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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH putting his foot in it with remark about my friend

196 replies

RockingOverTheWorld · 25/04/2025 21:45

My DH is a wonderful man but has a bit of a habit of inappropriate comments.

His latest ‘effort’ is a step too far and he has a sulk on for me pulling him up on it. So, I’d welcome the collective wisdom of MumsNet to reassure me that I’m right to say he has crossed a line…

My bestie has a new partner - she’s a lovely, caring lady but a self confessed chatter box. We all met up last night for dinner. On the way home, DH and I were discussing what we thought of her new man and both said he seemed really nice, but that he struggled to get much of a word in sat next to my friend.

DH said ‘do you know what I would do to shut her up?’, I obviously said - go on…

His reply - ‘stick my cock in her mouth’

Totally inappropriate regarding a friend IMO, and I told him as much. He has mentioned it to me this evening and thought I should have laughed it off, and is sulking because I’ve stuck to my initial stance.

Am I becoming prudish or was that a shitty comment?

OP posts:
JSMill · 27/04/2025 08:12

Omg I accidentally voted YABU! Is there any way to change it?

Houseplantsaresoothing · 27/04/2025 08:20

JSMill · 27/04/2025 08:12

Omg I accidentally voted YABU! Is there any way to change it?

Yes you just click on the YANBU to vote that and your vote is changed to that.

notsureyetcertain · 27/04/2025 08:29

Gross your husband sounds vile

JSMill · 27/04/2025 08:34

Houseplantsaresoothing · 27/04/2025 08:20

Yes you just click on the YANBU to vote that and your vote is changed to that.

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That doesn’t work. Does it make a difference that I am using the mobile app?! I feel terrible as I think the Op is most definitely not unreasonable and her husband is vile.

Houseplantsaresoothing · 27/04/2025 08:41

JSMill · 27/04/2025 08:34

That doesn’t work. Does it make a difference that I am using the mobile app?! I feel terrible as I think the Op is most definitely not unreasonable and her husband is vile.

Show quote history

Oh right. I've never used MN on the mobile app but I have heard that there are things you can't do on it that you can do on the website.

Don't worry about it : you have posted your view of him and that's much more important than accidently voting the wrong way.

Actually on some threads it's so unclear exactly what the question is that OP's are asking you to vote on I'm sure I ve voted the wrong way on plenty of occasions.

SallyWD · 27/04/2025 09:01

DorothyStorm · 27/04/2025 08:08

So women should be silent or expect to be threatened with sexual assault?

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Absolutely not.

Newnameforaday88 · 27/04/2025 10:00

JoshLymanSwagger · 25/04/2025 21:48

You do realise he's joking, right?

Yes I think everybody got that he said it as a joke it’s just that it’s still a really unpleasant and inappropriate thing to say 🤢

Houseplantsaresoothing · 27/04/2025 10:25

Well actually @Newnameforaday88

I don't think he said it as a " joke". That's not the impression I got

He might be telling OP he said it as a joke to minimise the comment - men have a habit of disguising unpleasant truth by passing them off as jokes.

I agree with the pp who suggested this is a porn influenced scenario of how to deal with women and he was relaying a sexual fantasy to OP involving her best pal.

GBooArt · 27/04/2025 10:29

LTB. Kidding. But yes, grim.

MoistVonL · 27/04/2025 10:30

RockingOverTheWorld · 25/04/2025 22:10

The latter is his defence essentially!

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Then he has the wit and sophistication of a drunk 6th former and finds casual misogyny as natural as breathing.

What an utter dick.

PinkyFlamingo · 27/04/2025 10:32

RockingOverTheWorld · 25/04/2025 21:51

Not as inappropriate, more along the lines of ‘doesn’t she squash him if they have sex’ sort of stuff that would just get an eye roll.

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Jesus what an awful man you are with

SwanOfThoseThings · 27/04/2025 10:32

Ick.

Butchyrestingface · 27/04/2025 10:42

His reply - ‘stick my cock in her mouth’

I thought you were going to give an example of something a bit socially awkward and unfunny but that is absolutely vile.

But hey, he's showing you who he is with these 'inappropriate' rape and sexually demeaning jokes.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 27/04/2025 10:53

Laugh away then, OP. I don't know why you'd ask that here, on a board primarily posted on by women, and expect them not to be disgusted at your husband. The only mystery is why you're not?

Takes all sorts. Grim, grim, grim.

MyKingdomForACat · 27/04/2025 10:56

A comment like that would make me hate him. What a catch he is.

orangedream · 27/04/2025 11:05

Did you know he was so vile when you married him or did he hide it before now?

dontcryformeargentina · 27/04/2025 11:10

Overtheatlantic · 25/04/2025 22:05

I could never be with a man who would say something like that. Nasty.

This…
He is nasty and disrespectful.. Raise your bar , OP.

LilacReader · 02/05/2025 14:59

Are my friend and I (both female) the only ones who thought this hilarious?! He obviously doesn't mean it and it was a joke.

thepariscrimefiles · 02/05/2025 15:16

LilacReader · 02/05/2025 14:59

Are my friend and I (both female) the only ones who thought this hilarious?! He obviously doesn't mean it and it was a joke.

I could possibly understand you saying that you didn't find it particularly offensive, but to say that you found it hilarious is pretty unbelievable. It's like a joke that Bernard Manning would make in the 1970s.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 02/05/2025 15:18

If it was that big, he wouldn’t need to boast about it.

StupidBoy · 02/05/2025 15:25

Christ, this can't be real, can it?

LilacReader · 02/05/2025 15:26

thepariscrimefiles · 02/05/2025 15:16

I could possibly understand you saying that you didn't find it particularly offensive, but to say that you found it hilarious is pretty unbelievable. It's like a joke that Bernard Manning would make in the 1970s.

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I don't know how people get through life being so perpetually offended! It would be completely different if he had actually actioned his comment, I would agree with everyone.
It was a joke and one, after I finish this 'discussion', I will forget about and go on with my day, happily. Enjoy your day. x

thepariscrimefiles · 02/05/2025 15:37

LilacReader · 02/05/2025 15:26

I don't know how people get through life being so perpetually offended! It would be completely different if he had actually actioned his comment, I would agree with everyone.
It was a joke and one, after I finish this 'discussion', I will forget about and go on with my day, happily. Enjoy your day. x

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Good to know that you do draw the line at OP's DH actually sticking his cock in his wife's friend's mouth.

Plus jokes are supposed to be funny.

LilacReader · 02/05/2025 15:42

thepariscrimefiles · 02/05/2025 15:37

Good to know that you do draw the line at OP's DH actually sticking his cock in his wife's friend's mouth.

Plus jokes are supposed to be funny.

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This is boring now - it was a private conversation between a husband and wife and should have stayed there. Honestly, have a lovely day wearing your halo of superiority and let others work rather than get distracted from your misery. xx

ParsnipPuree · 02/05/2025 15:47

Love a sense of humour but unfortunately that isn’t one. He doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the box that’s for sure. Raise your bar.