Realised I'm old and ugly

[Ilovemeggy38]

I have just seen some
photos of me taken on a night out, I had taken lots of care to look my best.
I'm 55 thought I looked okay, was actually quite happy as I have lost weight, got on hrt, starting taking vitamins and collagen.
But, those pictures 😞
I have the dreaded marrionette lines, I look miserable! And I'm not!
My hair looks thin and straggly, I have shoulder length hair and my Gosh the picture just shows my scalp at the front and so, so thin😞
I have strange fat deposits over my eyes which makes my eyes look small.
My neck has weird fat deposits which make it look strange.
I have tried to say it's just a bad picture but looking back over recent photos I can see I have aged badly.
I have just sat down with the picture and cried.
I feel so ugly, so removed from what I actually thought I looked like.
I'm really upset as my looks, my appearance is important to me for my own self worth.
I just look about ten years older, not even that, I look unhealthy in the pictures, really not what I see in the mirror.
My OH took the pictures on his iPhone, it is definitely high Res so every line, fault, has shown up but that's me in real life I suppose.

God yes, good point, now that’s the real worry. Though I guess the more the mind goes, the less we care about our looks anyway so some slight silver lining! But definitely more important to try to keep our mind’s healthy.

Honestly OP, I think you need to disengage your self worth from how you look. I'm not sure how to do this exactly - I am 40 and starting to feel like I am looking worse and not better with age (I actually felt I looked better in my 30's than my 20's). Currently it's minor but obviously things are only going in one direction. I like to think I am not vain; I don't wear make up often, not precious about hair or clothes (although I do make an effort and look nice when I go to the office or go out) but I can see getting older (looking older) is going to be difficult. I am currently searching for strategies to genuinely be at peace with becoming less attractive. I appreciate that doesn't help you much but I guess I am trying to say; I wouldn't tackle this with trying to look better (although fine to do that if you want) or to avoid being in pictures, I would cut to the chase and do the work to be at ease with yourself. Good luck.

Sorry, can’t really relate.

I’ve never been remotely pretty. I have a weird long section of skin/lips below nose that covers my teeth even when I smile so all you see are the very end tips of my teeth if I grin and make me look a bit demented. I’m now fat too so that adds to the fun. Always had very fine thin hair that I kept short my entire life because it’s far too straggly when it gets to shoulder length. I have no wedding photos because I don’t have any photos of myself. I already know I look ugly. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve got used to being dismissed and overlooked my entire life, probably by people like some of you who inwardly judge others on their attractiveness.

Now I’m in my 60’s, lots of other women my age are starting to feel old and realise they’re overlooked for younger models and I think to myself ‘now you know how it feels!’.

Let's be honest though - if you apply that theory you can't take any meds or ever have any medical procedure or drive a car etc.

@Brillopadhair The risk of fillers and blindness is when they are under the eyes as tear trough filler. Or very close to the eyes between your eyebrows.

Marionette lines are below/ side of your mouth.

I've told this story before on here... I photograph spectacularly badly and I'm incredibly plain in real life, Was never a beauty, but this particular photo was taken about twenty years ago when I was in my early forties, by the lady whose horse lived in a field with mine.

She called me over to show me some photos she'd taken of our horses. I looked at them and thought 'who the hell is that old man she's let cuddle my horse?' Thankfully I said nothing, because it slowly dawned on me as I looked at more pictures, that the 'old man' was me. Mid forties and definitely female. In my defence I was wearing a woolly hat, but, even so...

I've compared all photographs to that dreadful moment ever since and I've never looked quite as bad, but I still see that little old man looking back at me from photo frames. Now I just think 'well, everyone knows what I look like in real life, so they're not going to jump back in horror when they see the pictures'. And I try to avoid cameras...

It shouldn't matter, but I get where you are coming from. I recently saw a photo of myself from an event that shocked me. I wondered if that is what I look like to other?

But I am not sure I have ever liked pictures of myself at the time, despite people thinking I was beautiful when I was younger. When I look back on pictures of my younger self, I wonder what my problem was.

I am incredibly unphotogenic, either that or I just have a really low opinion of myself! I look at me and see a baggy old wreck with a saggy neck, hooding eyes, and far too many cakes! But the other day someone I hardly know said how pretty I was, and I felt a million dollars! So how you see yourself really isn't how others see you.

Photos are notorious for making folk look terrible, so please don't do yourself down here. I'm certain you are lovely 😚🥰

OP you can only do what you can do.

New hair style, use some hair growth products if you want to, take care of your skin, and if you can afford it, invest in 'tweakments' if that's what you want.

Yes my DH has a photo of me as his phone screen saver
I hate that pic as he took it with his phone and it's a reverse image
But he says everyone who sees it says I'm beautiful
Mind you, it was taken three years ago when I was 52- things went rapidly downhill at 53 for me

Joining the group of saggy oldies with a sigh of relief. The jowls! The chin hairs! The saggy skin! It's very depressing even when you faithfully recite all sorts of positive mantras through gritted dentures.
Re the hair though; I have been cursed with uncontrollably wild,thick hair all my life. Literally born with it. I have always looked untidy,ill kempt and scruffy. I dyed it plum colour.
Last year,at the age of 60 I shaved it all off and now have a crisp snow white buzz cut which bizarrely,makes me look younger! Now just need to find a way to look thinner.

We all know the stories about people who die young and we should be grateful. However there is nothing wrong with trying to make the best of yourself at any age. It doesn't mean you are vain or lacking in integrity. If something makes you feel good then that is a positive. I rarely see people who are " ugly" and I agree 100% that it is the overall package - what you say, your expressions etc which all come together to be the person you are. Look beyond the physical imperfections you perceive. Someone said above about people who are critics of other women's looks.. the biggest critic is yourself. Would you tell your friends how they look in the terms that some posters have used on here? We all take shit photos!

Ilovemeggy38, you mention small fat deposits around your eye. Have you had a cholesterol check recently as it can be a sign of high cholesterol?

I am now in my 60s. It really helps to be well rested and well hydrated. A bad night really shows in any photos. I also have a resting jowly bitch face which is transformed and lifted if I smile so I try to smile as much as possible now. Good specs/ contacts also help, so you aren't screwing up your eyes trying to focus all the time. My hair has become thin and wispy but I have at last found a hairdresser who is willing to do a tousled perm instead of an old lady one - my request was that I want to look like I've been pulled through a hedge backwards which really suits me and frames my face. I use a hypoallergenic moisturiser SPF 30 and only wear makeup for special occasions . In the sun I always wear sunglasses and a hat. But all my life I have looked at my photos and only seen my flaws at the time they were taken and actually I really looked ok. I'm hoping to feel the same if/when I am 80 and looking at photos of me taken now.

58 and cannot take a decent selfie that I like on my phone. Rarely look in mirrors apart from the morning get ready.

My daughter took a photo for my driving licence. I said that’s horrible. She said but that’s what you look like. I sent it off. DVLC couldn’t reconcile it to me and my previous photo as I looked so different. Had to get it verified. When my daughter saw the new licence she said omg that’s an awful photo why did you use that , it doesn’t look like you at all???

I am concentrating on my weight , strength training , skincare and being happy in this stage of my life. Have many blessings. I want to be a good older role model for my girls.

Would love my old youthful face back but you have had that moment and I realise I have to work with the face I have now !! Sometimes I feel shit and other times I think you look okay for 58 really.

My last passport photo was a shocker.

I agree phones take unflattering pictures.

I can’t travel abroad don’t want to renew mine.
The current one is bad enough 🤣

I took a selfie of myself by mistake yesterday evening when out with hair and make done and god I looked awful! But it was a terrible angle and my face was scrunched in concentration. Just quickly deleted it. I definitely don't think that photo was representative of how I actually look most of the time.

Oh my God, are you me?

I'm 50 in few weeks and my God, my face. I've never been that much of a looker, and always been really unphotogenic but I was at a night out a couple of weeks ago and the photos made me cry.

And by the way, my driving licence photo is the worst photo ever taken of anyone, ever. Fight me.

I’m feeling everyone’s pain. I turned 60 this year and my neck seems to be on a downward trajectory 😟

My hair- the main bugbear- has always been fine but is now downright thin and so ageing. It definitely needs help nowadays. It was really getting me down so I’ve been experimenting with clip in extensions and toppers. Nothing ott, just enough for a boost. It makes a huge difference to how I feel and I’m certain is not detectable (god knows I’ve grilled dh and dd a million times and they’ve been honest) and look natural if used sparingly.

I do think most people probably don’t notice our faults the way we do ourselves. I guess they’re worrying about their own 😁

It's a thing. I look perfectly normal and scrub up quite well in real life but for some reason I increasingly look like a laughing llama on photos 😂

Absolutely, I think it's a shame that attractive (and smart, talented etc.) women are supposed to pretend otherwise, lest they commit the heinous sin of being too big for their boots! I think it's an attitude that's dying out though

@MadeThisOneUp What is this strength training for neck pls?! I need it!

I recently went to a school reunion for a class where we're all in our early sixties. Many people were completely unrecognisable. We all look our age. Post menopause, you either accept you're in a new stage of life and embrace it, or remain forever in the fool's game of chasing your youth.