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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
BigHeadBertha · 25/04/2025 23:59

First, I've felt like medical people were short/curt with me at my husband's medical appointments before. Not often, but it's happened. I usually just take a hint that even though my intent is good, they feel like I'm overstepping or they're too exhausted to deal with a patient's family member too or whatever. They're really there to deal with the patient, not the patient's wife. Of course I don't especially like it but I shrug it off, since what counts is him getting his care. I just keep quiet then and stay out of the way. I would not bother asking to have a talk with the medical person about it because it's not what's important in that scenario.

Anyway, your behavior as a teacher sounds horrible and shocking. You were lucky not to get jail time for it. So, I don't blame her for disliking you or for seeming to not want to deal with you. And I really doubt anyone there would take your side, since you even admit to verbally abusing her when she was a student under your care. My guess is they'd ban you from the premises.

Just sit down. FFS.

Delphiniumandlupins · 26/04/2025 00:00

Your behaviour as a teacher, over a few months only, was so awful that this woman still remembers you. She recognises you almost 40 years later and is still traumatised enough to struggle to maintain her usual professional demeanour! Be grateful, very grateful, that she can separate her care for your DH from her dislike of you.

TheOriginalEmu · 26/04/2025 00:01

This can’t be real. I was in school in the 80s and no smacking was not allowed!! Even in mt tiny backwards school no teacher would have put their hands on a child, and throwing a desk across a room????

be grateful you got away with that and let the woman do her job, she’s not obligated to be nice to you

OakleyAnnie · 26/04/2025 00:01

Your post made me very sad. Lots of people have done things they regret. Sometimes very bad things. You did the right thing and left the profession. You’ve moved on and put the bad times behind you. You said you don’t like to talk about those days. I suspect you feel terrible and have many regrets even if you haven’t said a lot about that here.

i don’t think you should complain. You could apologise to her. Or you could ignore it. Or keep away from the hospital when she’s treating him.

i doubt you’re the terrible person people here are gleefully making out. Everyone loves a pile on and we all feel so good about ourselves, perfect as we are 🙄

wishing you well 💐

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 26/04/2025 00:01

Oh the irony of you complaining when she has been professional to her patient.

That's the thing with abuse, you don't get to decide when it stops impacting people

Busybeemumm · 26/04/2025 00:02

Entitled much OP. Just be thankful that she is looking after your DH professionally. If anything, you should apologise to her for your despicable behaviour. Thank goodness to you left teaching.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 26/04/2025 00:02

Why didn’t you apologize to her?

Sadly it doesn’t sound like you have changed much.

You want her to forgive your abusive behaviour, while being unwilling to overlook her being “ unfriendly”.

Busybeemumm · 26/04/2025 00:04

I went to primary school in the 80s and do not recall any physical punishments and really don't think smacking was allowed then.

dunroamingfornow · 26/04/2025 00:05

Disgusting. If this is true shame on you

SussexLass87 · 26/04/2025 00:08

This is so ridiculous and unaware of you - this isn't possibly be true.

If (if) it's true you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.

And 26 isn't too young to know that you don't hit children!

TwelveBlueSocks · 26/04/2025 00:09

WhatsOpp · 25/04/2025 23:31

I went to school when teachers were permitted to be violent to children.

It’s not just that. You have anger management issues and are a bully

  • you thought it appropriate to pull a well performing professional to one side because they might have been a “little curt”
  • they tell you their reason. Your school violence sounds quite extreme and justification for her to be not warm towards you
  • your reaction is not to reflect but get “riled up”
Edited

This^

I think that if you do complain you are going to have to admit to having been extremely abusive to children in a professional context and you should prepare to receive the consequences.

EdnaTheWitch · 26/04/2025 00:10

Unreasonable? You’re batshit bonkers.
I hope she tells your husband about how she knows you.

Zinnialime · 26/04/2025 00:11

OakleyAnnie · 26/04/2025 00:01

Your post made me very sad. Lots of people have done things they regret. Sometimes very bad things. You did the right thing and left the profession. You’ve moved on and put the bad times behind you. You said you don’t like to talk about those days. I suspect you feel terrible and have many regrets even if you haven’t said a lot about that here.

i don’t think you should complain. You could apologise to her. Or you could ignore it. Or keep away from the hospital when she’s treating him.

i doubt you’re the terrible person people here are gleefully making out. Everyone loves a pile on and we all feel so good about ourselves, perfect as we are 🙄

wishing you well 💐

I think if any post deserves a pile on, it's this one. Truly appalling.

LemonadeSunshine · 26/04/2025 00:11

If I was in her shoes, I'd be reporting it to the Police, now that she has your details.

Abusing children in your care - no words for your continued sense of entitlement and superiority.

ForFunGoose · 26/04/2025 00:11

TheOriginalEmu · 26/04/2025 00:01

This can’t be real. I was in school in the 80s and no smacking was not allowed!! Even in mt tiny backwards school no teacher would have put their hands on a child, and throwing a desk across a room????

be grateful you got away with that and let the woman do her job, she’s not obligated to be nice to you

I went to school
in 1980 and remember smacking and shame being the weapon of choice by bad teachers

TimeForABreak4 · 26/04/2025 00:13

Your lucky she never took the road you did and decided to launch your husband's overbed table right across the room at you. You behaved shockingly unprofessionally and abusive to CHILDREN and aren't happy that she's speaking curt to you as a non patient, alrighty then.

Growlybear83 · 26/04/2025 00:16

If you treated her like that, it’s hardly surprising that she is being aloof with you. She sounds remarkably restrained and professional - I think most people would have done far far more to retaliate. I can’t believe you’re seriously considering making a complaint about how she has been with you.

BlondiePortz · 26/04/2025 00:16

mynameiscalypso · 25/04/2025 23:21

What are you complaining about? Sounds like she has a valid reason not to want anything to do with you. She’s acting as a professional by not letting it influence her care of your husband - which you admit you have no issues with.

Yes, so in short your only complaint is she doesn't like you? I presume if you complain you will give the full story?

Franjipanl8r · 26/04/2025 00:17

You physically and verbally abused young children during only 8 months of teaching!! I never once saw a teacher smack a child in the 1980s whilst at primary school. You should be totally and utterly ashamed of yourself!

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 26/04/2025 00:17

Yabu. You obviously have no idea how traumatic that kind of experience can be for a child, which for her it clearly was if she’s still carrying it nearly 40 years later. I hope you at least apologised and acknowledged how awful your behaviour was.

Also, I was at primary school early-late 80s and never once saw any physical interaction of this kind from a teacher. One once threw a board rubber across the room (not at anyone) and that was shocking enough.

IhaveanewTVnow · 26/04/2025 00:18

Sadly parents didn’t complain in the 1990s. I had a teacher who regularly through the chalk board wiper at pupils and threw desks. It was awful. I remember it 45 years later.

you had the bulls to question a professional who was curt to you. You are lucky she was professional and didn’t tell you to sod off.

what are you complaining about? That for once you are the bullied rather than being the bully?

and you took sick leave? At 28? Disgraceful. Thank god you left teaching.

steff13 · 26/04/2025 00:19

helloquitty · 25/04/2025 23:24

You smacked children ?

Yeah, you couldn't have waterboarded that information out of me...

OP, let it go.

CountryMumof4 · 26/04/2025 00:19

OakleyAnnie · 26/04/2025 00:01

Your post made me very sad. Lots of people have done things they regret. Sometimes very bad things. You did the right thing and left the profession. You’ve moved on and put the bad times behind you. You said you don’t like to talk about those days. I suspect you feel terrible and have many regrets even if you haven’t said a lot about that here.

i don’t think you should complain. You could apologise to her. Or you could ignore it. Or keep away from the hospital when she’s treating him.

i doubt you’re the terrible person people here are gleefully making out. Everyone loves a pile on and we all feel so good about ourselves, perfect as we are 🙄

wishing you well 💐

I'm usually v happy to give someone the benefit of the doubt and agree that sometimes there can be a huge pile on the OP, which must be tricky to read. However, this person has shown no remorse. No understanding of why her behaviour has led to the physio speaking to her in a way she deems unacceptable. Instead of acknowledging the impact her behaviour in the past has had, instead she wants to complain. I completely agree with you that she should apologise, and hope you're correct in saying that she feels remorse. If she doesn't, that says an awful lot about her character.

I apologise for jumping on your post and understand your empathy. I do think the OP needs to take some responsibility for this situation though, instead of victim blaming.

ttcat37 · 26/04/2025 00:21

Sounds like you’ve got off lightly considering she was one of many witness who were affected so much by your assaults and humiliation of children that it’s followed her well into adulthood.
I say go ahead and make the complaint, make sure to include all of the detail. Then wait for the police to come knocking.

OakleyAnnie · 26/04/2025 00:22

Zinnialime · 26/04/2025 00:11

I think if any post deserves a pile on, it's this one. Truly appalling.

I don’t think anyone deserves a pile on. You do it because you enjoy it. It does no good for anyone