DH putting his foot in it with remark about my friend

[RockingOverTheWorld]

My DH is a wonderful man but has a bit of a habit of inappropriate comments.

His latest ‘effort’ is a step too far and he has a sulk on for me pulling him up on it. So, I’d welcome the collective wisdom of MumsNet to reassure me that I’m right to say he has crossed a line…

My bestie has a new partner - she’s a lovely, caring lady but a self confessed chatter box. We all met up last night for dinner. On the way home, DH and I were discussing what we thought of her new man and both said he seemed really nice, but that he struggled to get much of a word in sat next to my friend.

DH said ‘do you know what I would do to shut her up?’, I obviously said - go on…

His reply - ‘stick my cock in her mouth’

Totally inappropriate regarding a friend IMO, and I told him as much. He has mentioned it to me this evening and thought I should have laughed it off, and is sulking because I’ve stuck to my initial stance.

Am I becoming prudish or was that a shitty comment?

Wtf? That’s a grossly inappropriate thing to say, which reflects deep misogyny and a lack of respect for both her and you (and all women)…he sounds deranged. Does he have mental health issues?

My DP sometimes used to come out with very inappropriate comments/jokes but he has ADHD and Tourette’s, his filter is set at 0.

CBT has helped a lot, though.

This "joke" is sexualising OP's friend which is already weird, considering they all socialise together. It is also misogynistic.

"Shut the woman up by doing a sexual act to her".

It is gross and disrespectful to OP and her friend.

My DH and I have some pretty dark hunour. He would NEVER joke like that.

Just because something is said in a joking way, it doesn't make it acceptable or okay.

What a vile misogynistic comment. He needs calling out on this.

Your DH is not a wonderful man. He's a gross misogynist.

It was a joke, poor taste maybe but said between 2 married people in private. I would probably have laughed but told him that it was in poor taste then I would have forgotten about it. If that is all you have to moan about then you are not doing too badly.

nonsense

Yes he was joking but it was a tasteless and inappropriate joke.

Yet another man whose first thought about a woman whom he deems annoying (or merely that she is a woman) is to stick his cock in her ...against her will and probably with no warning; oral rape. This is your husband having these imaginative sexual thoughts ...about your friends.
Why ? Why do they have to fantasise about penetrating everything ?

I’d have taken him to have meant if he was in that situation with you. I might have given him a silly bastard look but would have known it was a joke and laughed. Why can no one take a joke these days? Jeez

@BusyExpert do you like misogyny then?

If he had made a racist comment would you think that was funny?

That would turn my stomach, no going back from that for me I’m afraid.

What bit was the joke?

Because we all know gay men are all for the misogynist sexy bants, right? Hilarious!

What a disgusting man . Not wonderful at all.

But he still makes mean jokes about women he thinks are overweight. He sounds misogynistic and rude. He may think that they are 'jokes' but they aren't funny or witty.

But the Inbetweeners were all teenagers and the jokes were really on them as none of them had had any sexual experiences so it was all bravado and bluster to immpress their friends. Even so, lots of those jokes wouldn't be acceptable now.

OP's husband saying that about a mutual friend is puerile, unoriginal, disrespectful and absolutely not funny. I can't believe that you thought it was.

OP your DH is not 'a wonderful man'.

This was a completely grim and unacceptable comment to make about another woman.

'@JoshLymanSwagger · Yesterday 21:48
You do realise he's joking, right?'

You are the only one laughing...

Ah. So let me just check.....Oral rape is funny if it DOESN'T happen, but if it's likely to happen then it's NOT funny?

Glad we got that cleared up.

I was thinking this.

This is a cliched thing in the more degrading, woman-hating side of porn.

(I know most of it is degrading, but you do get porn where it's just two people going at each other with enthusiasm).

I used to frequent a rather toxic male dominated forum, attached to a sport/fitness site, and I saw memes/short videos being posted showing this (in that case a woman talking in an aggressive way to man and him then roughly shoving his dick into her mouth)
It was posted in relation to discussions of a woman being - in their eyes - a pain in the arse or bossy etc.

So I would guess he's either using quite a bit of porn (and the nastier, degrading end of it) ..or he's on toxic masculinity forums where they show that meme or talk in that way about women.

In general he seems to think about your friend's in sexual terms (she must squash her partner, she talks too much, I'd shut her up with a cock in her mouth). Which is creepy/sleazy in itself.

And that also seems to be derogatory, rather than neutral.

He's also too dumb/poorly adjusted to guage that you're not one of the lads (the more disgusting end of "lads") that he shouldn't expect to "banter" like this with and you'll find it funny or have a neutral reaction.

But in a way that's a good thing, because at least you know how he thinks and talks with his male friends. If he was slyer and more discrete, you wouldn't.

This. I cannot imagine being with a man who said things like this. How do you have any respect for him? He clearly has none for women.

But he still makes mean jokes about women he thinks are overweight

There was also a default of being derogatory about women perceived as overweight on the forum I mentioned.
Constantly joking about it and being derogatory. For example, one of the "witticisms" - if someone posted an image or a woman they perceived as overweight or suspected to be overweight from a face shot- was to write "Whale, whale, whale" (instead of well, well, well).

Even if he's not being influenced by stuff like that, he clearly thinks that way himself. Taking the piss out of women re their weight (and making it sexual too).

There's a toxic (and dumb) streak in him.It"s sexist/misogynistic, sleazy and vulgar.

I don't think any reasonable woman would be comfortable with that, so you are most definitely NBU.

My DH is a wonderful man but has a bit of a habit of inappropriate comments

Now that you've given examples of the inappropriate comments....that's a bit of an oxymoron.

He's not really wonderful if he repeatedly says things like that.

He's a wanker.

You can tell him to stfu but you'll still know what he's like underneath (if he even manages to stfu)

No wonder men get away with talking about women in such derogatory ways when their wives and partners accept it and laugh along with it.

Why are you minimising a truly disgusting remark which totally betrays a misogynistic view of women?