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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Meal Drama over £2

291 replies

Nightlightonplease2025 · 25/04/2025 21:16

My cousin invited myself and two other women out for a 'taster meal session.' I accepted right away. Another declined and the other woman my good friend stated she would come along. Today was the day of the meal and my friend came with her 18 year old daughter. We all sat together in a group of 4. When asked by the waitress regarding still and sparkling water, my cousin stated still. The waitress came back and poured the water into all 4 glasses. At some point during the meal my cousin went to drink some water and she noticed a lipstick stain, it seems my friend had drank from her glass and her own by mistake, it didn't seem like much, it seemed like only a few sips from the glasses as the majority of water was still in the glasses. My cousin asked for a new glass and my friend started to drink out of her own personal water bottle and didn't drink again from the glasses. My friends daughter also drank the still water.

My cousin asked for more water and I drew her attention to the fact she said still at first and did she mean it, she stated no and said she had meant tap. The waitress came back with more water and started to pour it into the glasses, my friend stopped her stating she didn't drink tap water. We continued on with the meal and had a great meal, ordering drinks etc. I believe my cousin asked for the bill and then my friend and daughter said they needed to go to the bathroom. The bill came before they left to the bathroom. The waiter stood waiting and my cousin asked if he could come back later, we did also mention the two other guests were in the toilet as he thought they had left for some reason. I added my bill up and my cousin added her bill up and I asked about the water as I noticed she had attributed a quarter of it. She stated everyone drank from it. I said okay and added a quarter onto my bill. The waiter came back and asked if we were paying now, I think it had been around six minutes since he had been at our table. My cousin paid and then asked are you paying and the waiter came over to me and asked how much I was paying, so I told him my portion and paid.

My friend and her daughter came back and sat down. As she was looking at the bill I tried to explain it to her twice and she looked annoyed and said yes yes, I know. As a discount on the bill had not been clear, I had wanted to explain it. I couldn't even explain to her that the water had been split 4 ways. She called the waiter over to pay and I asked her how much she was paying and she stated £94 and I stated the balance was £96. She looked visibly upset and said why was she paying for the water and if she was it was suppose to be split 3 ways not 4. To tell you the truth I couldn't really understand this argument. So I said her daughter was 18 and should be included in any split. Anyways she paid but was not happy. About 5 minutes after she left I got a text saying she was annoyed and other things, and that annoyed me. My cousin said I will pay her the two pounds give me her account details, but I didn't as I thought that might upset her more, so I texted her saying my cousin would pay, could she pass on her details.

So who is being unreasonable? My cousin or friend? To be fair its such a stupid fight and over £2. It boggles the mind.

I think my cousin should have paid for the water, but we shouldn't have drank any if we weren't prepared to pay towards it, regardless, if the waitress poured us a glass or not.

Also my friend believes we were a bit rude to pay without her and my cousin feels she was a bit rude to go to the bathroom before settling her bill as the bill came before she left, and she wasn't bursting to use it, she was just going to have a try because she had a long journey afterwards. My cousin thinks she could have tried after the meal, as we could have all sat and discussed the bill then.

OP posts:
Daffodilsarefading · 27/04/2025 02:09

Quibbling over £2 when she had consumed over £90 seems ridiculous to me.
I think the friend sounds like a pain in the arse.
She should not have toddled off to the loo either, she should have settled the bill first.
I’d be wary about dining out with her again.

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 02:20

MoonWoman69 · 26/04/2025 19:13

There are so many inconsistencies in this story, I don't actually quite believe it!
My main one is that your cousin and your friend are both tight, down to the last bit of penny pinching, yet your friend is lovely and treats you often?! Hmm...
There's an odd dynamic going on here between all of you. And yes, the bill should have been split 4 ways, an 18 year old is an adult.
I'd like to know how the initial arrangements were worded? Did you say to your friend "My cousin would like you to join us for a meal" or was it "My cousin and I are going for a meal, would you like to come too, the cost will be so and so?" The wording of the initial invitation would be the crucial piece of evidence in this charade! Especially as they both buggered off to the toilet with their bags and coats and spent ages in there! Was your friend under the impression that her and her daughter had been invited out and weren't expected to pay? Vital information I'd say!

I actually think you're at fault here for being a complete wishy-washy peace keeper, instead of calling your cousin and your friend out at the time! There's no way I'd have put up with that petty shite, even after a nice meal! I'm not bolshy or overly assertive, but I'm not a walk over either!
There's no way I'd be going for a meal with any of you!
There's so much more to say, but to be fair, my head hurts after trying to work all this bizarre situation out!

My cousin invited us by text message in one of our groups on WhatsApp. I understand how you could say there's inconsistency. Let me try to explain, I don't often have much extra cash, so sometimes they will treat me so I can tag along, because they want the company, like cinema, roller disco night, etc. However, say we're doing an activity and I'm paying my way and it's like something like £33.65, they wouldn't round it up to £34 they would just pay that exact amount. When my financial situation was better, they never treated, but as I'm now a single parent with kids, they will treat when they want me to join. I don't want to make out I'm poor or they are always treating, as I do have a decent paying job, but they're very active individuals and enjoy trying new things.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 02:24

Daffodilsarefading · 27/04/2025 02:09

Quibbling over £2 when she had consumed over £90 seems ridiculous to me.
I think the friend sounds like a pain in the arse.
She should not have toddled off to the loo either, she should have settled the bill first.
I’d be wary about dining out with her again.

I think if we had settled the bill before the toilet, a lot of confusion and time could have been saved. As we could have all discussed it.

I've dined out with both and there's been no issues. I just think the dynamic of us as a three didn't work. Haha and I was planning a 40th birthday meal with them and 4 other friends.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 27/04/2025 02:38

MadCattery · 25/04/2025 21:49

American here. I know we aren't too popular on MN. But, it is so, so normal to say, right at the start while ordering, "Separate checks, please. " and with the mother/daughter, to add "those two are together". It's so normal that if we forget to ask, the server will ask at the end of the meal.

We can do that over here too. However, the one who ordered the water would then be expected to pay for it so the problem still would have arisen as the cost needed to be split between whoever drank it.

BadLad · 27/04/2025 02:39

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:53

I'm starting to think that without me, they would never socialise together. I think you've made a good point. I'm starting to think maybe some jealousy was at play also, because halfway through the course I swapped seats with the daughter.

Sorry, what exactly caused the jealousy? Your swapping seats with the daughter?

hereismydog · 27/04/2025 03:01

BadLad · 26/04/2025 01:26

He’ll just have to suck it up.

I just roared at that 😂🤣🤣🤣

I’d only just got over the OP’s friend trying for a wee, the waiter hoovering and the random blimp and then I saw your comment and it finished me off. I’m wheezing Grin

LillyPJ · 27/04/2025 03:26

I'm quite (actually very!) careful with money, but all this fuss over £2 when you're already paying nearly £100 is ridiculous! Poor waiter too - did anyone leave a tip?

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 27/04/2025 06:33

@LillyPJ no one left a tip

At least they left a good story for the poor waiter to go home and talk about because he was probably 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

LittleBigHead · 27/04/2025 07:33

I just don't want to be the one running around apologising.

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for @Nightlightonplease2025 !

Give them both a bit of time & space, and then resume contact when you want to - and never ever go out with them both together ever again!

I'd be passively-aggressively shaming them both for their meanness re tips and leaving a big one next time. I can't abide meanness.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 27/04/2025 09:59

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 02:24

I think if we had settled the bill before the toilet, a lot of confusion and time could have been saved. As we could have all discussed it.

I've dined out with both and there's been no issues. I just think the dynamic of us as a three didn't work. Haha and I was planning a 40th birthday meal with them and 4 other friends.

Please stick to McDonald's drive thru in future - it's embarrassing that grown adults can't handle a meal out (and not even a tip after all the hassle you caused?)

croydon15 · 27/04/2025 10:04

Growlybear83 · 26/04/2025 21:18

I think you’re all being ridiculous not to just split the bill four ways, regardless of who had what. I can’t believe that you seriously added up the cost of what you each ate 😳

You are wrong why should someone else pay for the friend 2 glasses of wine and coffee, is she can afford the wine she can afford the water.

croydon15 · 27/04/2025 10:26

I don't care how nice you say your friend is, if you ask for still water you will get a bottle of water if you want free water you ask for tap water, educate her; not leaving a tip after 3 hours in a restaurant is shameful behaviour, l always leave a tip the normal amount is 10 or 12.5% unless service or food was awful or already included.

elfendom · 27/04/2025 14:00

croydon15 · 27/04/2025 10:26

I don't care how nice you say your friend is, if you ask for still water you will get a bottle of water if you want free water you ask for tap water, educate her; not leaving a tip after 3 hours in a restaurant is shameful behaviour, l always leave a tip the normal amount is 10 or 12.5% unless service or food was awful or already included.

Jesus Christ the small worlds people live in, the egotistical bias, get over your shit, really no-one cares where their fucking water comes from

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 02/05/2025 11:10

whycantibeselfishforonce · 25/04/2025 21:48

I think your friend should have paid the £2 for the water. She drank some and it's £2 fgs. I absolutely hate bill quibbles literally does my head in.

Having said that, I think I would have waited for friend and her DD to come back from the loo and say to her ' Bill is here - right it's X each then - all OK with that?' She might have felt that you pulled a fast one as you sorted the bill when she wasn't there and paid your portion along with your cousin especially as you know she's a tight wad (if that is what you were implying?)

Same.
"Pedro can you kindly give us some more time? The others have just gone to use the facilities and we want to wait for them before we pay"

Chopsticks001 · 03/05/2025 01:24

My god this thread is still going.

If you thought this was boring then hop on over to the thread where the mum to one of the kids from S Club 8 (not to be confused with the more successful S Club 7) is answering your questions. See you there!

Pandimoanymum · 03/05/2025 02:18

I’m amazed that nobody has asked about the very mysterious “and other things” that were said in friends text to the OP! I feel that therein lies the crux of the matter, and if we all knew what these “other things” were, it would all make complete sense 🤣

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