AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

[Toooldforallthisnow]

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

What the fuck?

What's your complaint going to be, "She doesn't like me because of illegal stuff I did to her when she was eight and I was twenty-six, but she's not making allowance for how young I was. Now she's not being nice to me, and I deserve people being nice to me."

For fuck's sake, yes, complain. I'd LOVE you to complain, so would she. Complain and come back and tell us all how it goes.

If this isn't a joke, you are one of the most self-centred, pathetic and obliviously stupid people I have ever, ever had the displeasure to be made aware of.

26 isn't particularly young, I had a child of the age that you bullied and smacked.

You sound like you're minimising and playing the victim when you should be one apologising.

I'm old enough to remember the cane, smacking and blackboard rubbers being thrown at heads, never saw a desk thrown though (wtf) absolutely disgusting behaviour, the kids then must have been petrified.

Hmmm. Wondering about this one.

Wow. That's quite the story, OP. Thanks for sharing.

I think she regrets her behaviour terribly. I think that’s why she left teaching.

40 years later. This must be a terrible shock.

Bull

And the OP physically assaulted children because she enjoyed it. That did no good for anyone either, did it?

I am appalled by your behaviour. I don't think you realise the gravity of it. The trauma caused to those children could have influenced their lives in ways you can't imagine. In your position, I would be taking the opportunity to apologise and express contrition. It's rather in keeping with your behaviour as a teacher that you feel like the victim in this situation.

But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

You never had a complaint from a scared 9 or 10 year old whilst you were physically and verbally abusing them in your position of power? Gosh I wonder why those poor children were too scared to come forward and complain, the mind boggles.

Those poor kids would have lived in fear of you ever, single day at school. That’s why this lady remembers you. You traumatised a whole class with your disgraceful actions. 26 is a fully grown adult, it isn’t young.

If she regrets her behaviour terribly she wouldnt be talking about complaining about someone who is "aloof" to her because of it, would she, for Christ's sake

I do truly hope this is the case. Hopefully the OP will come back to clarify this.

Can you bloody blame the physio? Put yourself in her shoes for a second!n You are lucky she speaks to you at all!!

WTAF do you think you could complain about?

I'm old so I have seen some fucking awful teachers but flinging a desk across a room is top level batshit crazy!

The hypocrisy of this!
Her “unprofessionalism” is her being slightly aloof.
Your unprofessionalism saw you hitting children and throwing a desk across a room terrifying 9/10 year olds.
The least you could do is apologise to her for making a school year of her life miserable, and thank her for taking such good care of your husband

Of course it's not the case, she wants to complain about someone not being nice enough to her because they remember it! How could it possibly be the case???

You could not be more wrong.

However out of curiosity I've done an advanced search ( I know, I know)on the OP. Strange first post.

I just reread the OP; there's no indication she "regrets it terribly." If she did she wouldn't have the audacity to consider reporting one of the victims of her abuse, particularly since said victim hasn't done anything wrong.

Well at least you got out of teaching quickly, but obviously the experience must have been extremely traumatic for her.

Being smacked by a teacher and witnessing angry behaviour and actions against other children is extremely frightening.

She’s likely younger than me but those memories don’t go away and are quite vivid.

You are not her patient and she’s been amazing to your husband. You have absolutely nothing to complain about.

The best you can do is apologise and say you got out after 8 months because you realised you were totally unsuitable - then stay out of her way.

If I'm honest, I don't actually think this is the case. I was merely responding to the singular poster who was trying to defend the OP. I'd like to think that the OP does have some guilt, but as you say it doesn't sound it from her singular post. And if you read my first post, you'll see my position on the whole situation.

Is this story even real? It just sounds unbelievable in the sense that someone who abused children would essentially complain about one of the witnesses to this behaviour, and they are only be curt at this point in time.

I hope this isn't real, because if it is, you are completely lacking in self-awareness. For the record, you have no grounds to complain. And you're a horrible person to even consider it.

She still clearly remembers you. That shows how much trauma she carries from your abuse towards those young children in such a short time.

You need to do some self reflection and realise just what you've done. And when you mean it, you need to apologise.

And stay out of her way in her place of employment where she is gracious enough to still treat your DH with kindness and not hand him to someone else due to a conflict of interest or treat him the way you treated her.

Let us be quite clear. She is the victim in this, not you. You traumatised her, and the rest of the class of children. When you were already an adult. And now, years later, you want to fuck up her job because she isn't kissing your abusive feet? You were awful to here, and yet even you have to concede she is providing excellent care to your husband. Apologise to her, then butt out.

Stop being ridiculous. I was at primary school in the late 80s. Smacking kids wasn't permitted.

My mum started teaching in the late ‘60s.

SHE NEVER STRUCK A CHILD.
SHE NEVER THREW A DESK.
SHE NEVER INTIMIDATED A CHILD.

It sounds like you desperately needed psychological support during that time.
If this young woman is acting chilly towards you, it sounds as though she has good reason - she isn’t harming your husband (you said so yourself).
Your grounds for “reporting her” fall apart for that very reason - she’s there for your husband; she isn’t there for you.
But it’s self-centered of you to think so.
Go sit in the waiting room while she’s there - that’s a win for you AND a win for her, certainly.

You verbally and physically assaulted children- whilst claiming it’s because you were ‘young’ you were 26- a grown woman. She remember this and is uncomfortable around whilst giving your husband and professional care. You want to complain- if I was her I’d request you weren’t allowed in the unit whilst she was doing her role. She explained- you are being highly unreasonable not to acknowledge the affect you have on her whilst she was a child.