Neighbour I barely know approached DH to imply that I'm cheating

[NC2StayAnonymous25]

I've been with my DH for 8 years, we moved into our current properly (an apartment) 2 years ago.

Below us lives a woman and her son, who looks around 21ish yo.

We don't know them to speak to bar a polite hello when passing in the foyer.

About three weeks ago the son approached my DH and said "are you still with your misses?"

DH, confused, says "yes, why?"

The neighbours lad then tells him that he saw me with another man the previous week, on a certain street, talking to him on the doorstep, and he thinks that he should have words with me!

DH didn't mention anything about it until tonight when we had a disagreement about something unrelated.

I'm livid.

I was able to explain exactly who it was and why (completely, unequivocally innocent of any wrongdoing - I was collecting an amazon fire tablet from a seller on Facebook marketplace!)

I would understand it if the neighbours were friends of DH and had spotted me kissing/cuddling somebody, but to interfere and stir up trouble without any suggestion I was up to no good, has pissed me right off.

It's the implication that I'm not 'allowed' to interact with men in any capacity, or I must be shagging them.

I really want to give the lad a piece of my mind but I'm being told that if I do then I ..yes I.. am going to cause trouble.

Am I being unreasonable or is the neighbour?

Report him!

I'd just ignore it as he is you neighbour. Your husband should be the one to tell him, he was wrong and what happened.

This lad has some sort of paranoia from the weed

I have no idea what might motivate the OP's husband to behave the way he has done. I'm asking questions in the same way you have done because his behaviour is odd.

Pointing out that OP only has her husband's word that the conversation with the neighbour took place after he has behaved strangely is reasonable. To then wonder why he might lie, if it isn't true, seems logical. Some very controlling men do track their partner's movements.

Despite the justified rage i'd feel, i'd let it slide. He's clearly high and whacking off to the Tate brothers, and anything you do will just further entrench that view. That kind of stoner is the type to sneak about scratching cars, messing with post, being a trouble causing sneak. Remember, he's special because he's escaped the matrix, so unlikely to have a law abiding social conscience. Who needs the hassle? The plod might go round if you say you can smell pot, but even if he's growning, they won't care unless it's a flat full. If this happened to me, the kid would get a "dont speak about my wife again", without further elaboration, given the conversation was between them! Every now and then these sad little creeps are going to leak out of mummy's basement, and onto the street.

Perhaps knock on his door and say to his mum, I just thought Id let you know, I've seen your son smoking weed. Thought I'd best let you know.

What horrible men - both of them.

Quite shocking that a 21 year old has such misogynistic views.

Also quite shocking your husband didn’t give him an ear full; explain it’s 2025 and women are allowed to be seen in conversation with a man unchaperoned. He should have then come straight home with a funny story to you.

if men don’t call out this sexist nonsense we are in trouble.

oh thats bollocks! I experienced something similar and my husband came flying is saying "You will NEVER guess what some idiot has just said to me" and made clear that he had handed the person their arse on a platter.

Down to your DH now. You have given him a reason for the conversation with this other man, not that you needed to but in the circumstances your DH deserved and explanation. You have cleared up that your DH needs to communicate with you quicker rather than letting something fester. This is his only mistake really so far. Its not his fault the neighbour is full of shit.

Finally its now down to the strength of your relationship and your DH to be able to just let it go and if it happens again to tell the neighbour & the son to go fuck themselves and stop spreading idle gossip about his partner as he 100% trusts you.

Dont give them a seconds more thought.

Dh would have just laughed and been, “okay, thanks for letting me know” and then told me because it’s hilarious. But then again, he knows I definitely don’t like people enough to be having an affair. 😂

I agree that the posters are right that your DH has handled this badly. And you are right to be angry at him and the neighbour.

But I also agree with your husband that you shouldn't confront the neighbour. You are hoping once you he knows you know he'll skulk off and stop being nosy and talking to your DH. Honestly, I doubt that will be the case. If he really is a Tate wannabe, do you think he will take kindly to being confronted by a woman. Might make him think you do have something to hide. You already know he's a bit of a weirdo/stoner with too much time on his hands. What if he uses it to cause more trouble or could actually be dangerous. I just can't see that, other than making you feel better, there would be any benefit to confronting him and it might well end up making living there worse.

Definitely report him for the constant weed smoking directly outside the building. The freeholders/lease management company will write to his mother who is presumably the main tenant and they will also inform the owner of the property. If he doesn't stop and other tenants complain repeatedly the owner will have to evict them or risk having their lease revoked, which means losing the property.

If you own your flat then I'd avoid engaging with him personally in case it turns into a long running dispute and you will have to disclose it if you try to sell your apartment and they are still living there.

Just make it your life's work to make things as difficult as possible for him to continue to live there by complaining constantly to the block management company and if you get a chance to get other occupants to do the same then so much the better.

Weird, nosey, socially inept, misogynistic little shit that he is.

Exactly. Mine would do the same.

I'd say there are serious communication issues in your marriage op if your dh was unable to bring this subject up with you

Sounds quite Tatey. Jumped up little prick

I would definitely say something to him on the lines of, "Oh my H told me you were stirring? the fact that I was talking to someone down the street, does not warrant you sticking your nose in. You don't know if I was talking to my Dad, or canvassing for the labour party, or visiting a client, or picking up a purchase. So why don't you mind your own business, after all you're not exactly in a position to shit stir."
& yes I would also dob him in

The 21 year old neighbour probably lives on a diet of Andrew Tate. Grim.

Did you not tell your DH that you were going to x house to pick up a tablet from John Doe so if anything bad happened he knew where you were?

I have never picked up a Facebook item without telling someone where I was going first...

If you had why did your dh not put 2 and 2 together?

Nosy neighbour and twat DH.

Agree. He’s early twenties, a pothead and lives at home with his mother. He probably spends most of his life on the internet reading incel rubbish about how terrible women are rather than, you know, actually making improvements to himself and his life which might mean he can move out and meet someone nice.

I got a hug from a former work colleague when I bumped into him last night - what would your neighbour have made of that?!? Women and men can interact without sex being involved! My husband was in the same pub btw.

Shit stirring little twerp. It says more about him that you.

Some people have nothing better to do than stir up trouble for other people.

He is a little cunt. Your OH better hope that the only reason he didn’t mention it was because he saw it for the malicious tittle tattle it was. If he believes a word of it, or entertained this shit stain for a second, he’s no better.

You're seriously telling me you'd inform a neighbour their wife was being unfairhful if you saw her chatting to a random male? You're batshit.

Tell his mum on him

This would be a deal breaker for me, sorry OP. The boy implied you were having an affair and instead of handing him his arse your DH mulled it over and brooded for three weeks before telling you about it. And he thinks the boy has done nothing wrong ? And I’ve just re-read your posts, and it appears your DH is no angel. So maybe kick him out and while he’s packing up his stuff, remind him that he’s the one who needs watching, not you.