Neighbour I barely know approached DH to imply that I'm cheating

[NC2StayAnonymous25]

I've been with my DH for 8 years, we moved into our current properly (an apartment) 2 years ago.

Below us lives a woman and her son, who looks around 21ish yo.

We don't know them to speak to bar a polite hello when passing in the foyer.

About three weeks ago the son approached my DH and said "are you still with your misses?"

DH, confused, says "yes, why?"

The neighbours lad then tells him that he saw me with another man the previous week, on a certain street, talking to him on the doorstep, and he thinks that he should have words with me!

DH didn't mention anything about it until tonight when we had a disagreement about something unrelated.

I'm livid.

I was able to explain exactly who it was and why (completely, unequivocally innocent of any wrongdoing - I was collecting an amazon fire tablet from a seller on Facebook marketplace!)

I would understand it if the neighbours were friends of DH and had spotted me kissing/cuddling somebody, but to interfere and stir up trouble without any suggestion I was up to no good, has pissed me right off.

It's the implication that I'm not 'allowed' to interact with men in any capacity, or I must be shagging them.

I really want to give the lad a piece of my mind but I'm being told that if I do then I ..yes I.. am going to cause trouble.

Am I being unreasonable or is the neighbour?

In either case there needs to be more proof than standing on a doorstep chatting in the middle of the day.

Absolutely but his way of bringing it up.

100%!

"The neighbours lad then tells him that he saw me with another man the previous week, on a certain street, talking to him on the doorstep, and he thinks that he should have words with me!"

Just discussed this with my male partner. I'm assured the young 'un would've been told very firmly that I'm entitled to speak to who I like and it's noone else's business, least of all a pot head nosy neighbour with nothing better to do with his time.

And if they are told their partner is cheating they should not say anything as he’s only lie, gather evidence and prepare to leave.

I don’t think your husband did anything wrong mulling over how to raise this with you, and it likely making him a bit concerned.

this is mumsnet though so I’m sure he’s at fault somehow

Yes they are

Sorry OP accidentally pressed YABU but I meant YANBU!

I think I'd be more pissed off with my other half to be honest. The neighbours are being A holes of course, however they aren't supposed to love and support you.

Your other half seems to have used this against you/bought it up in an argument which is way worse in my opinion.

Completely agree...are you sure this convo actually took place?
Or did your DH cook it up to inflame you?
This way if you confront the neighbour lad, you would look crazy- job done for DH.

He'll drive you crazy, then call you it , and let you behave in a crazy fashion in front of others too...

Have other instances similar to this happened in the past? Think carefully OP..

Id tell DH the neighbour said DH was having an affair with ....whoever...just make something up....
See his reaction then

I wouldn't approach the neighbour. Sounds like he's got issues, to say the least. If you live in close proximity in an apartment he could make your life hell. OP I know this is unlikely but is it remotely possible that your DH saw you on the doorsept talking to this bloke?

Smoking weed makes people paranoid, that's probably his problem. Next time you see him I'd say can you smell weed in these flats it's only been the last (and however long he's lived there) it's disgusting.

Heading out to buy fresh supplies of drugs, undoubtedly. Definitely shop this unsavoury eel 👍🏾

Hi op,

the lad seems deranged, living close by…I wouldn’t.

however your dh! Wow!

Sounds like attention seeking nuisance behaviour from this boy. He wants you to confront him because he is a saddo who will get a kick out of an argument with you. He clearly has no life of his own if he has the time and inclination to try and cause trouble between a married couple. Ignoring him as though he is of no consequence in your life and letting him see you and husband being affectionate together will be a better way to annoy him rather than the attention he craves.

Incel pothead sounds the type to enjoy causing trouble - I’d steer well clear of any communication with him. He cld make your life a misery & sounds like he’s got the potential to be a neighbour from hell (when mum’s out working to pay for him). The weed rolling & constant presence in the hallway is intimidating on a low level or at the least intrusive on your privacy & bordering on anti social behaviour. If he knows “people” locally he prob comes from a family of local wronguns & wld really not want any escalation involving that at my door. Even tho he’s a little shit he’s got potential to be a liability. What’s the mum like? She prob tells him he can’t smoke that indoors so he goes out & rolls them outside & then smokes them inside when she’s out anyway. So she clearly doesn’t see any wrong in it. Him parading it for all to see is pathetic but another indicator of lack of concern or thought for others & a sad display of hardness/anti establishment/ masculinity. I’d be so angry too OP but don’t think it’s worth it.

You don't know for definite that he did tell your husband - for all you know your husband saw you - was suspicious and said it was the lad downstairs who told him - hence not wanting you to confront him in case he denies it.

I would say something - whether your husband likes it or not - he had his chance to say something - who is it going to cause trouble with or for?

I think the husbands getting an unnecessary bashing here. He didn't ask to be given that info from the neighbour and most likely didn't mention it because he thought it was probably nothing and didn't want a confrontation with the OP. The fact he raised it in an argument is not unusual. People always say things they wish they hadn't or didn't mean in a row. The neighbours a dick though but I wouldn't mention it to him as he sounds like trouble. If he does anything similar again your husband needs to support you next time and say he is fully aware of who you were with or speaking to

Yep, sounds like you have an incel nut job living next to you. He's still living with his mum so he'll take his virgin revenge out on you guys.......FFS keep the doors locked!!

Did the neighbour actually say that? Or is your DH tracking you and he came up with the neighbour as a way round of asking you why you were in a certain. place? I would nicely ask the neighbour and get their reaction.

I'd definitely have a word with the downstairs neighbour, preferably in front of his mother, and embarrass the nosy bastard.

And your husband should be sleeping on the couch for a few weeks!

I'd definitely have a word with the downstairs neighbour - preferably in front oft of his mother to embarrass the hell out of him.

I pity anyone this young lad dates, if their partner talking to someone else = definitely having an affair.

Your husbands reaction is extreme, it’s quite the jump to think this boy will have him assaulted.

I think I’d be more interested in knowing what my DH’s response to the nosey neighbour was