I’ve become ugly and it’s affecting my life

[Olddd]

I’m 39 and have one toddler. In the last two years I’ve become really unattractive. I was never the most beautiful woman in the room but I was attractive enough to find it easy to date, I had nice skin and my make up would work well and my hair would look shiny.

I am now… old. My face is haggard. My skin looks dull. Make up often makes it all worse not better!

My hair never shines like it used to. It’s dull, thin, brittle. Even though I’ve done nothing differently to how I used to style it and I rarely use heat.

My mouth is a mess. My teeth used to be exactly straight and very white, now they look smaller! That’s the only way I can describe it. My whole mouth area seems small and the skin around it sagging.

I know looks aren’t everything but I honestly feel like I will never look or feel attractive again. I feel a million mile away from being a good looking woman.

I’ve had all blood tests done and there’s nothing in them to suggest there’s a medical reason for this. Am I just going to get uglier as I age and what can I do?! I used to feel strongly about not having cosmetic surgery but I feel really low whenever I catch myself in the mirror.

So your view is all old people are ugly?

I knew I would be pounced on for that. Its early. Perhaps I didnt frame that well.
I am 53. I have done nothing to my face. I prefer a certain amount of self acceptace rather than trying to turn back time.

Oh, I feel you.
I saw a photo of myself from two years ago I actually did a double take, I looked so young and fresh, the last two years everything has just sagged.
I am seriously considering Botox as a starting point, I’ve spent a fortune on creams to not see much improvement, especially my newly formed turkey neck!
I’ve tried collagen powders too but only improvement seems to be my joints are less clicky.
I think short term book yourself in for a nice facial, a new hair cut and colour, buy some new clothes that really suit you, it won’t be transformative but will hopefully give you a boost. 💐

OP you are not Ugly you are aging and changing, I recently have had to change my make up style as my old style was to 'young' - it's been bloody trial and error.

I use a a deep hair mask every Sunday and some leave in conditioner during the week. Took a while my hair is now, less brittle- not as shiny though.

You may just need to accept your style needs to change so you feel more comfortable.
Good luck OP

I'm sure you look better than you think you do, but your skin, teeth and hair should be things you can improve - have you tried consulting professionals? Skin and hair will change as you age so it may be that your old routines aren't suitable any more.

Re. your teeth - could your gums have receded? I would suggest seeing a dentist.

If you knew that you'd be 'pounced on', presumably because you knew it would hurt or offend people, then why say it?

I think as you get older your character shines out of your face.
There are many beautiful older women whose kindness and dignity illuminates their face.

@Asalmonswimmingupstream oh I forgot to mention my turkey neck!!!! Yes that’s appeared here too. I spent lots on Elemis which made a tiny bit of difference to looking fresher but overall still look awful.

It’s possible your face has changed. It’s also possible you are feeling low and directing it onto your appearance.

I used to panic and feel I looked criminal, like a mug shot, and work hard on eye makeup to get myself decent to go out. Not vanity, just thought I looked scary!
It was my mind, not my face!

Or the make up look that suited you before needs a tweak. It happens.

Gosh yes, I look at photos before I had children and the difference is shocking.

However from speaking to colleagues at work who all look great for their age I have discovered their secret - they all have botox!

Water
Water and lemon
Sleep.
Sleep hygiene (devices out the bedroom)
Gentle exercise. Qi Gong when you get up, helps posture and mood.

Up the fruits and veggies
Ditch anything processed.

Vit D
Fish Oil
Magnesium to help sleep.

All gives a good place to start.

Yep growing babies sucks the good stuff out!
But you could look at it that you have this amazing body, that grew another human being.

Smiling takes years off a face and it’s free and most people can do it.

Do you need to be attractive in the same way anymore?

Soend what you can on treatments if you want to halt or turn back time, or if you would rather embrace the new stage of being a mum to a full of fun toddler.

Your toddler thinks you are the most beautiful person on the planet, does anyone else really matter right now?

You need to stop talking/thinking about yourself using terms like ugly. You had a kid, yes they steal your life force and age you, and obviously getting older ages you too. You were never going to look the same way forever, but you sound like you have lost a lot is self-esteem and are seeing flaws where there aren’t any. If I were you I’d focus on valuing yourself for other things than your looks and making peace with your own face - it’s the only one you’ll ever have, and in 10, 20 etc years you’ll look back and think ‘what was I on about?’.

Ageing never bothered me until recently when I lost 5 stone at 63. My neck now looks like a 90 year olds scrotum. I'm off to Turkey at the end of the year for a full plane facelift. I'm not living with that neck!!!!
I remember looking awful after I gave birth OP, I think it's the hormones or something then it all improved a few years later.
Whatever happens you can change it just make sure you do your research thoroughly.

You’re 39 with a toddler, you are not old, but when was the last time you took care of yourself? Focus on feeling good on the inside, how is your diet and gut health, do you get out for a walk every day?

I’m mid 50s and my kids are gone, I look back at pictures from when they were younger and honestly mostly I look haggard and exhausted, sure I look younger but I do think I look better and definitely healthier now.

Thread lifts work a treat in the early stages and are minimally invasive.

I read somewhere that having children in your late 30s accelerates aging (I am literally in the same boat as you regarding everything you said in your post). Having had a baby at 39 I feel I have aged rapidly. I haven’t recovered from the pregnancy or birth at all. It’s so normal not to feel your best after having a baby. It takes a while.

I do also think seeing everyone filtered skews our brains idea of what is normal. Remember they don’t even look like that photo that’s been filtered and worked on.

Botox and filler can make a difference if you fancy that. But please don’t be hard on yourself. What we see as imperfections other people look upon as beauty. I bet you’re absolutely lovely and I can guarantee your little one thinks you’re the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen.

♥️

When I look back at photos of me when my children were small I look so haggard. I was shattered. Incredibly sleep deprived. No time for self care. No sleep. Even my skin looks a different colour. I swear breastfeeding literally sucked the life out of me.

10 years later and I’ve made big lifestyle changes. More sleep as the kids have become more independent. Better diet. No alcohol. More exercise. More money for self care products. Different clothes. I used to live in leggings and massive jumpers. Honestly, I look so much better now I’m 10 years older.

Why are there so many threads about "ugly people" today?

I’m concerned that this is all in your head. Yes, small kids are draining, but your teeth haven’t become smaller in two years. It’s impossible. Are you feeling generally down? You are still young. Tired maybe, but young.

How nasty and insensitive 😒

Start taking some hair skin and nails vitamins and a vitamin d. Sunscreen.

I don’t know your budget but sauna/steam/cold plunge /facegym will help with skin and blood flow

start doing some light exercise, preferably outside for a walk daily

but think less of it as being ugly and more likely that you are tired busy and postpartum. The best cure is time for yourself and self care

Similar age, with 2 kids, and yes, I look dreadful. Ironically this has allowed me to at last see how pretty I was in my youth (never felt good enough at the time).
My husband assures me I'm still beautiful, so as long as those rose glasses stay in place I won't worry too much, but I do feel embarrassed sometimes when dealing with the (very image conscious) world in general.

As well as receding, teeth apparently start to move forwards as we age which changes the face shape. That could be what you are meaning. This can actually have jaw alignment and postural issues etc so I think this is something you could look into. They have very unobtrusive orthodontic appliances these days and that might be something with both cosmetic and postural benefit. Skin … not much you can do beyond waste money on miracle cures but hair can be revivified with deep conditioning and maybe a new cut? It’s good you don’t use heat.,