Neighbour I barely know approached DH to imply that I'm cheating

[NC2StayAnonymous25]

I've been with my DH for 8 years, we moved into our current properly (an apartment) 2 years ago.

Below us lives a woman and her son, who looks around 21ish yo.

We don't know them to speak to bar a polite hello when passing in the foyer.

About three weeks ago the son approached my DH and said "are you still with your misses?"

DH, confused, says "yes, why?"

The neighbours lad then tells him that he saw me with another man the previous week, on a certain street, talking to him on the doorstep, and he thinks that he should have words with me!

DH didn't mention anything about it until tonight when we had a disagreement about something unrelated.

I'm livid.

I was able to explain exactly who it was and why (completely, unequivocally innocent of any wrongdoing - I was collecting an amazon fire tablet from a seller on Facebook marketplace!)

I would understand it if the neighbours were friends of DH and had spotted me kissing/cuddling somebody, but to interfere and stir up trouble without any suggestion I was up to no good, has pissed me right off.

It's the implication that I'm not 'allowed' to interact with men in any capacity, or I must be shagging them.

I really want to give the lad a piece of my mind but I'm being told that if I do then I ..yes I.. am going to cause trouble.

Am I being unreasonable or is the neighbour?

He’s a little creep but your husbands reaction is bizarre to me. I’d be furious that he was prepared to believe that guy, and just kind of sit on it, rather than have a grown up discussion.

I know my husband. If a neighbour came to me and said he’d been speaking to a random woman we would laugh about it.

If you reverse the sexes then a lot of the posters here would just assume there was some basis for his claim. It's daft to suggest this doesn't happen here constantly.

I'd agree with this. Forget the idiot downstairs. He's not your problem. I kind of understand why your husband might not bring it up, but not why he wouldn't bring it up and then would after an argument.

Weed smoking can cause paranoia.

Whatever about the twat neighbour I would get the total ick for my husband if he behaved like that.
Him listening to your neighbour speak about you like that is ugh.

Report his weed smoking paranoia too.

I wouldn't confront him because he might be vindictive. He sounds unreasonable.

I would report the weed use most certainly and strongly.

They'd both get told to fuck off, some incel policing a grown woman and your DH for not telling NDN to jog on, let alone giving it any credence. Does he have form for not trusting you?

Not without proof they aren't.

Weird neighbour is giving incel vibes! I wouldn’t confront but it’s an odd reaction from your husband! My would have said ‘that weird stoner kid from downstairs had such an odd conversation with me!’

So if it is a women 'there needs to be proof' a man 'no smoke without fire'

Could it be that your husband saw you and us using the neighbour as a decoy?

Yeah, but remember, the OP wasn't actually doing anything wrong...

You are desperate to do the tedious ‘double standards’, aren’t you? But you are completely wrong.

No women on mumsnet is told to start gossiping about a random neighbour to their wife (who they also don’t know) because they’ve seen the man talking to a random woman on the street. In fact the most common response would be ‘mind your own business’.

And all this NDN has said (as far as the husband has told the story) is that he saw OP talking to a random man and told DH he should have a word with his wife.

But do go find a post where most posters are encouraging that to happen if you want to make your point.

What’s your marriage like generally?

Women absolutely are told to say something (the sisterhood and all that) and often it really is based on the most spurious “evidence”, anyone remember the post where a man was seen having dinner with someone somewhere and posters were encouraging the woman to ring the hotel in question, pretend to be the woman, hire private investigators etc and this bloke wasn’t even her husband but a random work colleague.

yes, often they are told to mind their own business and I agree with that sentiment. But there are always a significant amount of posters on those threads who say that they should tell.

And There would be far more posters saying that the woman should bide her time and look out for evidence if a neighbour had come up to you and said that they’d seen your husband on the doorstep with another woman.

I don’t actually think there is anything to be achieved by approaching the bloke, if he’s a stirrer then it could absolutely cause trouble, and given there’s not actually anything going on what’s important is the relationship between you and your husband, not what went on with this bloke.

I learnt the hard way you don't trust neighbours and keep private always some curtain twitcher around

I’d ignore the neighbour and not give him the satisfaction of knowing how it panned out. He’s immature and a misogynist who think women are men’s property.

id have a serious conversation with your dh about being honest and about expecting him to defend you in that type of situation and shut it down.

id be annoyed at the fact he waited until you had a row, I bet it distracted from his fault/responsibility in the row. I find that frustrating as things don’t tend to get resolved.

I would be knocking on the neighbours door and reminding him to mind his own business.

This was my thought too. Telling another man that he needs to “have words” with his wife smacks of misogyny. While he’s smoking weed all day I expect he’s online with the other sad loners.

Oh God, go away! What a nosey fucker, to say the least.
What does he want to gain from that?

Your husband should have told you as soon as he said that though, just so you could both have a laugh...

if he said he saw your DH doing the same would you have told.your husband straight away? I I wouldn't bring it up three weeks later!

I get it, you feel confused, (and I've felt guilty before with similar, even though I've never cheated😂) but he's heard this and has been silently struggling on, poor bloke...🙄

Does he want you to apologise for something you haven't done? I get keeping the peace but fuck that 🙁

Women ARE told they need to report cheating to other women often.

Cheating. Not report when you see someone's husbands on a doorstep chatting with someone. That's absolutely ludicrous.

The neighbour is being unreasonable, but honestly your husband more so. He didn't say anything and then brought it up in an argument?! He should be bringing it straight to you, and the discussion of it should have nothing to do with him being argumentative. Like he sat on it for a point to score? Stupid man.

I would be most upset at my husband. If it really bothered him why didn’t he ask you at the time? If he trusts you why didn’t he laugh it off or shut down the nonsensical conversation with the neighbor? And why would he bring it up during an argument - sounds like a way to deflect from whatever you were arguing about?

So your partner waited 3 weeks, then threw this at you while you were having an argument? That’s not OK at all.

It shouldn't be you @NC2StayAnonymous25 that tells the neighbour creep of- it should be your DH. He needs to go and tell neighbour that if he ever tries that shit again there will be hell to pay. That he ought to try getting a job instead of sitting at home smoking weed and spying on his neighbours to shitstir.

I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction that he's 'caused trouble'. People who meddle in other people's business revel in having an influence on others lives, he's doing it because he likes the drama and the reactions. He probably doesn't like women and likes to cause trouble for them.

Agreed, I'd be having serious words with your partner...you have absolutely no evidence that stoner boy said anything in the first place