 26/04/2025 08:49

I think your husband is awful for throwing this at you. Surely he knew you were collecting something off fb that day! I often wonder with spouses that throw accusations around that they have guilt over past behaviour or something to hide. I would be more livid with him than the neighbour. He is supposed to love you and know you! The neighbour may be immature but that guy could have been related to you for all he knew! Weird how he saw one interaction and told your dh. I think that says more about the neighbour than you. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of his parents cheated at some point.

diddl · 26/04/2025 08:56

I've got a weirdo neighbour feeding back information on my whereabouts and suggesting I'm having an affair.

He shouldn't but he is & it should just be ignored for the shit it is.

Do you think he might have followed you?

Or are you in a small place that he might just have seen you by chance?

Original poster
NC2StayAnonymous25 · 26/04/2025 08:57

The neighbour rides a moped and is often out and about on it.

The place he saw me is only a 5 minute walk down the road and around the corner, so he was probably on his way home or on his way out.

OP posts:
diddl · 26/04/2025 08:58

NC2StayAnonymous25 · 26/04/2025 08:57

The neighbour rides a moped and is often out and about on it.

The place he saw me is only a 5 minute walk down the road and around the corner, so he was probably on his way home or on his way out.

Well that's a relief at least!

TheKeeperOfTissues · 26/04/2025 08:59

I'd be wondering if the weirdo followed you?
Your husband is being ridiculous and knows it, hence the defensive stance.
I agree with others who have suggested you go to neighbours door and speak to manchild in front of his mum and put him straight.

As for your husband, only you can decide if you want to put up with that level of shite from him 🏵