AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

[Toooldforallthisnow]

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

You were abusive to a group of children and try to minimise it by saying she exaggerated...no that's a traumatised child remembering what you put them through.
Yes YABU to consider complaining what do you expect her to do paint a smile on and forget what you did?

Any new teacher making this 'mistake' would be struck off and prosecuted

Why are you getting involved anyway. If she comes whilst you're visiting just go for a coffee. You sound entitled and rude yourself. Is she a good physiotherapist? That's all that matters

Surely this has to be a reverse.

Caning etc wasn’t banned till 1986 and didn’t come fully in til 1987
In private schools it was 1998 in England and Wales and slightly later in Scotland and NI.
I was at school till 1985 and it was definitely allowed

So I’m afraid this post is incorrect.
It was allowed and was considered at the time a normal punishment.

I know those who never went to school in this period will be shocked by that but it was just the way things were done then. It’s not considered right now and was stopped as it should have been but we can hardly condemn OP for basically carrying out her job like other teachers did.

OP
Id just forget about this discussion and move on. It doesn’t sound like she’s being unprofessional to your dh so it’s not a matter I’d bring up again.

It was a form of punishment allowed at the time.
Surely you know this as you’ve made a comment

I’m amazed at all the comments OP

Unfortunately we all remember the teachers we loved and I’m afraid also those that hit us too.

My first day at school I was hit for forgetting where my coat peg was.
This sort of thing Is just not something we forget but you were basically carrying out what was considered normal punishment at the time. That’s how I see it now and have done for a very long time.

I wouldn’t get upset by comments here I think most posters are younger and can’t see how things have changed so much.

These days perhaps as it’s now against the law. Not in those days though.

The OP herself said that it wasn't allowed. I guess you know more about the rules in place in her school at the time than she does?

No sympathy here. I was bullied by a teacher in the late 80"s early 90"s and can remember all of it.

You deserve everything you get, you sound like an horrendous person.

I cannot believe you :had a word' with a professional treating your husband because you didn't like the way she spoke to you, unbelievable!!

Cunt.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it

I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools

But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

These statements are why I think people have piled on you. You have admitted to everything but have quite frankly taken little accountability. OK, well done. You quickly realised teaching wasn't for you and changed career. Great. But for 8 months, your behaviour has left a lasting memory in at least one person's mind.

The fact you mention no complaint was lodged against for physical abuse in the 80s when parents were largely of the opinion that the teacher is always right, yet you want to lodge a complaint against someone who you say is doing a good job but is "somewhat aloof" toward a person that's not even her patient is absolutely wild!

People can diminish it and say "ah well I remember the same happening in my school". You've no idea what effect your actions have had on the people you taught for 8 months.

As a health professional I have come across teachers from my school years, which were in the 80’s. it has been a pleasure to give back to them. However, I did have some abusive teachers. I would avoid working with them if the situation arose.

I think that teachers who are abusive should be mindful that the children they treat poorly may be the ones caring for them in their old age.

She's treating your husband well? I wouldn't even have spoken to her, you will have come across as unhinged.

The rant that follows here suggests you may be.

Leave it alone and be glad nobody has complained about you.

I'm not sure you're in a position to make any claims about a lack of professional standards. I find your lack of shame quite troubling.

The original post says it was not allowed, but she did it anyway.

Ok thanks for correcting me there
I didn’t pick up on that tbh.

Im just aware it was still allowed up until 1987, I didn’t pick up that it wasn’t ‘technically allowed ‘ at her school or maybe because it was after the ban.

Why quote the OP 5 posts down?

The therapist is not working within the code of ethics. She should agree with her team that she cannot treat your husband due to personal past relationships and someone else should see him. I would let someone know this. I say this as an ahp.

It’s difficult though isn’t it.
Will the teachers of today be admonished for putting kids in isolation. In 30 years time those kids as adults could think their problems stem from being in isolation. In 30 years time younger parents could be in total shock at the thought of treating children like that. Teachers and the establishment often make decisions with no clue as to their long term effects on children's negative memories and trauma but we can’t be blaming our teachers for that in 30 years time.

Most Teachers and parents do the best they can. If we all spent out time considering who would look after us in our old age we would perhaps give way to everything the kids wanted. That’s not good for children.

Why? She is giving him good care - the relationship has not affected that.

This can’t be real, it just can’t! You abused children and you think you are the victim here? Sounds like you learned nothing. Good on the physio. That complaint would go nowhere - except everyone on the ward would know what you did, and you’d have to face possible consequences for your abusive behaviour. I’d be mortified in your position

As i understand it there is no questions around the care just the op's sensitivities around owning up to what they have done

Me too.
I emember her name, car and how she looked.
And yes, if I had seen her as an adult me, I would have had words

School existed before the 80s, and trust me, smacky, shouty rude and bullying teachers were alive and well in every decade!

I don’t think that was OPs question though

I also don’t think the majority of comments are very helpful or giving much in the way of advice to her.
I hope MNHQ takes this thread down it’s definitely ‘not in the spirit on Mumsnet