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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Meal Drama over £2

291 replies

Nightlightonplease2025 · 25/04/2025 21:16

My cousin invited myself and two other women out for a 'taster meal session.' I accepted right away. Another declined and the other woman my good friend stated she would come along. Today was the day of the meal and my friend came with her 18 year old daughter. We all sat together in a group of 4. When asked by the waitress regarding still and sparkling water, my cousin stated still. The waitress came back and poured the water into all 4 glasses. At some point during the meal my cousin went to drink some water and she noticed a lipstick stain, it seems my friend had drank from her glass and her own by mistake, it didn't seem like much, it seemed like only a few sips from the glasses as the majority of water was still in the glasses. My cousin asked for a new glass and my friend started to drink out of her own personal water bottle and didn't drink again from the glasses. My friends daughter also drank the still water.

My cousin asked for more water and I drew her attention to the fact she said still at first and did she mean it, she stated no and said she had meant tap. The waitress came back with more water and started to pour it into the glasses, my friend stopped her stating she didn't drink tap water. We continued on with the meal and had a great meal, ordering drinks etc. I believe my cousin asked for the bill and then my friend and daughter said they needed to go to the bathroom. The bill came before they left to the bathroom. The waiter stood waiting and my cousin asked if he could come back later, we did also mention the two other guests were in the toilet as he thought they had left for some reason. I added my bill up and my cousin added her bill up and I asked about the water as I noticed she had attributed a quarter of it. She stated everyone drank from it. I said okay and added a quarter onto my bill. The waiter came back and asked if we were paying now, I think it had been around six minutes since he had been at our table. My cousin paid and then asked are you paying and the waiter came over to me and asked how much I was paying, so I told him my portion and paid.

My friend and her daughter came back and sat down. As she was looking at the bill I tried to explain it to her twice and she looked annoyed and said yes yes, I know. As a discount on the bill had not been clear, I had wanted to explain it. I couldn't even explain to her that the water had been split 4 ways. She called the waiter over to pay and I asked her how much she was paying and she stated £94 and I stated the balance was £96. She looked visibly upset and said why was she paying for the water and if she was it was suppose to be split 3 ways not 4. To tell you the truth I couldn't really understand this argument. So I said her daughter was 18 and should be included in any split. Anyways she paid but was not happy. About 5 minutes after she left I got a text saying she was annoyed and other things, and that annoyed me. My cousin said I will pay her the two pounds give me her account details, but I didn't as I thought that might upset her more, so I texted her saying my cousin would pay, could she pass on her details.

So who is being unreasonable? My cousin or friend? To be fair its such a stupid fight and over £2. It boggles the mind.

I think my cousin should have paid for the water, but we shouldn't have drank any if we weren't prepared to pay towards it, regardless, if the waitress poured us a glass or not.

Also my friend believes we were a bit rude to pay without her and my cousin feels she was a bit rude to go to the bathroom before settling her bill as the bill came before she left, and she wasn't bursting to use it, she was just going to have a try because she had a long journey afterwards. My cousin thinks she could have tried after the meal, as we could have all sat and discussed the bill then.

OP posts:
Ellinor · 26/04/2025 22:44

I can’t believe this thread is getting 10
pages of replies 😂and now I have added to it too.

BangersAndGnash · 26/04/2025 22:57

4 grown women quibbling and carrying on about bills and water not leaving a tip and one drinking from their own water bottle at the table. Ugh all round.

Your friend is a liability.

jazzybelle · 27/04/2025 01:01

Hoolihan · 25/04/2025 21:32

Should have been split four ways. Sounds like your friend and her daughter went to the toilet for ages at a very convenient moment- were they hoping you would cover their bill?

Edited

I agree with you. I have a friend who always needs to go to the toilet when we ask for the bill. She's renowned for it and she always takes ages in there.

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:08

MoominMai · 25/04/2025 22:13

Tbh if you really do a deep dive, it could be argued your cousin was right to have asked for a 4 way split because technically it was equally split but also wrong because no one asked for it to be doled out to them also but they’re hardly going to waste nice bottled water if they’re given it so she should have just sucked up the cost herself. And the friend was correct because it wasn’t ordered by her and it’s not her fault if the waiter misunderstood and gave her ‘free’ water but also wrong because she knows full well she did drink it though no matter how it got to her so to just suck up the minimal cost allocated to her. See this is where you’re reliant on both parties just being grown ups and letting it go! I’ve been on work dos where I don’t drink but everyone else does and they always want to share the cost between everyone meaning it always ends up costing me an average of a tenner more than I actually spent but you just suck it up! It’s hard OP I bet always having to be the sensible one!

Very hard.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:10

BangersAndGnash · 26/04/2025 22:57

4 grown women quibbling and carrying on about bills and water not leaving a tip and one drinking from their own water bottle at the table. Ugh all round.

Your friend is a liability.

Don't think she is a liability. But now looking at it, it seems a bit off to have your own water bottle at the table. Yeah I feel bad about the tip, the waiters and waitress were so good.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:14

latetothefisting · 26/04/2025 20:50

they didn't all pay £90plus, only toilet-hiding friend, because she was (resentfully) paying for her and her daughter while the others paid only for themselves.
OP and her cousin paid for theirs while friend and dd were in the loo, the £96 was what was left to pay.
£80 for their 2 meals
£16 for her 2 wines, her dd's coffee and their half of the £5 water.
OP did explain this in one of their subsequent posts.

Edited

She didn't resent paying for her meal or her daughter's. It was the water payment that was resented. I'm starting to understand everyone does meals different and I'm going to be clear going forward. Whether we split, pay for our own meals or even contribute to shared elements.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 27/04/2025 01:16

You all sound a bit silly. I think the 18 year olds mother should have paid for her meal.

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:17

mondaytosunday · 25/04/2025 23:25

Of course her dd is an adult. Bill should be split by four. Unless one if you ordered alcoholic drinks then those should be paid separately.
rReally cannot understand being this petty.

It is petty. And on reflection I'm really annoyed at both individuals. I also feel like maybe the question was misleading about water also, by asking still or sparkling. It took tap water out of the equation by it not being an option.

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 27/04/2025 01:18

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:14

She didn't resent paying for her meal or her daughter's. It was the water payment that was resented. I'm starting to understand everyone does meals different and I'm going to be clear going forward. Whether we split, pay for our own meals or even contribute to shared elements.

Well that makes even less sense

Why would she be happy for her daughter to be considered an adult for the purpose of the food she ate and be okay with paying for that, but as a child for the water she drunk so the rest of you should cover her?

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:22

twopintsofHPsauce · 25/04/2025 23:28

I have read the OP four times. Each time it makes even less sense (I think I got too hung up on the inclusion of the information that someone who was invited didn't go and as such couldn't have been involved, wasn't involved, and bore not relevance to the "drama". Also with the word "drama" in the title I could tell it was going to be full-on).

The only thing I can decifer is that someone is quibbling about £2 on a meal that cost almost £100 (which in itself is on another level altogether) so on that point alone I think the person refusing to pay it is being an arse, however, if the vibe I'm getting from that first post is anything to go by, I think they all deserve each other.

Wow think that's a bit harsh. I think sometimes the biggest fall outs can be over the silliest things and this seems like one of them. They're not short on cash, and would give me money if needed. So this is so weird. Friend has treated me to meals before as a treat. Has a kind heard and would give £2 easily to anyone she considered a friend.

OP posts:
Miaminmoo · 27/04/2025 01:24

If I’m following this correctly then it was your friend who doesn’t drink tap water? Therefore she must be used to paying for water at a restaurant? She sounds painful and I wouldn’t be going anywhere with her again. It should have been split equally and if she had issue with this she should have spoken up at the beginning.

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:25

BlossomMoon · 25/04/2025 23:29

What a performance 🙄
I bet the poor waiter was glad when you left.
I can just imagine his face stood their watching and listening to you all quibbling over £2
Then to add insult to injury, you never left a tip.

Yeah, it was really embarassing. He didn't know where to look. And was just holding his cash machine really uncomfortably. Yeah I know the tip thing is bad.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:29

latetothefisting · 25/04/2025 23:36

90% of what you've said is irrelevant

your friend and her dd drunk some of the water, so, yes, they should have paid half. For the sake of £2, even if she hadn't drunk any, I wouldn't have quibbled.
tbh it's embarrassing of her to have drunk from her own water bottle! If she didn't want to drink the table water then she should have ordered her your own drink, you can't go to a nice restaurant and keep taking swigs out of a water bottle hidden in your handbag, ffs!

I don't think it was rude of you to pay before she came back, as other than the quibble over water it seems like you just paid for what you had, so not as if you stiffed her with anything - but I also think your cousin is rude and weird for monitoring your friend's toilet habits, and to think the bill would need an extended amount of discussion.

basically out of the 4 of you the 18 year old dd seems the most normal, and the only one who doesn't seem to be completely overthinking what should be a very straightforward interaction, although no idea why she wanted to come out for food with her mums friend and a random cousin of mum's friend in the first place!

Edited

It was a really nice water bottle and it was placed on the table. It kind of looked like a Stanley bottle with lots of design and colours. It wasn't a plastic one. I was the one who was trying to explain the bill as I wanted to make clear the discount and how the cost for the water was split.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:35

WhyCantIGetItTogether · 26/04/2025 00:14

I really can’t be bothered with people who count things to the last penny. The people I know who do this are all better off financially than those of us who don’t. I’d rather be skint than be a skinflint.

Yeah, they're both financially better off than me. In the past they've wanted me to do things with them and I've been straight up and said I have no money and they've paid for me to accompany them. It's not like I'm broke but they go out a lot compared to me and I can't justify spending as much, plus their children are older than mine. I still have a child in primary school. So I can't really understand the £2 drama. However I will say friend would be more likely to just gift the money and cousin would be more likely to lend it and not place a timeline for payment.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:38

LittleBigHead · 26/04/2025 06:43

Your friend was extraordinarily mean & penny pinching. She shunned your cousin's hospitality and quibbled over water and TWO pounds! And expected that her 18 year old daughter would be treated by you and your cousin. And then followed up with a passive-aggressive text, complaining again.

If a friend of mine behaved like this, showing herself to be so mean & petty, I'd be distancing myself.

She is a very good friend and super supportive, I don't want her to be viewed badly as she is very nice. We mainly always call so the text is very weird. And the only thing that the text would do would be to start an argument. We don't argue, we discuss various views together.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:42

latetothefisting · 25/04/2025 23:57

if anything I think we need more detail
so many unanswered questions

what shade was the incriminating lipstick mark on water glass?
was the friend's attempted wee successful or not?
was friend going to drive her "long journey" despite having had 2 glasses of wine
what was the waiter's reaction when these muppets fucked off without leaving a penny tip despite all their faffing with the water and the bill...

how can anyone be expected to provide their definitive judgement with such scarce information?

The lipstick shade was pink. Don't know if wee was successful or not. I never thought about driving with alcohol. They weren't big amounts of wine. I don't drink wine so I don't really know the portion size. It was white wine, to give you a bit more detail. Well we all fucked off to be fair, I think they were super annoyed. It was 10 courses and we were there for almost 3 hours.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:45

amele · 26/04/2025 08:45

I’m all for pay for what you ate, but over £2 there’s no way I would be making that an issue! If I take my child out to dinner with friends, my child is my responsibility alone, I don’t expect friends to pay towards my child, it’s a given I will pay my portion and my child’s! Hers is a fully grown adult, at what point did she think it’s ok to split 3 ways meaning you all are paying for her adult daughter. She shouldn’t bring her daughter if she felt she can’t afford to pay for both of them.

It wasn't paying for the food that was the issue, my friend would always pay for her child, it was paying for the water. Having a day to think about it, I think she feels if you order a group item, such as water, you take responsibility to pay for it.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:49

LittleBigHead · 26/04/2025 06:45

Ugh, both of them are mean and penny-pinching.

I can't abide that sort of behaviour. If you can afford to pay £40 for a meal, you can afford a £4 tip.

To be fair I doubt they would leave a £4 tip each, probably £2 each max. I would have left a £5. I actually had £5 in my purse as I prefer to pay by card for my meal and tip with cash. However, thinking back now friend once left a £10 tip for her birthday, I had to reimburse her £5, so its actually £5, and it was because the waitress gave us a couple free drinks.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:50

latetothefisting · 27/04/2025 01:18

Well that makes even less sense

Why would she be happy for her daughter to be considered an adult for the purpose of the food she ate and be okay with paying for that, but as a child for the water she drunk so the rest of you should cover her?

Yeah, it would have been helpful if she gave an explanation about the water, but I know she always intended to pay for her daughters meal.

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:53

TheAutumnCrow · 26/04/2025 08:30

I think the £2 palaver is a proxy for ‘I don’t like your cousin’, but your friend’s not prepared to be honest about it.

I doubt your cousin much likes your friend either. Hence the Two Pound Water Wars.

I think your idea to see them separately is a good one, @Nightlightonplease2025 - although having said that your friend is cheeky to be acting weird about her adult daughter’s share of the bill.

I'm starting to think that without me, they would never socialise together. I think you've made a good point. I'm starting to think maybe some jealousy was at play also, because halfway through the course I swapped seats with the daughter.

OP posts:
JoBrandsCleaner · 27/04/2025 01:54

Bloody hell?! We went for a meal last week. There was me and my husband, my daughter and her friend, my friend and her son and her husband. My husband paid for the whole thing and barely mentioned it.

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:54

06230villefrancesurmer · 26/04/2025 19:02

👍 brilliant

😂

OP posts:
Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 01:59

I didn't speak to either of them today, with work and young kids, I couldn't face the drama. I have found a silver lining, the bookings weren't made in my name, it was made in both their names.

Annoyed that this is happening. But I think the longer we don't contact each other, the longer it will be to fix. I just don't want to be the one running around apologising.

OP posts:
elfendom · 27/04/2025 01:59

Yes I agree with @TheAutumnCrow they really just don't like each other. I would see them separately from now on and I do think, the friend did expect a half rate for her daughter. So I think she was really the problem here and the water was an excuse.

Nightlightonplease2025 · 27/04/2025 02:06

JoBrandsCleaner · 27/04/2025 01:54

Bloody hell?! We went for a meal last week. There was me and my husband, my daughter and her friend, my friend and her son and her husband. My husband paid for the whole thing and barely mentioned it.

That was nice of him. To be fair I'm not so nice. I would easily pay for myself, kids and my mum, but everyone else I would expect to pay their own way. I think too sometimes they see me spoiling my kids but saying I don't have it. Like my soon has a school trip for £500 and then I'm saying I don't have money for an activity.

OP posts:
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