I’ve become ugly and it’s affecting my life

[Olddd]

I’m 39 and have one toddler. In the last two years I’ve become really unattractive. I was never the most beautiful woman in the room but I was attractive enough to find it easy to date, I had nice skin and my make up would work well and my hair would look shiny.

I am now… old. My face is haggard. My skin looks dull. Make up often makes it all worse not better!

My hair never shines like it used to. It’s dull, thin, brittle. Even though I’ve done nothing differently to how I used to style it and I rarely use heat.

My mouth is a mess. My teeth used to be exactly straight and very white, now they look smaller! That’s the only way I can describe it. My whole mouth area seems small and the skin around it sagging.

I know looks aren’t everything but I honestly feel like I will never look or feel attractive again. I feel a million mile away from being a good looking woman.

I’ve had all blood tests done and there’s nothing in them to suggest there’s a medical reason for this. Am I just going to get uglier as I age and what can I do?! I used to feel strongly about not having cosmetic surgery but I feel really low whenever I catch myself in the mirror.

Are you able to run? If so, take up running. It makes the blood rush and your skin and eyes will sparkle more.
Even though your blood tests have come back in range, you may well still be deficient. I looked like crud when my iron was low. Try floradix.
Drink buckets of water.
Do some yoga.
Other than that, much of this is in the eye if the beholder. Read some inspiring materials until you feel beautiful on the inside at least.
There's a wonderful documentary on Netflix called 'happy' from 2012. Worth a watch when you want to remind yourself of what matters most.

This. I was 39 when my son was born. He’s ruined me. I can’t for love or money shift my weight. I have a pair of jeans that used to be too big for me. Can’t even get them over my hips now. I used to look a lot younger than my age. Can’t say that now! Guess it’s nice not being IDed for wine now 🤣

Thread lifts are terrible, cause scar tissue, don't always dissolve and can compromise further cosmetic/plastic surgery.

I put this reply on a similar thread, but it applies here too.

So sorry, OP, and huge hugs 🫂 I'm sure you are beautiful, both inside and out.
Time and tide wait for no (wo)man unfortunately, so we have just got to gleefully accept haggard bodies, as a PP said.

My body's let me down hugely over the years. A decade ago, I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety. It made me very unwell and gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia, which is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined 😳

Good grief, some of the involuntary movements of my movement disorder are absolutely horrid anf truly do make me look ugly. I've got involuntary movements of my face, tongue,and mouth sometimes which involves my mouth opening wide and my tongue moving on its own in my mouth. It's very bizarre and rather hideous, and I feel awful and self conscious when it happens.

I'd literally give anything to have good health again 😔 Even though I'm fairly attractive still, I was pretty gorgeous when younger, yet I'd literally rather be unattractive than have my movement disorder. Be kind to yourself, OP. We've got to love ourselves, warts, wrinkles snd weird involuntary movements altogether. I'm sure you're very lovely ♥️

Did you watch the Friends reunion, OP? I remember watching it and feeling sad about what most of them had done to their faces in an attempt to turn back the tide of ageing. But none of them were fooling anyone, they didn't look like the 25 year olds in the old clips, not even close. I remember thinking that the actress who played Phoebe, the only one out of the three women who had visible wrinkles, was now the most beautiful. Yes, she has very clearly aged but she looked lovely.

It made me think twice about starting down the road of Botox and fillers. I'm absolutely not judging people who have this done btw, I just worry that for me personally it could become a slippery slope to having more invasive stuff. Because even when I was 20 and people used to say I was beautiful, I didn't really feel it. I still looked in the mirror and focused in on my flaws, things I wanted to change. So if I get a bit of botox and some filler I might feel better about myself but for how long? I might stop worrying about wrinkles but start worrying about some other perceived 'flaw' instead so feel I need to get that 'fixed' and so on, and so on. I'm never going to be someone who doesn't care how they look, and I'm fine with that, but I do want to work on accepting the fact that getting older is a privilege and does not diminish my worth just because the media and the beauty industry make me feel like it does sometimes.

If you have a little money you should invest a bit in yourself. Some people think it’s selfish but if you feel better and are more confident you will have better outcomes. Teeth whitening was a game changer for me personally. Got it done as a quitting smoking treat when I was 21 and people couldn’t put their finger on it but I got loads of compliments. Also getting my eyebrows done professionally was a good one and also quite cheap. Once you’ve had it done a few times you can keep the shape yourself. I also dye mine at home which makes me feel much more confident no make up - but this is an acquired skill and the first time I did fuck it up.

It's not a question of looking ugly.

The reality is that a lot of women look more tired when they have toddlers also depending on their age and lifestyle.
And hair not always as naturally healthy looking around that stage depending on the mother's age. Which can easily be helped with more intensive hair care but some mothers simply don't have the time or energy to deal with this.
It depends on the baseline, some may not look as tired as others but, perhaps, they look more tired than what they looked like 2 years before.
My observation is based on women I personally know where I noticed the difference. I can't say I've seen random monthers of toddlers and noticed they look tired.
It's the comparison between before and after when it's noticeable on some women. It doesn't in the least make them look ugly. But honestly they all got back yo their usual looks reasonably quickly as child care became less demanding. It's just a stage.

Women go through major body changes around their 40th birthday.

I was most attractive at around 30.

It has been very weird to me the change in how I have been treated. I’m basically invisible now. Which is not so bad as I hate when people look at me. I was basically a recluse in my early 20’s because of this.

Now I look in the mirror and go “eww” 😱

I dont think having children makes you look old. I think having a toddler makes you feel old, and gives you less time to concentrate on yourself because you are exhausted all the time from trying to prevent your little darling from baking the cat in a pie. (true story). Doesnt exactly get less stressful as they get older, the stresses are just different, but definitely gets less sleep deprived and less physically demanding meaning you have more time for yourself.

I could have written this. Since my dd was born 2 years ago i have become really haggard and awful looking and aged dramatically.

Just to add, my changes happened when I was 34+. Most noticeable late 30s. My children were definitely not toddlers then. I don’t think it’s the toddler thing really, just the fact your age is when these things happen naturally and happen to coincide with having your baby. I popped back into shape after having both children (pre 30) but I struggle to shift weight now. What used to fall off if I ate an apple and ate slightly less chocolate now requires a 3 week fast and spinning in a tinfoil blanket twice a day (slight exaggeration but who knows, because the weight just doesn’t shift the way it used to…maybe I should try the fasting/tinfoil/spinning….). I’ve just learned to care less, it is what it is. My horse is dead, I’ve given up flogging it.

Instead I just focus on good hydration, decent (but not obsessive) skincare and lots of fresh meals with fruit and veg in plentiful supply. I look far better - but I’ve accepted I’ll never look like the old me (who will forever in my head be the real me).

Retinol - works wonders for the skin and signs of ageing

Maybe try a multivitamin to help your hair etc? Colour wow raise the root is great for some volume.

You aren't ugly OP you're just feeling low about yourself

I think it’s just having a toddler. Are you breastfeeding too? I look back at those years in pics and I look older than I do now 5+ years later. Profhilo and Botox are game changers, teeth whitening strips and maybe look into a keratin treatment at the hairdressers.