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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think why are there so many unattractive, dysfunctional men ?

301 replies

ursulone · 25/04/2025 00:19

Firstly I am not perfect and certainly don't expect anyone else to be. I am well aware there are women who fall into all the categories I am about to mention. I am in middle age and happily single (divorced). When I did briefly date, I met a variety of men, most of whom certainly had issues. I recently attended a housewarming party in a city around 2 hours from where I live. Women were all personable, made a big effort with appearance, sociable, variety of interests, Most of the men, certainly the straight seeming ones, were badly dressed, no effort, bad skin, some BO/bad breath, talked only about themselves, didn't seem interested in anything much. One or two seemed to have quite challenging financial circumstances, not sure why. Thing is, if being a single man is quite as bleak an experience as one male friend said it was (mainly according to him, as men are too competitive with one another to be as supportive friends as women are to each other, and men in relationships don't hand around with single men) why don't they make an effort? Obviously its not like it is compulsory to be be the best version of yourself but some of there guys come across like they've just given up.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Berrytea · 25/04/2025 00:21

All the good ones are taken
you’ll need to make degrading compromises now if you want a relationship

katkintreats · 25/04/2025 00:23

Berrytea · 25/04/2025 00:21

All the good ones are taken
you’ll need to make degrading compromises now if you want a relationship

Here’s to staying single!

ilovesooty · 25/04/2025 00:24

Today's hot topic, it seems.

I'm sure there are plenty of unattractive and unappealing women around as well.

SmegmaCausesBV · 25/04/2025 00:26

I think most of them 30+ have not been told about health, teeth or skin care. Many seem to get to 30 and loose all 3 quite suddenly and do "upside down head" which means growing a beard of varying cleanliness as if to assert that the baldness isn't everyware (erm, yay?!) and they are still MANLY MEN.
The lack of reading or character development past music and sport is really the nail in the coffin.

Maitri108 · 25/04/2025 00:31

Sounds like quite a bizarre experience. Gorgeous, fascinating and successful women wafting around and loser men with comb overs and no social skills.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 25/04/2025 00:32

wow…two ugly men threads at the same time.

Original poster
ursulone · 25/04/2025 00:51

Maitri108 · 25/04/2025 00:31

Sounds like quite a bizarre experience. Gorgeous, fascinating and successful women wafting around and loser men with comb overs and no social skills.

It wasn't exactly like this, but not too far off either. Some gay couples, yes a few fairly average women (me included) it was more the lack of effort than anything else that I sensed And this air of dysfunctionality. Interrupting, poor posture, not knowing what to say, it was weird,

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 25/04/2025 01:05

I'm in a an active social group with another 19 women - all similar ages. Most are single. Most are not looking for a relationship.
80% of them are knock outs. Lord knows what they looked like when they were younger but honestly funny, clever, attractive and successful careers.

I find it quite bemusing tbh. We rarely see groups of men out and about, so probably a good job we want to be single 🤣🤣🤣

dontcryformeargentina · 25/04/2025 01:26

I have noticed that as well in single men 50+. Bad teeth , BO and badly dressed. What I find surprising that even if they are financially okay and could definitely afford a trip to dentist , new jumper - they are not making an effort. Is it lack of self awareness ? No idea..

Nsky62 · 25/04/2025 01:34

ilovesooty · 25/04/2025 00:24

Today's hot topic, it seems.

I'm sure there are plenty of unattractive and unappealing women around as well.

I’m sure, less men tho!

Maitri108 · 25/04/2025 01:44

ursulone · 25/04/2025 00:51

It wasn't exactly like this, but not too far off either. Some gay couples, yes a few fairly average women (me included) it was more the lack of effort than anything else that I sensed And this air of dysfunctionality. Interrupting, poor posture, not knowing what to say, it was weird,

Show quote history

They're not always as they seem.

To think why are there so many unattractive, dysfunctional men ?
TheHerboriste · 25/04/2025 01:45

Who’s raising them??

Parents need to take a good hard look in the mirror.

Dellspoem · 25/04/2025 03:32

oh god that sounds bleak, how old are these men?

anon12345anon · 25/04/2025 03:35

Berrytea · 25/04/2025 00:21

All the good ones are taken
you’ll need to make degrading compromises now if you want a relationship

I think this is sad, but true Sad

Inthetyreshop · 25/04/2025 03:36

Because desperate insecure women will still date these men and pay for their dinner. Society is so messed up!

dottiedodah · 25/04/2025 05:18

I think men still feel that they don't need to make much effort. That they will get a woman and she will be lucky to get them! Over 50 they often don't make the same effort as women do.nice clothes ,hair appointments ,and so on are a treat for us .My Dh is scruffy too sometimes. Does scrub up well though ,and showers every day .

THisbackwithavengeance · 25/04/2025 05:24

You can see why so many attractive middle aged women are now having relationships with other women after divorcing their DH’s. Seeing it loads around here.

IME men are not interested in anything but themselves and their own gratification. They don’t really like women and they don’t make an effort because they don’t feel that women are worth it.

My best friend attends a singles meet up group in out town and it is truly dire with loads of really attractive and glamorous women all competing for the attentions of mediocre at best but mainly quality men. Sad.

BlondiePortz · 25/04/2025 05:57

There is lots of neurotic hysterical rude obnoxious unhinged and dysfunctional men and women and any other label you want to use

unsync · 25/04/2025 08:01

I've always assumed that Mummy looked after them and told them what to do and how winderful they were, then their wife did. When the wife got fed up with being their mother, they divorced. Now they have no idea how to look after themselves as they've never done it by themselves, but they still think they are wonderful as the women in their life always told them this, so it must be true. It explains a lot and also some of the ones who are also in perilous financial states.

Badbadbunny · 25/04/2025 08:14

Ironically my husband says the same and struggles to find people/interests to socialise with, so usually doesn’t bother!

He’s a number of “man” hobbies such as model railways, radio controlled cars/boats/planes, which he now does as solo pursuits as he couldn’t cope with the other club/society members, mostly/wholly male with the BO, selfishness, boring ways, obsessions, etc. He joined the village “men’s” group but it was the same - a room full of grumpy middle aged/old men.

He just doesn’t get on with other men at all and far prefers to do things with women/mixed groups. He has said a few times that he wonders if the “quality” of middle aged men is why so many women seem to prefer other women these days!

But as others have said, the “good” ones are all taken. The ones that are out and about looking for women or other activities are the ”throwbacks”.

Pussycat22 · 25/04/2025 08:20

Inthetyreshop · 25/04/2025 03:36

Because desperate insecure women will still date these men and pay for their dinner. Society is so messed up!

Blow that for a game!!!😊

Pussycat22 · 25/04/2025 08:21

unsync · 25/04/2025 08:01

I've always assumed that Mummy looked after them and told them what to do and how winderful they were, then their wife did. When the wife got fed up with being their mother, they divorced. Now they have no idea how to look after themselves as they've never done it by themselves, but they still think they are wonderful as the women in their life always told them this, so it must be true. It explains a lot and also some of the ones who are also in perilous financial states.

Bullseye 🎯 🎯 🎯!!!

Pussycat22 · 25/04/2025 08:22

unsync · 25/04/2025 08:01

I've always assumed that Mummy looked after them and told them what to do and how winderful they were, then their wife did. When the wife got fed up with being their mother, they divorced. Now they have no idea how to look after themselves as they've never done it by themselves, but they still think they are wonderful as the women in their life always told them this, so it must be true. It explains a lot and also some of the ones who are also in perilous financial states.

And then they become surgeons!!!

Frowningprovidence · 25/04/2025 08:22

I don't know about bad breath and BO other than not having someine to point it out,.

But trying to be sympathetic...

When I hit about 43ish (and my friendship group are a similar age) all the men seemed to collectively hit a really low depressed patch. Nearly all friend's husbands and mine became miserable and lacked any motivation for life over a few year period and they all ended up on anti depressants, basically as thier wives made appointment for them.

BigFatLiar · 25/04/2025 08:23

We have a number of single males in our friendship group (sadly not as many as there were). Most had bad experiences dating at uni and after so gave it up as a bad job. They do the same sort of things as single women, holidays, cinema, theatre, gigs etc.

Last year a couple of them went motorhoming on the West Coast of USA. This year I think they intend to hire motorbikes and do New Zealand. Perhaps they're unusual in that unlike women they have no interest in dating other men.