Realised I'm old and ugly

[Ilovemeggy38]

I have just seen some
photos of me taken on a night out, I had taken lots of care to look my best.
I'm 55 thought I looked okay, was actually quite happy as I have lost weight, got on hrt, starting taking vitamins and collagen.
But, those pictures 😞
I have the dreaded marrionette lines, I look miserable! And I'm not!
My hair looks thin and straggly, I have shoulder length hair and my Gosh the picture just shows my scalp at the front and so, so thin😞
I have strange fat deposits over my eyes which makes my eyes look small.
My neck has weird fat deposits which make it look strange.
I have tried to say it's just a bad picture but looking back over recent photos I can see I have aged badly.
I have just sat down with the picture and cried.
I feel so ugly, so removed from what I actually thought I looked like.
I'm really upset as my looks, my appearance is important to me for my own self worth.
I just look about ten years older, not even that, I look unhealthy in the pictures, really not what I see in the mirror.
My OH took the pictures on his iPhone, it is definitely high Res so every line, fault, has shown up but that's me in real life I suppose.

Salmon injections?! Wth

@ I try to walk upright with fresh hair, clothes and red lipstick. It was a shop window reflection that shook me up.

So sorry, OP, and huge hugs 🫂 I'm sure you are beautiful, both inside and out.
Time and tide wait for no (wo)man unfortunately, so we have just got to gleefully accept haggard bodies, as a PP said.

My body's let me down hugely over the years. A decade ago, I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety. It made me very unwell and gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia, which is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined 😳

Good grief, some of the involuntary movements of my movement disorder are absolutely horrid anf truly do make me look ugly. I've got involuntary movements of my face, tongue,and mouth sometimes which involves my mouth opening wide and my tongue moving on its own in my mouth. It's very bizarre and rather hideous, and I feel awful and self conscious when it happens.

I'd literally give anything to have good health again 😔 Even though I'm fairly attractive still, I was pretty gorgeous when younger, yet I'd literally rather be unattractive than have my movement disorder. Be kind to yourself, OP. We've got to love ourselves, warts, wrinkles snd weird involuntary movements altogether. I'm sure you're very lovely ♥️

Sorry for the typos, it's late and my eyes are bad too lol 😆

I guess there's nothing to say, except that it ends up happening to most of us, and very painful.
😥

Congratulations on the weight loss.

My hair is very thin too, it drives me mad.

But, I really believe we all have beauty in ourselves, and life is a balance between making ourselves look and feel the best we can, and accepting that time ages us. Plus nowadays you cannot really trust so many images you see in the media, on social media etc. Lights and filters etc. So, please do not compare yourself to others, or even to your younger self.

Think positively, take pride in your appearance.

The world is full of harsh critics, especially people who will happily heap criticism on us older women. Do not join them. Have pride in yourself and enjoy your life.

Awww, I think this is one of the nicest heartwarming threads I've seen on here in a while x the feeling that we've all got common ground and we understand where we're all coming from....

It brings to mind that quote "Youth is wasted on the young" and I get that wistfulness for a time when we had worse insecurities with absolutely no need.

So much wit and wisdom here which has a beauty all of its own....

May you have sweet dreams, all of you ....

Cos it's time for my beauty sleep and I'm beating insomnia off with a stick because I need all the help I can get 😆 xxx

@ForeverDelayedEpiphany I’m very sorry this happened to you, 💐. I hope you sued the medics who prescribed this off licence medication to you.

Thank you lovely, one of the best responses amongst a lot of lovely ones..
I'm taking from this not to beat myself up, I've already put the pictures in the virtual bin and I am going to try to love the bits I hate, celebrate my beautiful bits and stop being so hard on myself.
Thank you all for taking the time in replying, it's helped so much just knowing I'm not unusual, we all do feel this xxx

Hello OP, funy thing I feel the same. 55yo and when I look in the mirror I look great but on photos, not so much. Hang in there. Aging is not for the faint of heart.

@Smudgerbabe’s right. What makes a person attractive is their character, friendliness, humility, humour. A person can look ‘perfect’ in a photo but be dull, unpleasant, or humourless as hell IRL.

In your 50s, you have to adapt a bit to changes, e.g. long hair can look a bit scraggy, comparedwwe with just above the shoulder. A lot of heavy makeup up can be harder to carry off, but then never looks great on anyone close up IRL.

IMHO there are many examples of people who look just as good with age, e.g. Prue Leith (85), Angela Davis (81), Joan Collins (91), Vivienne Westwood (obvs dead now but was still looking fab at 81).

Develop your own style, grow old disgracefully and you’ll be grand 😉

Aging is not for the faint of heart

But it's better than the alternative.

I think we all need to channel Granny Weatherwax, or Nanny Ogg.

I've took accidental selfies. You know, when you accidentally reverse which camera you're using.

Shit !!!

It looked like somebody had slammed Bernard Manning, Jeremy Clarkson and Jabba the Hut together into one person. I was ill, bloated and not suited and booted but bloody hell was it a shock.

I used to be not too bad looking.

By the way, I'm a woman so extra unflattering comparison there.

Oh well, nevermind! Be dead sooner rather than later. Sod it.

Fillers and Botox. Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to make yourself look good
also have a look at morphes8 facial expensive but results look good

Also start rubbing oil in your hair before washing, rosemary, olive or batana to thicken your hair

This.
When l think about my friends, all in their 60s, l never notice how they look face wise as we are busy chatting and it's how their eyes light up when they see me or listen to my story that tells me who they are. I had a moment of deep depression seeing a photo of myself at my nieces wedding as in my head l was a completely different person so l can understand. I think photos do us no favours especially if they catch us unaware. Lately l have taken up strength training and feeling strong and able to see my body do things l thought l was past has given me a great lift and shifted my perspective on how l look.

Love this thread too - so supportive and great tips Ill be looking up. @ForeverDelayedEpiphanyIm so sorry to hear about your tardive dyskinesia - that must be so tough. Your attitude is so strong though and like PPs have said it’s the real life F2F versions of us that people know and love, not a split second snapshot where we can all look fabulous or terrible depending on the camera angle and which way the winds blowing. OP I agree with PPs about following what young people do and practice your poses - I’ve noticed so many people with very flattering profile pics who look a bit different in real life and it’s almost like the memory of those profile pics becomes ingrained as that’s what you think of when you remember them! So always use a really good realistic but best version of yourself pic. Plus I find bronzer makes a huge difference- basically max out on make up and flattering necklines such as collared tops or scarves, maybe shirts which give crisp shoulders and waistlines too for those times you want to look good for photos. Standout earrings help frame your face too plus I’ve been thinking about getting more statement style glasses as mine are a bit lame. I think as we get older we need to be a bit bolder - go large or go home - to make the most of our more experienced, DGAF wisdom, and to give younger more anxious women a positive role model. Maybe some fake it till you make it type thinking but it all helps get through these wobbles of self doubt.

I’m one of those unlucky people who looks absolutely rubbish in photos. If there is a group photo I always look the worst by far. It’s not my imagination because my friends and I laugh about it. I accept that I’m aging and undoubtedly not doing it very well but I focus on having a sense of humour, enjoying life and being kind to myself.

I honestly think that constantly seeing faces with Botox is distorting our brains. I am 41 and was looking at photos of women my age on insta that had all had Botox and fillers and nose jobs. They all looked similar & very botoxed. When I went to look at my face in the mirror, I looked comparably like an old lady as I’ve not had anything. I honestly think our brains are distorted from constantly seeing frozen faces.

I also wonder if it was exceptionally bad as the photos were taken with a flash or at night when shadows show up - at any age. A lot of the issues you speak of could be fixed with some laser & filler & appropriate hairstyle.

Give yourself a break though - I bet you radiate beauty. I was watching the latest Bridget Jones movie & even for a Hollywood star she had wrinkles but she looks gorgeous as she’s our Bridget & charismatic.

It Isn’t just a cheesy thing people say - true beauty radiates from within & outshines any “flaws”.

My dermatologist's answer to my comment: 'Getting old is not nice, is it?' was 'It's better than never reaching old age.'

I think this sums it all up. I'm 58, and I often can't recognise myself in the mirror, even when I'm always told I look the same as before... However, I've never felt this kind of peace and mental wellbeing before. Therefore I'm ready to embrace old age (even if it really sucks in so many ways...) It does take adjusting, though. My mum says it took her about a decade to accept she was no longer young. She's 76, and I've never seen her happier, even if she can barely leave the house due to arthritis.

I found cutting my very long hair up to bra strap length made it thicker.

"My OH took the pictures on his iPhone, it is definitely high Res so every line, fault, has shown up but that's me in real life I suppose."

Most people don't have hi-res eyesight.

@EricTheGardener I’m weak laughing melted face with the bald scrotum under the chin!
I’m 57 and I’ve started looking like I’ve had a mild stroke in most photos, if I’m smiling my mouth looks lop-sided, or one eye is more droopy than the other. It’s bizarre as I never look like that in a mirror!

I'm heading for 61 OP and it's showing - everything facial has gone southward/saggy. Not always a pretty sight.

I find it helps not to look in the mirror that often