Realised I'm old and ugly

[Ilovemeggy38]

I have just seen some
photos of me taken on a night out, I had taken lots of care to look my best.
I'm 55 thought I looked okay, was actually quite happy as I have lost weight, got on hrt, starting taking vitamins and collagen.
But, those pictures 😞
I have the dreaded marrionette lines, I look miserable! And I'm not!
My hair looks thin and straggly, I have shoulder length hair and my Gosh the picture just shows my scalp at the front and so, so thin😞
I have strange fat deposits over my eyes which makes my eyes look small.
My neck has weird fat deposits which make it look strange.
I have tried to say it's just a bad picture but looking back over recent photos I can see I have aged badly.
I have just sat down with the picture and cried.
I feel so ugly, so removed from what I actually thought I looked like.
I'm really upset as my looks, my appearance is important to me for my own self worth.
I just look about ten years older, not even that, I look unhealthy in the pictures, really not what I see in the mirror.
My OH took the pictures on his iPhone, it is definitely high Res so every line, fault, has shown up but that's me in real life I suppose.

Best to make peace with how you look now , because ... spoiler alert ... it gets worse.

I don't scrutinise my reflection or photos anymore. I'm no longer beautiful and that's just to be expected. I don't want to be the queen in Snow White so I just enjoy my life and the fact that I'm still alive!

I feel you. I avoid mirrors...depressing 🥲

I'm nearly 56 and just avoid mirrors and cameras all the time. Im dreading the time my children get married and i'm dragged into the inevitable photos with my ex and his younger, much prettier than me wife

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder - my children (29,27 and 25) think I'm wonderful and not ugly! My dog adores me. And that's enough. I stopped wearing make up a couple of years ago when I analysed who I was wearing it for and it wasn't me and since Covid I haven't been out anywhere to dress up so make up and hair products have gone in the same bin. Am I happier without it? I think so - its certainly much quicker to get ready for work

I look like an old and haggard version of that infamous mug shot of Myra Hindley 🙈

same here except its back and knees. I have got lines and wrinkles, massively thinning hair, saggy boobs, the lot.....BUT I am alive and can still enjoy life so bugger what i look like.

Passport photos are the worst 😂 no hair over your eyebrows or over your ears 😂😂

I look shite in photos and always have even when I was in my 20s. I wouldn’t assess your appearance based on photos.

I've always looked totally awful in photos yet am really quite fine with how I look in the mirror. My late grandmother, a good looking woman, always said good looking people take bad pictures. I've adopted that mantra

I showed an acquaintance a photo taken six years ago this month and they gasped in shock that it was me. I was blonde and looked younger than my age. Not beautiful but ok.

Now at 62 I’m grey, neck wattles, horrible marionette lines, beady eyes and saggy. People in public like shop assistants, flight attendants etc ask “are you ok?”
like I’m some doddering fool.

It happens so fast.

It only gets worse if we don’t learn to make peace with it.

I agree with not scrutinising photos. I don’t photograph well, and look a lot better in real life. I’m also just grateful to be alive and trying to set an ‘ageing disgracefully’ example to my daughter and other young women I know. No hair dye, no interventions- just exercise, living well, and enjoying life.

I worry how the 20-30 something women (and some men) who spend ages editing every single photograph and already having Botox for ‘lines’ and fillers, are going to cope with the reality of ageing? There are only so many interventions available, even for the wealthy. There are going to be some very strange looking 60 year olds in 30 years time! I will be approaching 90 and hope I will be there to find out.

I'm sorry @EricTheGardener but honestly your post had me in absolute fits of laughter!!! Sympathies but my god you could make a career being a comedy writer. That was sharp and brutal against yourself!!! I'm sure it's not that bad but I'm going through the "what the FUCK is happening to my face" stage right now and good to be forewarned that it will get worse in 5 years time in my 50s!!!!

Edited for grammar!

I agree with you (in my case) but it was pointed out to me that that hurts the GC and in years to come they will be sad there are no pictures

So I have conceded and had a couple and actually, not as bad as I feared.

And you don't have to look at them!

Can I adopt it too? I've always looked shit in photos, I'm the female Chandler Bing when anyone points a camera in my direction.😂

The bloke in the office at Glasgow Central Station who made my railcard for me when I was at uni absolutely pissed himself at my passport photos. Used one for my railcard and stuck the other 3 on the window of his office for all to see. I walked past them every day for 4 years. They're probably there to this day!.

I have relaxed a bit about this as I have gotten older. I used to cringe at my pictures when I was in my 30s or 40s - now I look back at them and think how nice I looked then.

I look at my 85 year old mum and I still think she looks lovely - wrinkles and all.

A lot of it is perspective and also how you view old age.

I read something here about some study done in 50s or 60s... and the mums were all missing from the baby photos - they were just arms around the baby holding them up - but not in the picture. It resonated with me as I was doing similar. So I stopped shying away form photos - I have since been very much present in my kids photos. When they look back I want them to see me there and I know they will love what they see- just as I love seeing my mum.

Sadly the marionette line areas are a high risk place, otherwise I would have them done like a shot.

Totally with you, OP. I was never a beauty but had a full head of light blonde hair, decent skin and features in roughly the right places. At 50 I went to a party in a tuxedo with my hair parted in the middle and hanging loose to my shoulders and someone took some extraordinarily flattering photos in good lighting. I looked stunning, for me. I treasure them.

Ten years later I was priding myself on getting through the menopause without HRT when my hair started falling out and I experienced the horror of washing my hands in a basin at a public loo and looking in the mirror and seeing my scalp very clearly showing and my hairline receding at the sides. My skin went parchment dry, the wrinkles really showed up. I was turning into my mother. I loved my mum.

HRT, Regain or similar, regular moisturising, a decent haircut and a collection of hats do help a bit. I wear a straw fedora or similar each summer, with big sunglasses, and I now understand why so many other older women have similar tricks. Scarves help with crepey necks.

I think we're allowed to grieve. We all know that women are valued largely for their looks, by women as well as men. Grieve for a bit, OP, slap on some moisturiser and potions and lotions, wear a hat and get on with life. As others have said, at least we're alive!

It’s not just those areas unfortunately, however it’s a me issue, millions have it done and are fine!

I think it's really freeing OP if you can not really care how you look. I love being 50 and feeling like I am firmly into the 'invisible' stage. I've look hideous in the vast majority of photos I've ever had taken.

I can't help, I've always been ugly, now I am old too. I avoid thinking about this by actively not looking in mirrors and not having my photo taken!

What insane vanity. You either age or you die. Deal with it.

I think those of us who've always been plain have SUCH an advantage as we age! We have fewer looks to lose and don't spend all our time hankering after our lost beauty. We are finally the winners!

You quote this, and yet the Harley Academy trains hundreds. probably thousands of people each year to do fillers. Presumably the cases they cite are the ones that haven't been done properly. I don't think that image tells you the full picture.

Eric the gardener NEEDS to go into comedy writing! Honestly that ended me I couldn't stop laughing for 10 mins. Brilliant.

The thing is it's about being happy in yourself despite how shite the aging process is. I'm now almost at the face melting point that ericthegardener talked about, so that's fun! I'm going to cope with humour and wit like she is.

This is me, too, seeing photos of myself and note realising how fat and ugly I have become. I don't feel it. I do have sparkle. I have lovely, lovely friends and my own gorgeous family. I have skills! I like myself.

Moreover, when I see beauty standards these days, I don't want to play that game. The amount of work that we're fed as being some sort of norm, and it really, really isn't.

I'm trying quite strongly to lose weight and be strong and not to really worry too much about the rest of it. I'm heading for my mid-fifties. Yes Jane Fonda looked amazing at that age and still does. I'm not going to ever be able to have the resources she had. So, I try to like myself more.