Friend has invited herself on holiday with me. WWYD?

[OrtsandNoughts]

I am going on holiday on my own in August. This is a very precious time for me as I am a full time unpaid carer for my son, who has complex needs and my father who has dementia. Day to day life is completely devoted to their needs 24/7. I have no time to myself. I have managed to arrange respite for them both and have booked 5 days in Portugal. This will be my first solo holiday for a long time and I’m so excited!
I know Portugal well,I lived there for 10 years and have taken my son and father on holiday there for many years. Except with them it’s not a holiday for me, as the caring responsibilities continue wherever we are.
But this August, I will be on my own. Free, unburdened, with no one to worry about. I am so looking forward to it!
I have a good friend who is also a carer for her daughter who has complex needs. She is married and has lots of family support (I have none) She goes on holiday often as a family or just her and her husband as she has family to look after her daughter. My friend knows my situation and understands the pressures of caring as we talk about it often. She also knows I am going on holiday on my own and that I enjoy travelling solo.
My friend has now invited herself and her daughter along. She offered to drive me to the airport and then said they might as well come on holiday with me too! She is asked about where I’m staying, and when I said it was an expensive hotel (to put her off) she said she’d find something cheaper nearby and then sent me a photo of somewhere she’s going to book!
AIBU to not want to go on holiday with her and her daughter? AIBU to not want to be responsible for someone else on my precious holiday? How do I tell her I don’t want them to tag along without ruining the friendship? WWYD?

It was all resolved amicably yesterday!

Well done OP! But fuck me the ghoul of gatecrashing someone's elses precious respite as a practical run for your own proper holiday

Tell her asap in the hope that she hasn't booked it yet. Don't make excuses, be honest. If you don't, you might even end up babysitting her daughter while she goes off alone

Gently explain that being a sole carer, you desperately need some quiet head space on your own on, and this break is a very rare occurrence for you. You really value her friendship but you must have some 'me' time. If she's a true friend she'll understand.

I was in the same boat until a few months ago and I used to dream of being alone and have some peace, as much as I loved the person I cared for. Good luck.

You owe her no explanation.
Just say no. I’m going alone this time, and be done with it.
No apologies, no excuses, no explanations.
If she insists, simply say that if you don’t get some alone time you’ll start SCREAMING and won’t be able to stop.
That ought to do it.
If she’s truly your friend, she’ll understand immediately.

Well done OP. Now enjoy getting ready for your lovely holiday

Not everyone can react to such a shock immediately.

100% This & you could say you'd love to go on holiday with them another time, but this one's a well needed solo break just for you !

Well done OP

How refreshing to see a poster who has actually RTFT!

You have to be honest with her- tell her you need the time alone.
You certainly don't want her to tag along if she is bringing her daughter with her- the whole point is to get away from that.
Tell her you do not need a lift it is only 5 days and you need them alone.
TBH I would question how good a friendship this is- she knows your situation and can surely work out that strong arming you into a joint holiday is going to be unwelcome., if you let her ruin this for you the friendship is finished anyway.
What on earth is she thinking of- definitely resist, do it now before she books anything.

INVITE ME

INVITE ME

If you agree to this next thing she will be asking you to care for her daughter while on the holiday. It has to be a firm no. You are going alone, she knows you enjoy solo holidays so why would she even try joining you.

Please do read the OPs latest update.

My apologies, didn't see the update, glad it's all worked out.

Surely she's winding you up?

Don't worry, there are scores of others! And they will keep rolling in.

I’m on my mobile, I just click ‘See all’ under OP’s posts, that way I can see just OP’s posts, and don’t have to read 11 pages. Seriously like it's not hard!

I really hope you get the holiday you deserve. You come across as a lovely lady caring for everyone but yourself. Who cares for the carer? No one, you are practically alone, so you have this chance to do what you want, when you want, without any constraints, on you and your time. You should tell your friend, she is quite welcome to go to Portugal, but to do her own thing with her daughter. I imagine you have waited far too long to get this opportunity, and you need to go without thinking of others for a change.
I hope you enjoy every minute and relax, wake up, when you want to wake up, and just to do what you want to do, when you want to do it.....Have a fabulous time, put yourself first, for once....

"I'm really sorry but I'm going on this holiday because I want to be completely alone. I appreciate your offer to drive me to the airport but otherwise I just want time to be on my own without anyone else around."

I have friends who would be very confused by a desire to get away by yourself. I love DH dearly and like going to places with him. But I also get that both of us need a night away from each other occasionally just to have time alone. We've both done hotel stays without the other because sometimes you need that freedom.

Your very rude!! People can forget to look at the updates you know.

Yes, and they can also forget it is completely unnecessary to quote the OP's first post.

OP sorry you're going through this. She'll have you helping to care for her DD no doubt.

Please say no firmly?

This