Realised I'm old and ugly

[Ilovemeggy38]

I have just seen some
photos of me taken on a night out, I had taken lots of care to look my best.
I'm 55 thought I looked okay, was actually quite happy as I have lost weight, got on hrt, starting taking vitamins and collagen.
But, those pictures 😞
I have the dreaded marrionette lines, I look miserable! And I'm not!
My hair looks thin and straggly, I have shoulder length hair and my Gosh the picture just shows my scalp at the front and so, so thin😞
I have strange fat deposits over my eyes which makes my eyes look small.
My neck has weird fat deposits which make it look strange.
I have tried to say it's just a bad picture but looking back over recent photos I can see I have aged badly.
I have just sat down with the picture and cried.
I feel so ugly, so removed from what I actually thought I looked like.
I'm really upset as my looks, my appearance is important to me for my own self worth.
I just look about ten years older, not even that, I look unhealthy in the pictures, really not what I see in the mirror.
My OH took the pictures on his iPhone, it is definitely high Res so every line, fault, has shown up but that's me in real life I suppose.

I'm actually shocked at how many of you seem to think how bad you are yet you are so young compared to me.

It's all relative though, isn't it? You look at pictures of yourself at twenty, and even if you're only a spring chicken of thirty five you can already see the changes in your face and body. I'm mid sixties and hope the speed of change is going to slow down a bit before my nose reaches my navel.

WTF? What a bastard! Next time I'm in Central I'll need to look.

I have always hated photos of myself but I have a different perspective on this now that I am older.

A very wise friend once said to me that she didn't care how she looked in photographs because people who truly love her don't care, as they love her! And also that everyone ages and everyone's looks change. That very dear friend died a couple of years ago aged 50 years young and her family are now so grateful to have all those photos.

And... I am fortunate to have been handed down though my family quite a few very old photographs of my ancestors. Ordinary, working people. Worked on the land so no glamour, no make up, no hair cuts but I am very thankful that these people took the time to pose for an image of themselves so that their family, hundred of years later can wonder at the opportunity to see what their ancestors looked like. And they are beautiful because they are real.

How can I write this without sounding horrible but a lot of this is just ego (I include my own feelings here about photos of myself!). And it isn't what really matters in the great scheme of things. This is my new perspective.

😂😂

I'm sorry... but that Glaswegian sense of humour... like nowhere else...

I hope you weren't genuinely upset by it. 😄🤗

When I was young and relatively comely, I had to have publicity shots taken for something... I'd had my hair done, professional make up, the photographer rubbed his hands when I went in, 'We're going to make some great pictures!'

...By the end of the afternoon, he was a broken man... 'I don't understand it?! What is happening between you and the camera?!' Every single one, like a gargoyle from the windy side of the church...

Just my face, always has been. 🤷‍♀️

I am a fair bit younger than most on this thread, have never been a great beauty but didnt think i was hideous but did feel very wistful about not being a 'pretty girl', and have been struggling recently after finally getting my teeth sorted and feeling wonderful about them, confident for the first time ever, until one day I realised that I didn't just have lopsided teeth before, one whole side of my face is pulled down, from eyebrow to mouth to chin. I was horrified (and surprised I had never realised)
I'm in my thirties and it just felt like such a blow, after feeling so so so good I'd finally got my teeth sorted. I always knew one side looked better in photos than the other, but now I knew what I was looking for it made it so much worse. I was feeling so rubbish, and was looking into fillers and face-lift for further down the line.
Then a couple of months ago I went to a friends wedding, ended up seeing a video of me and my friend dancing. I look so happy, and alive, and beautiful. I didn't notice my dodgy hairline or my 'big arms' or my lopsided face. I am full of joy and humour and love, and now when I have a wobble I look at that video to remind myself what a gift it is, to have a life where I can dance at weddings with people I love and forget all the big and small stuff.
I may still get that lift, in a few years. We are all battling with so much, that might seem so silly to some. But I am grateful to lead a life that can be so lovely that sometimes it can thoroughly boot all of the negatives thoughts out of my head. ....And for eyeliner and fake tan and tinted lip balm. (Thank you for coming to my TED tak???)

It traumatised me (not really)😂

I'm 62 now and sometimes I catch sight of a wrinkled woman in a shop window reflection and realise it's me!

My much-loved Nana hated having her photo taken because she was "old" but whilst she also had wrinkles, she had the most beautiful warm and friendly face with lovely blue eyes. That's how I remember her.

Whenever I'm feeling sorry for herself, I pull myself up because not everyone makes it into their 60s. My cousin's wife, for example, died of breast cancer in her early fifties and a former colleague of a stroke in her late 40s.

It's age, there's nothing we can do about it but I feel your pain.

I’ve got one hooded eye, jowls and a big sunspot, a good inch across, on my temple. I always look half cut in photos.

Honestly OP, when people interact with you they see who you are. They don't scrutinise fat deposits on your eyes or neck or marionette lines. They see you as a person. I'm sure they don't even notice these things.
I'm 50 and have friends of all ages, from their 30s to 90s! When it comes to my older friends, I genuinely couldn't tell you if they have fat deposits on their eyelids or marionette lines. I just don't see it. I see them as people.
My mums 77 and very wrinkly I suppose, but again i never notice it.
Try not to obsess about your appearance. People love you for you - not how smooth your skin is.

I'm 68, any photo of me in daylight requires me to be wearing sunglasses and smiling, preferably with a bit of a tan. That way I can just about fool myself that I haven't aged much in the last 15 years 😉

Hi OP l got that feeling too. This is what l do. Good botox. Nails done. Exercise everyday fir an hour. Roots done every four weeks. Getting neck luft in Lithuania next month. Yes it all costs but l prioritise it because it makes me feel and look better. I'm a teacher, just giving context re wage. I probably only have 25 years left if lm lucky so l feel better if l look good. Yes absolutely respect women who go grey and natural but that would depress me.

I don't believe you would regard me as attractive if you met me in person. Also, I have made peace with being ugly, so it rarely bothers me. But thank you for being nice regardless.

Surely it’s not worth the risk, it’s a want not a need?
I can live with I’ve had better looks and things at nearly 63, I have bigger health issues to deal with

I am 48 I have had Botox in the past. I am no longer bothered after living next door to someone in her 30s who went to turkey for various surgeries and watching her trying to reach perfection while being the most miserable spiteful human I ever met. It doesn’t make you happy. I don’t compare myself to the filtered pictures online. I used to be quite vain but it’s fruitless you get one thing done then you notice something else that you hate.

I spend a lot of time on zoom meetings with younger people and by the end of the day I’m in the same state of mind as you OP, particularly as I’ve lost weight recently and it’s made my face look a bit haggard.

I look better off camera though I think / hope.

Maybe I need to start taking collagen?

This topic has been strangely enlightening. I am 42 and I haven’t aged very much. I was quite self-conscious about my appearance in my 20s because I was overweight and different, but now I am in my 40s this works in my favour. Clear, smooth skin, and a symmetrical face with good teeth feel like more of a prize in middle age.

I know what you mean and empathise. What makes it worse is I don’t think I ever look at a man and think, he looked better when he was younger 😭 I just feel like my face is melting. Can totally see the benefits of a face lift 😆 would never have one but still.

It's after 50/post menopause that you age very rapidly. At 42, many women look youthful.

Society have convinced us that looking good means looking young.

I have no interest in looking young, with age comes a special kind of beauty.
There is a woman in my yoga class who is in her late 70s, she looks amazing. A huge mane of white/grey hair, piercing blue eyes that show her wisdom, soft lined skin that tells of her life, and a stance that shows her strength and claims her space.
I don't buy into the media bullshit that seeks to define beauty.

I'm confused by this thread! I've read so many "why are middle aged men so bald, fat and ugly" threads on here where people swear blind that the middle aged women they're with are "all stunners"!

iPhone camera is really rough and harsh beautiful lady. Famously bad camera, shows every pore, every line.

Using portrait mode and playing with light and lighting on the camera helps.

What is in the mirror is real, the camera accentuates everything and distorts things (which is why we use things like lens filters and diffusers for lights with real cameras to soften the image)