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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
mamaison · 25/04/2025 23:36

Quite disturbing how you actually make yourself out to be a victim in this. Then and now.

Hard to believe you think you can justify your actions by being ‘only’ 26 and pushed to your limit i.e. unable to regulate yourself as an adult and taking that out on children.

What a nerve to want to complain she was curt to someone who abused children. Maybe it’s not too late for she and her classmates to make a complaint against you?

mmsnet · 25/04/2025 23:37

this is karma

good for her

breadpie · 25/04/2025 23:37

I had to read this twice to make sure I had it right... You abused her and she remembers it... This was an opportunity to apologise for your shocking behaviour but you want to complain about her instead... Shame on you !!!!

MissSookieStackhouse · 25/04/2025 23:39

You smacked children and threw a desk across the room? No wonder she remembers you. You sound like a real piece of work. By complaining about her for this you show yourself to be the same vindictive cow you were as a teacher in your 20s. Still a nightmare many years later,

ILoveMyCaravan · 25/04/2025 23:40

I’m shocked that you think treating children the way you did wouldn’t have long term consequences!!

And you’d be willing to jeopardise your husband’s recovery and well being just to retain your power over her?

Nasty, just plain nasty.

NotSafeInTaxis · 25/04/2025 23:40

You want to complain about someone who is doing their job well because they know you assaulted young children and dislike you for it?

Seriously? How do you think that will work out?

PandyMoanyMum · 25/04/2025 23:40

So she’s doing a good job with your husband and being a bit stand offish with
you?
She is being professional and giving your husband the therapy he needs. She is brisk with you and has explained why.
Stop making it all about you, Be grateful she can see beyond what a prick you were as a teacher and stop whining.

RockyRogue1001 · 25/04/2025 23:40

Joke thread?

ChickenBananas · 25/04/2025 23:42

Wow you really think you're important don't you? Mz hot shit over here

MrsCravensworth · 25/04/2025 23:42

I would have been rude to you as well.

I was treated terribly by a few teachers and it sticks with you. You abused a position of power.

ValentinesGranny · 25/04/2025 23:42

Is this some crap reverse? If there's an ounce of truth in your OP, I think you got off bloody lightly with a bit of attitude.

breadpie · 25/04/2025 23:43

This post has upset me.. triggered memories about bullying teachers when I was a young powerless child. If I were in her position, I would report your abuse to the police.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 25/04/2025 23:44

You sound ridiculously unaware of how memories of events can( and do) stay with people for life.
I’m now 60 and can clearly remember being rapped across the knuckles for giving a wrong answer in maths aged 10. I was lucky she regularly dragged others on chairs by pulling their arms.
That woman should’ve never been a teacher, like you.
Your DH is her patient and her focus not you
Get over yourself

CountryMumof4 · 25/04/2025 23:44

Surely the fact that this woman clearly remembers you and your behaviour so many years on after teaching her for a relatively short time should ring alarm bells. It sounds likely that she was traumatised by your (quite frankly, despicable) behaviour and has simply dealt with you as briefly and professionally as she could, given the circumstances.

This woman has clearly built a succesful career for herself and is treating your partner with empathy and professionalism, despite his association with you. It must have given her a shock when she realised who his partner is, but has still communicated with you, albeit not in the way you personally consider acceptable. You've asked for a reason for it, she's told you. You need to accept that you are the person at fault here, not her. Your life circumstances in your mid 20s were not of any concern of your students then, nor should they now be. You chose to smack. You chose to throw a table. You didn't have to do either of those things. If you complain, literally nothing would or should be done.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 25/04/2025 23:44

This isn't about you though is it?
The physio is taking good care of your husband which you have admitted yourself so simmer the feck down and accept the karma you've been dealt.

WhatsOpp · 25/04/2025 23:44

When you were throwing desks and hitting children there was no evidence.

Now there is social media. She could name you so easily and other students pile on.

I’d be super worried if I were you.

CuriousGeorge80 · 25/04/2025 23:47

This cannot be real 😂
You behaved appallingly (for whatever reason) and now there are some consequences. Good on her.

TheSlantedOwl · 25/04/2025 23:50

You should offer her a full and heartfelt apology.

Anything else shows a very poor character on your part; that you haven’t evolved at all since you were that desk-chucking abuser.

SoWhat21 · 25/04/2025 23:50

This has to be a reverse.

If not you are a terrible person with a dreadful supercilious attitude. If this is the only consequence you have faced to the awful way you behaved to young children then that is a lot better than you deserve and you should consider yourself lucky. You should have a criminal record

Redbushteaforme · 25/04/2025 23:51

mamaison · 25/04/2025 23:36

Quite disturbing how you actually make yourself out to be a victim in this. Then and now.

Hard to believe you think you can justify your actions by being ‘only’ 26 and pushed to your limit i.e. unable to regulate yourself as an adult and taking that out on children.

What a nerve to want to complain she was curt to someone who abused children. Maybe it’s not too late for she and her classmates to make a complaint against you?

This.

I still remember teachers who bullied my classmates and I am now 61.

If I ever met any of them, I would have no hesitation in telling them exactly what I thought of their behaviour. Nasty bullies whose behaviour made children's lives a misery and caused untold lasting trauma

If you complain about this physio, you will just be acting the bully again. If your behaviour as a teacher was really out of character for you, take the chance to prove it now by not trying to get this woman into trouble.

ForFunGoose · 25/04/2025 23:52

I had a teacher like you 40 years ago.
There is no excuse for how you behaved

Ghosttofu99 · 25/04/2025 23:55

JorgyPorgy · 25/04/2025 23:23

You could apologise, explain it was a low point and say you’ve changed? Try to make amends ?

This

Instead you are worried that you have been ‘caught out’ for the horrible abuse you perpetrated in the past and want to do everything you can to crush this person who has been so respectful to your husband.

Thedogscollar · 25/04/2025 23:56

@Toooldforallthisnow Omg I could be that physiotherapist!

When I was at primary school we had a woman come in to teach the girls knitting whilst the boys did woodwork. Yes I am of that age group.

The woman was awful and was unkind, never smiled or said a kind word to any of us. We sat in a semi circle and we were called out with our knitting which I loathed but tried my best at.
If you dropped a stitch she used to shout at us and throw the knitting into the middle of the floor and then the walk of shame to collect it and go back to her to rectify the mistake.

Once I had already dropped a stitch suffered the shouting and throwing of the knitting then realised I'd done it again all through fear. This time I was slapped across the back of my legs and told I was stupid. The third time I asked to go to the toilet but instead ran home.

I told my Mum what was happening whilst sobbing throughout. My Mum contacted the school told them what was going on.
The knitting lady was not asked back.

Years later I met up with said woman working voluntarily in a hospital cafe where I had secured a place prior to starting my nursing training. She hadn't changed. I said nothing and she didn't recognise me.

You sound exactly like her. You've learnt absolutely nothing from your previous job in teaching. The physiotherapist owes you nothing you are not her patient.

You physically and mentally abused children in your care. You deserve no apology. You deserve fuck all. How you have the audacity to come on here bleating poor me is unbelievable.

Bravo the physiotherapist 👏

Cillmantain123 · 25/04/2025 23:57

You are being very unreasonable.
You have no grounds for a complaint as she is not treating you.
Your behaviour as a teacher was appalling and being 26 is no excuse.
I am not surprised she remembers you.
Instead of looking to make a complaint your should apologise for your behaviour.

Ghosttofu99 · 25/04/2025 23:59

SoWhat21 · 25/04/2025 23:50

This has to be a reverse.

If not you are a terrible person with a dreadful supercilious attitude. If this is the only consequence you have faced to the awful way you behaved to young children then that is a lot better than you deserve and you should consider yourself lucky. You should have a criminal record

Edited

I actually agree with this. You should have a criminal record.