To wish people wouldn't judge/grill people who don't drive

[Ceriane]

I don't drive. I avoid telling people unless I have to as I feel embarrassed and I have had people judge me, give me the wry smile "still not driving I see" and fire 20 questions at me about why, and I never know what to say to them as it takes too long to explain and I don't have a clear reason.

At 17 I couldn't wait to start driving and I had several lessons, but had to give up because of a family crisis, my dad was made redundant and I was only working part time as I was at college, so not earning much and the family needed my income, so I just couldn't afford it anymore. I moved away to go to University at 19 and again, it's expensive, it was a new area, and it was in a city, so people just got public transport everywhere. I always told myself that when I graduate and have a full time job, I will go back to driving again.

At 22/23 I was working full time and at 24 I finally got around to booking lessons again, and began driving, however I then had a debilitating physical illness that caused me a lot of problems that meant it really wasn't the right time to continue learning to drive, so I stopped for a few years while I dealt with health issues.

In my early 30's I went back to it and was doing really well, and thought, this is it I am finally going to be able to drive. My health could still be up and down, and then my instructor had to take a break from his job for a while, and I just never got around to picking the phone up and re-booking the lessons (when you leave it for a while, it just becomes something on the to do list that you don't get around to).

I then got a job in the city, and living and working in the city, people just get public transport so it seemed pointless to learn to drive. In my late thirties we went into lockdown, and after that I was hearing a lot about how they were trying to cut down the amount of cars on the roads, due to the environment etc, and at work, they seemed to be promoting this message really strongly so I didn't bother.

I turned 40 and I was dealing with debilitating anxiety and panic attacks so again, really not in the right head space to learn to drive.

At 41 I still have health issues that are complicated and difficult to explain to people, and I just think, why now? I've gone my whole life not driving? Every time I tell myself I should learn to drive I think health wise I never know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next and that would affect driving, and it feels wrong as it's just like a "why now?" kind of feeling. I work from home, I take public transport when needed, I never ask for lifts (there is maybe the odd occasion).

I have had a few comments as though people assume I'm lazy or must be thick or whatever and it really gets me down. One person used to ask me "well how do you get to work?" in a judge mental sounding way....I have always got to work using public transport, it's never been a problem, plus it's quicker to get the train than it is to sit in traffic (and I work from home now anyway). He made a comment that he assumed a family member must have to take me (how embarrassing) and then one job I had a few years ago, my sister did occasionally drop me off as my house was on the way and my job was right on the way to her job, if she hadn't have offered to do this (I don't expect it) I would have happily got the bus, and when he knew this he said "bloomin eck" as though he thought I couldn't get to work without having a lift, but that wasn't the case. He seems to think I must be having to have lifts all the while.

I do get embarrassed in recent years if I'm waiting for a bus, not the train so much, that seems more acceptable....I don't know. Should people be judged if they don't drive for whatever reason?

Exactly. For some "the sensible" option is learning to drive. For others it's choosing to live somewhere with good public transport.

There's no one size fits all. Plus I actually love where I live!

YANBU. Driving is generally environmentally unfriendly compared to public transport, often more expensive by the time you include lessons, insurance, initial car purchase costs, car maintenance, petrol, parking etc and not regularly needed if you live in a major town or city.

You would only be unreasonable for your own ease of life if you lived rurally (as public transport can be so irregular in small towns or villages that cars are necessary for most) or are asking other people for lifts for some reason rather than taking an uber/taxi when needed.

100% I've lived in towns and smaller cities and never felt I could rely on the buses and trains for my needs, compared to driving. I do get a bit annoyed that the average Joe is made to feel bad for driving (climate change) when so many places dont seem to have adequate public transport.

Same. I’m in Oxfordshire and the town isn’t rundown and has great commuter links. There are many walking paths and you see people often walking, cycling, and some in wheelchairs and mobility scooters getting around.

I think what is often overlooked is that anyone could find themselves not being able to drive whether that is due to age, disability, finances, injury, illness, etc and I rather be somewhere where a car is an option and know that if my DH, I, or both of us became that way, we could/would still manage without a car.

Greenfields asked me what it is I don't like about cars. Well, first pollution, Even electric cars have an effect on the environment, the Lithium used in batteries is mined by children in very poor living conditions. Secondly, I like to walk on a pavement, not have to walk around a car on the road, especially if I need my sticks. When my son was little, I had to manouvre the buggy around large cars blocking the pavement. I pulled the buggy behind me so that if anyone was hit it would be me and pretended it was a game so he wouldn't be frightened. I don't like traffic jams, arguments in Supermarket parking bays, people refusing to stop at a pedestrian crossing or shouting at me because I am walking too slowly, drivers shouting at me to get off the road when I am crossing when there is no pedestrian crossing, drivers backing their car into me because they didn't look in their mirrors, drivers revving their engines because I (can only)walk slowly. Tooting horns, revving engines, road rage, fisticuffs at petrol stations.....What is there to like?

I've tried for years to learn, spent so much money and time but just can't seem to get it for some reason! when i have enough money i will try again but at 42 it seems like it just isn't happening for me. I don't think people judge me although we live in an area where driving is the only reliable way to get anywhere.

Pollution fair enough but the rest of what you say relates to the humans driving the cars.

And also relates to other forms of road transport, such as buses, lorries, taxis, van drivers, etc., where idiotic drivers are still problematic!

Yep. Sometimes I get annoyed at a cyclist's antics but wouldnt say I hate bicycles.