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Original poster

DH putting his foot in it with remark about my friend

196 replies

RockingOverTheWorld · 25/04/2025 21:45

My DH is a wonderful man but has a bit of a habit of inappropriate comments.

His latest ‘effort’ is a step too far and he has a sulk on for me pulling him up on it. So, I’d welcome the collective wisdom of MumsNet to reassure me that I’m right to say he has crossed a line…

My bestie has a new partner - she’s a lovely, caring lady but a self confessed chatter box. We all met up last night for dinner. On the way home, DH and I were discussing what we thought of her new man and both said he seemed really nice, but that he struggled to get much of a word in sat next to my friend.

DH said ‘do you know what I would do to shut her up?’, I obviously said - go on…

His reply - ‘stick my cock in her mouth’

Totally inappropriate regarding a friend IMO, and I told him as much. He has mentioned it to me this evening and thought I should have laughed it off, and is sulking because I’ve stuck to my initial stance.

Am I becoming prudish or was that a shitty comment?

OP posts:
Springtimehere · 26/04/2025 09:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

notatinydancer · 26/04/2025 10:35

JoshLymanSwagger · 25/04/2025 21:48

You do realise he's joking, right?

Couldn’t think of many jokes less funny

CurlewKate · 26/04/2025 11:29

I wish women wouldn’t collude with shit men.

pinkyredrose · 26/04/2025 11:36

Hope the fuck is what he did meant to be funny?

Op could you share with us how he's 'wonderful'?

BusyExpert · 26/04/2025 12:59

Houseplantsaresoothing · 26/04/2025 09:34

No wonder men get away with talking about women in such derogatory ways when their wives and partners accept it and laugh along with it.

Why are you minimising a truly disgusting remark which totally betrays a misogynistic view of women?

Show quote history

I think you need to calm down and grow up. It's over reaction like this that causes people to mock Mumsnet.
I am sure if you try hard you will find some real concerns that better deserve your outrage

Purplecatshopaholic · 26/04/2025 13:06

YourAquaLion · 25/04/2025 22:09

I thought this was funny! Sorry everyone! He was just joking, and it’s gross, shocking and kind of obvious (I guessed that was what he was going to say) but it reminds me of the inbetweeners so I did laugh. Of course oral rape is not funny in the slightest, but this was just a silly purile thing to say about a talkative lady that would obviously never happen, so it amused me.

This. Wouldnt be losing sleep about a very obviously jokey comment said in jest and in private to me by someone I know doesn’t find oral rape funny..

NotSafeInTaxis · 26/04/2025 13:10

What low standards you have Misses Wolfs

MrsTWH · 26/04/2025 13:23

BusyExpert · 26/04/2025 12:59

I think you need to calm down and grow up. It's over reaction like this that causes people to mock Mumsnet.
I am sure if you try hard you will find some real concerns that better deserve your outrage

Show quote history

No need for this. This is quite an unnecessarily aggressive post, “calm down” and “grow up”? Why? I wonder how old this poster is, as I think women of a certain age are just absolutely done with this misogynistic bullshit and stuff like this is just the thin end of the wedge. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. So one person might just see it as “bantz” but when you finally wake up and pay attention it’s all just very much part of the much bigger problem and “real concerns” that you feel we ought to be outraged about.

Hdjdb42 · 26/04/2025 13:36

Eww. He obviously hates her.

LoveIndubitably · 26/04/2025 13:51

BusyExpert · 26/04/2025 00:30

It was a joke, poor taste maybe but said between 2 married people in private. I would probably have laughed but told him that it was in poor taste then I would have forgotten about it. If that is all you have to moan about then you are not doing too badly.

Would you say the same if he had said it about stopping an elderly or disabled person from talking?

If not, why? - if they are both funny purely because they wouldn't happen?

Houseplantsaresoothing · 26/04/2025 14:15

@BusyExpert

Well I think the way women are treated and viewed in society in general and by men in particular is, and should be, of real concern to all women.

Language is very important.

I presume you would find racist language unacceptable? Misogynistic language should be equally unacceptable.

Men need to be called out on their attitude to women by women, not encouraged and enabled by them.

StrawberryDream24 · 26/04/2025 14:55

BusyExpert · 26/04/2025 12:59

I think you need to calm down and grow up. It's over reaction like this that causes people to mock Mumsnet.
I am sure if you try hard you will find some real concerns that better deserve your outrage

Show quote history

Her comment was perfectly reasonable.

"Calm down and grow up" - says a lot about you.

crumblingschools · 26/04/2025 16:20

@BusyExpert at what point would you pull somebody up on misogynistic behaviour? If you had a daughter and their bf said something similar would you tell her it’s only bantz, ignore. If you have a son would you encourage such comments

Bearing in mind many girls (and female staff) are having to put up with such comments in school, where do you draw a line?

OP’s DH seems to have a pattern of saying derogatory remarks about women, where would you draw a line with a partner

Gustavo77 · 26/04/2025 16:24

That's not "inappropriate" that's awful. He's not someone I'd want even just as a work colleague who I saw rarely. He sounds hideous.

SallyWD · 26/04/2025 16:25

I think this is something some men say to each other about talkative women. I've heard a couple of men say this before. Obviously not a good thing to say to your wife.

crumblingschools · 26/04/2025 16:28

@SallyWD surely not a good thing to say at all

crumblingschools · 26/04/2025 16:29

If posters are okay with their partners saying something as a joke, are they happy for their partners to say racist comments as a joke?

SallyWD · 26/04/2025 16:35

crumblingschools · 26/04/2025 16:28

@SallyWD surely not a good thing to say at all

No, not at all but men (some men!) do tend to talk to each other in a more crude and vulgar way.

WaryHiker · 27/04/2025 01:10

You sound like Melania excusing Trump for his boys will be boys locker room talk.

How about we don't accept that standard from the men in our lives, whether or not it's said in front of us? There are plenty of decent men around who wouldn't dream of making jokes about oral rape.

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 27/04/2025 01:14

Eww. Strange and also gross. I thought you were going to describe a small social faux pas.

Galwaygirlxxx · 27/04/2025 01:21

That is disgusting

What jokes does he say when you're not there

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/04/2025 01:38

Wonderful men don't think rape jokes are funny and then sulk when they are rightly pulled up on it.

He's disgusting and I wouldn't be married to someone like that.

SapporoBaby · 27/04/2025 02:58

Not only disrespectful to you but down right rapey. He joked about sexually assaulting your mate…

4kids3pets · 27/04/2025 05:46

Disgusting no joke in that

DorothyStorm · 27/04/2025 08:08

SallyWD · 26/04/2025 16:25

I think this is something some men say to each other about talkative women. I've heard a couple of men say this before. Obviously not a good thing to say to your wife.

So women should be silent or expect to be threatened with sexual assault?

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