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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 25/04/2025 23:17

I had a teacher in the early 90s who utterly humiliated me in front of the whole class when I was 10. If I ever had the pleasure of bumping into her again I would do much worse than be aloof

mynameiscalypso · 25/04/2025 23:21

What are you complaining about? Sounds like she has a valid reason not to want anything to do with you. She’s acting as a professional by not letting it influence her care of your husband - which you admit you have no issues with.

Houseplantsaresoothing · 25/04/2025 23:22

I think if you were her patient and she was being unpleasant or rude to you then you could complain.

But I think so long as she is treating your DH well and there is no problem with her manner with him or the care she is giving him then you should just put up with the situation for his sake and not complain.

JorgyPorgy · 25/04/2025 23:23

You could apologise, explain it was a low point and say you’ve changed? Try to make amends ?

helloquitty · 25/04/2025 23:23

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helloquitty · 25/04/2025 23:24

You smacked children ?

BassesAreBest · 25/04/2025 23:25

I can’t believe you insisted on a private word with her when she isn’t even treating you!

If she is giving your husband appropriate care then that’s all that matters.

Emonade · 25/04/2025 23:25

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

I think you are making excuses for inexcusable behaviour and she was well within her rights to be curt. She is doing her job let her get on with it

ilovesooty · 25/04/2025 23:25

The care and treatment she's giving your husband is fine. I don't think you have any grounds for complaint. It's fortunate for you that you left teaching when you did by the sound of it.

HansHolbein · 25/04/2025 23:25

You reap what you sow.

millerpie · 25/04/2025 23:26

You may not of had any complaints made against you at the time but she certainly didn’t forget your disgusting behaviour.

Frostgiant · 25/04/2025 23:26

You physically abused children in your care and you think she is unprofessional for being ‘aloof’? Alrighty then.

Auroraloves · 25/04/2025 23:28

You have no grounds to complain.

She is providing professional care and is not there to be your friend

edit: I’m surprised you are being so casual snd blasé about your behaviour management techniques, and even more surprised no one complained.

id love the opportunity to confront my childhood bullies, be they teachers or peers

onetwothreefourfive11 · 25/04/2025 23:28

You sound a hypocrite and miserable

smacking children
but you want to complain about her being ‘aloof’

Bubblesaremyonlyfruit · 25/04/2025 23:29

Wow, perhaps take the chance to apologise for causing trauma and hope that she can move forward.

Trallers · 25/04/2025 23:30

Oh wow. Obviously you had an awful time in teaching and did the right thing to.leave, but I don't think you can downplay the effect that your struggling self had on those students.

Personally, I would thank her for being so honest and apologise for what was clearly a dreadful time had at your hands. I think I'd mention that you left teaching after that as you realised you weren't coping. Then I'd thank her for not letting your past behaviour towards her affect the quality of care she gives your husband and reassure her that you will give her the space to continue to do her job well.

I wouldn't even consider complaining.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/04/2025 23:30

You were abusive to children and you want to complain because she’s unfriendly? No.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 25/04/2025 23:30

I think you should smack her. It's not allowed now but it wasn't allowed then either so what's the difference?

Jayneyy · 25/04/2025 23:31

You have no right to complain.

Part of me thinks this is made up as you sound like you couldn’t care less what you did to kids when you were a teacher- you should be ashamed if this is true.

Regardless if it wasn’t allowed but still went on omg seriously?? Child abuse isn’t allowed but it still happens - does that mean you can/ will do it?

I would be hanging my head in shame if I were you. In the 90’s I was hit by a teacher who was so frustrated as I couldn’t understand a maths question- there was no complaint ever (just like you had none) because I was scared to tell anyone and to this day I never have.

I genuinely cannot believe you feel entitled to complain after your shocking past.

LushLemonTart · 25/04/2025 23:31

I can't believe you've written that and ask if you're being unreasonable?
I had an awful primary teacher. I couldn't believe it when dcs started a different school and she was still teaching. There was no way I'd have allowed them to be taught by her.

WhatsOpp · 25/04/2025 23:31

I went to school when teachers were permitted to be violent to children.

It’s not just that. You have anger management issues and are a bully

  • you thought it appropriate to pull a well performing professional to one side because they might have been a “little curt”
  • they tell you their reason. Your school violence sounds quite extreme and justification for her to be not warm towards you
  • your reaction is not to reflect but get “riled up”
OfNoOne · 25/04/2025 23:31

What did you think was going to happen, that the children to whom you were verbally and physically abusive would magically forget? Be happy to see you?

She's been professional in continuing to provide care for your husband. Can you imagine how upsetting it may be for her to have to work with him and see you, remembering what you did? Show her some basic respect. Apologise for your actions and then stay well away from her. You should be ashamed of yourself.

FrazzledHippy · 25/04/2025 23:33

Personally, I'd be mortified that I'd abused and traumatized a group of children...

GreenSkyes · 25/04/2025 23:33

This reply has been deleted

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Keepingthingsinteresting · 25/04/2025 23:34

She’s doing the right thing by your husband, and your behaviour has clearly had a massive, negative impact for her to remember all that time later. You should have apologised to her when she explained, and you certainly need to own the consequences of your behaviour.

I was at school I the 80s, hitting was not allowed and whilst you were clearly unsuited to the career and struggling you have damaged those children and should not be looking to make excuses now. The very least you can do is not make a complaint.