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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
WeHaveTheRabbit · 26/04/2025 16:12

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 26/04/2025 15:08

I did so hours ago. I suspect the OP will not return because of the nature of the responses.

I also suspect the OP won't return but I imagine for other reasons (not due to the responses).

Shatteredallthetimelately · 26/04/2025 16:14

Jesus Christ!
I really hope you're a troll, because otherwise I have to believe that you are real and totally lacking in self-awareness, empathy and shame.

I'd say even if the poster of this thread is a troll they need to seek some kind of help.
What a thing to make up.

Overtheatlantic · 26/04/2025 16:14

So you’re still a bully.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 26/04/2025 16:15

I’ve never forgiven a teacher who bullied me when I was 12, back in the 90s. And it really was bullying. I was beaten at home and a very quiet and submissive child. I’m a teacher myself and I have never made a child feel fear or humiliation. You should be rather more ashamed of yourself than you seem to be.

LSmiff · 26/04/2025 16:16

Our teachers used to beat the shit out of us & call us bastards … Imagine calling a kid a bastard now! If it’s true the OP’s admitted what they did, when not many would. Teaching has to be the worst job in the world. How many teachers have been beaten up on a daily basis, & some have been raped by these kids? Abuse my arse! Let it go OP.

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 16:19

RosesAndHellebores · 26/04/2025 14:43

I was born in 1960 and smacking was exceedingly rare and involved the intervention of the Head Teacher. If a teacher had thrown a desk I have no doubt that they would have been dismissed. Even then.

I was born in 1966
i wish I went to your school

Gustavo77 · 26/04/2025 16:32

Katemax82 · 25/04/2025 23:17

I had a teacher in the early 90s who utterly humiliated me in front of the whole class when I was 10. If I ever had the pleasure of bumping into her again I would do much worse than be aloof

.Apologies I didn't mean to quote you, my thunder thumbs pressed the wrong button 🥴

Gustavo77 · 26/04/2025 16:34

I don't blame her in the slightest, what you did was inexcusable no matter much you try to justify it and make excuses! She remembers and you "only" shouted at her, goodness knows how the other children who were physically assaulted by you feel.

I was at school during the time you're talking of. Never was smacking allowed, never mind throwing furniture. The police should have been called and you should have been charged.

I hope if you do report her, it opens up a can of works, your victims come forward and you are brought to justice. Your behaviour was despicable, you show a complete lack of empathy, you take no accountability for your actions and you have a cheek to blame her for being cool towards you. You're some piece of work!!

cumbriaisbest · 26/04/2025 16:36

I worked in a school where it was like the film Kes. Staff pinning pupils up against walls, screaming in their faces and so on. The cane, the strap.

None of it was right but it was a different world.

Shufflebumnessie · 26/04/2025 16:42

You would be extremely unreasonable to complain about her. In your own words, you've said she is professional & personable with your DH, who is her patient. Professionally she is doing nothing wrong.

The fact that she recognised & remembered you all these years later, shows just how deeply your extremely volatile & abusive behaviour was impressed on her young mind.
You state that you are wondering if her recollection has been exaggerated. However, in reality this is just your way of trying to manipulate the narrative in bid to absolve yourself of any responsibility for your reprehensible behaviour towards children.

Instead of contemplating putting in a complaint about her (something she never had the luxury of doing against your bullying & abusive actions), you should have taken the opportunity to take responsibility for your past behaviour and apologise profusely.
Next time you see her, do the right thing!

cherrymaoam · 26/04/2025 16:50

You never had a single complaint raised against you for hitting children and throwing a desk across a room in anger. But you want to raise a complaint against her for being “aloof”? Get real!

Maddy70 · 26/04/2025 16:51

Jesus ... You've mentally scared a child and you expect her to be friendly to you?

As long as she's being professional with your husband you have no axe to grind

I'm also a teacher I know how utterly stressful it is but I have never treated children that way you were unprofessional and complaining about someone that isn't "friendly"
Wow

Menopausalmum43 · 26/04/2025 18:15

I hope OP falls face first in a pile of dog shit.

halfshutknife · 26/04/2025 18:19

BlondiePortz · 26/04/2025 04:33

As i understand it there is no questions around the care just the op's sensitivities around owning up to what they have done

Communicate effectively and appropriately. You must be polite and considerate. This is set out by hcpc. If she felt unable to do that to a carer then she shouldn’t be treating the patient.

thepariscrimefiles · 26/04/2025 18:52

halfshutknife · 26/04/2025 18:19

Communicate effectively and appropriately. You must be polite and considerate. This is set out by hcpc. If she felt unable to do that to a carer then she shouldn’t be treating the patient.

Even OP has said that:

'I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him'

She was understandably aloof with OP, but it didn't affect her DH's care in any way. Surely it would not be in her DH's best interests to replace the physiotherapist that he is really happy with.

What OP did as a teacher was against the law. She committed a crime by hitting and abusing the children in her care. The physiotherapist is just trying to navigate a situation where she has come face to face with her abuser. I think she is being remarkably restrained.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 18:56

halfshutknife · 26/04/2025 18:19

Communicate effectively and appropriately. You must be polite and considerate. This is set out by hcpc. If she felt unable to do that to a carer then she shouldn’t be treating the patient.

The physiotherapist is being polite and considerate to her patient though?
She sounds like she's doing a good job with her DH.
Shouldn't have to extend it to any bully relatives.
Which she didn't anyway, as sounds like she wouldn't have said anything or brought it up if the OP hadn't said anything!

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 18:57

She was understandably aloof with OP, but it didn't affect her DH's care in any way. Surely it would not be in her DH's best interests to replace the physiotherapist that he is really happy with

Exactly

LemonFinger · 26/04/2025 19:11

I don't think you would have any grounds for a complaint. You aren't the patient so her aloofness with you isn't any grounds for a complaint . It won't help you if you complain, it won't help you move on from the past. Let it go. All of it.

lizzyBennet08 · 26/04/2025 19:16

God there isn’t an ounce of regret in your post for torturing those children. Absolutley complain so she can explain to her bosses why she dislikes you so much. Am sure they will all agree with her. You are not her patient and she can be a rude as she likes to you.

LemonFinger · 26/04/2025 19:40

Oh and you sound very insecure and if another person's physio upset you so much because they seemed curt with you . Maybe get some therapy ordeal with that low self worth.

Menopausalmum43 · 26/04/2025 19:57

Can't wait for OP to come back😀

Salad666 · 26/04/2025 20:34

The fact you're still making excuses for how you treated children and the fact you want to report her shows that you have little remorse for how you behaved.

She's being professional. You're not her patient. She owes you nothing.

LushLemonTart · 26/04/2025 20:55

Menopausalmum43 · 26/04/2025 19:57

Can't wait for OP to come back😀

Don't hold your breath 😉

TheOriginalEmu · 27/04/2025 03:30

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 26/04/2025 04:40

School existed before the 80s, and trust me, smacky, shouty rude and bullying teachers were alive and well in every decade!

Of course school existed before the 80s. I mentioned the late 80s because that is when OP was a teacher, and I know that smacking kids in school was not allowed then!

Blackpuddings · 27/04/2025 03:46

I just re-read OP’s post & it’s so disturbing on many levels. The lack of remorse & empathy is possibly the most disturbing. That she’s still questioning if the physio’s reaction to her is justified & if she should report her for being unprofessional when it’s bcos she was traumatised at her own hands as a child! It’s really chilling. Also apart from smacking the children, she threw a desk at them. Not pushed one. Threw a whole desk. I’m so in shock. Her total lack of remorse or shame - she says she’s not proud & blah blah, but that’s all just lip service, because if she was truly sorry she would be mortified & begging the physio for forgiveness. Just awful.