Realised I'm old and ugly

[Ilovemeggy38]

I have just seen some
photos of me taken on a night out, I had taken lots of care to look my best.
I'm 55 thought I looked okay, was actually quite happy as I have lost weight, got on hrt, starting taking vitamins and collagen.
But, those pictures 😞
I have the dreaded marrionette lines, I look miserable! And I'm not!
My hair looks thin and straggly, I have shoulder length hair and my Gosh the picture just shows my scalp at the front and so, so thin😞
I have strange fat deposits over my eyes which makes my eyes look small.
My neck has weird fat deposits which make it look strange.
I have tried to say it's just a bad picture but looking back over recent photos I can see I have aged badly.
I have just sat down with the picture and cried.
I feel so ugly, so removed from what I actually thought I looked like.
I'm really upset as my looks, my appearance is important to me for my own self worth.
I just look about ten years older, not even that, I look unhealthy in the pictures, really not what I see in the mirror.
My OH took the pictures on his iPhone, it is definitely high Res so every line, fault, has shown up but that's me in real life I suppose.

It happens to me too.
We are on own worse enemy for self criticism.
It genuinely is camera make up. The odd occasion when I had professional makeup, I didn't look too bad.

I feel this OP, I hate photos of me so when we are out I ask my DH to do videos, I love the videos laughing smiling happy, different angles. You can screen shot from your best side as well.

Op I avoid any pictures of myself, I have absolutely no pictures of myself with grandchildren ,cannot bare the squinting and looking old !

Re thinning hair mine is shoulder length but long layers rather than all one length. Also dead straight hair is ageing. You need bounce and lift. Ask your hairdresser.

Also, which stone cold sadist invented video calls? I have a couple of friends who love a late night video call, and I'm crap at tech so I spend up to an hour trying to angle the damn phone anywhere but on my face which develops six chins, the jowls of a St Bernard and eyes like the proverbial piss holes in the snow the minute I answer. Fortunately I have two cats who have no shame and get in on the act, and often their cute little butts become my camouflage. A thousand curses on technology.

I have got to the age my mum was when she started saying “too close, too close!” when photos were taken. I look fine from a distance, but high res cameras are definitely not my friend unless I have sunnies on.

I’ve always been attractive

It always amazes me when there are threads on MN the number of posters who come on and talk about themselves as being so attractive / so nice looking etc
I just find this blowing your own trumpet so off putting.
I can't imagine how self absorbed some one must be to look in the mirror or at a photo of themselves and thing how good looking they are.

I think your reaction OP about yourself and your appearance in the photo is actually a very normal one. Generally people are much much more unforgiving of what they perceive as their faults in their own appearance than anyone else looking at the photo of you would be. Other people looking at that photo will probably think you look fine.

Cameras are harsh and TBH men are shit at taking flattering pictures unless it's a car.

But please try not to let this define your "worth", OP as that's a slippery, irreversible slope. By all means get a new hairdo but don't give over too much of your life trying to "fix" this because it's not worth the headspace and you've got your life to live.

Instead of snaps on phones, maybe treat yourself to a studio session with make up artist if you'd like some nice keepsake photos of you looking and feeling your best?

I once read that beauty is a visa not a passport to happiness.

Hi @Ilovemeggy38 find a recommended beautician that offers plason facials or microneedling facials. Plason is painless, microneedling at depths of more than 0.5 might hurt even with numbing cream. You will see an improvement in your skin within a few weeks. Ask them to make recommendations about other things that youre not happy about but avoid fillers and botox. Neither are the best optons ever - yes fadt results, but negative impacts when they wear off so you have to keep injecting! If you're anywhere near Coventry I highly recommend Derma Skinology in Earlsdon. The best beautician I've ever come across and she uses Korean medical grade products too.

Take collagen and biotin. In a few weeks your hair will improve. Massage rosemary oil on your scalp. Leave it on overnight and wash it off the next day. This will encourage new hair growth.

I found aging shocking too, so good luck finding the new you xxx

I look awful in photos - any photos - even the ones taken by a professional for corporate photos at work. I no longer have a neck apparently and I’m not overweight - but my weight has shifted to some odd places, like my ten chins. Hasn’t shifted to my face though and I look a bit haggard, despite HRT.

I feel your pain. I’m sure you don’t look like that IRL - I can go fr looking at my face in a mirror and thinking I look alright, to a photo ten seconds later and I just look stoned…..and wrinkly.

Am sure you are beautiful, would something to boost self esteem help? A facial and a haircut can really help lift your mood x

Gosh, I find this so negative! I found an old picture today of when I was in uni and honestly I looked fabulous! If only I’d known then how gorgeous I was! Now mid 50s and sagging beyond repair, but in my bathroom where I do my makeup a ihave a magic mirror. It’s one of those backlit ones. I find joy in seeing people who look amazing, and most of the time that person is someone else, but I feel great when I think I look great.

Oh I definitely need more self care, I don't actually feel rubbish in real life, that was the point of my post, I just look different, not myself in those pictures.
I actually hate pictures because they don't reflect how I see myself but when you have one and it's there , staring you back,i feel awful.

I could have written this, OP. Started around 48, 49.. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking what the fuck has happened to my face. It's just.... melted. I come from the jowliest family ever so I knew I'd never avoid them, but jesus. Now 4 or 5 years on I would kill to go back to my 48-yr-old face!!! Now I'm dealing with sludgy grey eye bags, hooded eyes, saggy eyelids - I have to pull my skin so taut otherwise it's like trying to put eyeliner on a carrier bag. Plus the sudden emergence of weird pigmentation marks, and the downturned mouth lines that make me look like Pierrot the bloody Clown. And don't get me started on my neck. I too have lost a lot of weight recently, and now look like I have a kind of bald, empty scrotum flapping around under my chin.

Oh god and the hair. Massively thinning around the temples. A cloud of short, wiry, uncontrollable pube-like hairs that have just erupted from the top of my head and will not be tamed despite the rest of my (once soft, now coarse) hair being straight.

But. But. I am here. I quite like being alive, and I love lots of people and want to carry on being around them for a lot longer yet, so the only option is to continue getting older. I'm trying to come to some kind of acceptance with it all, and constantly berate myself for being vain. I'm not quite there yet. But I'm trying.

I’ve always been attractive
It always amazes me when there are threads on MN the number of posters who come on and talk about themselves as being so attractive / so nice looking etc
I just find this blowing your own trumpet so off putting.
I can't imagine how self absorbed some one must be to look in the mirror or at a photo of themselves and thing how good looking they are.

So you would prefer a woman to look in the mirror or look at a photo of herself and think they are unattractive? Why would you want a woman to feel like that about themselves? I think it says more about you thinking that way than any woman who likes what they see in the mirror.

How would you feel about a bit of Botox or filler? none of us can stop gravity

if you're happy overall, then do that backlit mirror thing

I don't do video calls without being make upped... I prepare myself for the criticism "oh why does it matter?"

the lift emotionally it gives is worth it

I'm late 60s and occasionally meet up with an old, very close, friend from our late teens. We're 200 miles apart but 2 or 3 times a year have an overnight at a Premier Inn and kick over the traces, catch up, and generally have a lovely time.

She is tall and willowy and has retained a youthful figure. I'm much shorter, and although was slim in my youth, I now cut a fairly pudgy figure. It feels shit.

Sharing a room, she was spending ages fiddling about with her hair before we went out for drinks and dinner. "Come on then, what's up?" I harried her a bit.

"I can't go out like this" she said, "You can see my scalp through my hair, I hate it. I'm so envious of your hair. You've always had lovely thick hair, you don't have to worry about how your hair looks. My hair's so thin, I look bloody bald. I just can't go out until it looks right"

Well excuse me but her hair is perfectly fine. Not only that but she has a figure that a 30 year old wouldn't be ashamed of. Me not so much. But I have a magnificent head of (coloured) hair. I'd swap my hair for hers and her body, she'd swap her hair for mine even if my body came with it. I mean, how bloody ridiculous are we? Both of us!? We are more than our hair and our bodies!
We have a 50 year friendship and supported each other through all manner of awful and brilliant experiences. Through thick and thin and shared joys and disappointments.

She wishes she had my hair and I wish I had her silhouette.
I'm sure we both look like a couple of older ladies having a nice time.
I mean, who cares?

aww I bet you were not.

and the downturned mouth lines that make me look like Pierrot the bloody Clown

This made me laugh! It’s so true! That’s exactly who I look like too!

Paul Heaton put it better than I ever could. Those lines have meaning, signs of a life well lived. Embrace them.

I really like facial massages like the one in the link - gets the blood flowing and makes a difference!
there are loads of these types of massage technique.

Hey OP, I hear you.
I'm 57 in a few weeks and in the past year I have gone from loathing how I look now to accepting it gratefully and actually feeling OK with it. Was it Sarah Millican who said something about the criticism she gets for her looks (grrr) in the press but when she's out and about she blends in ! And I've adopted that mindset - I'm very happy to 'blend in'.
If it's your thing, I can recommend watching Youtube content for 50+ women on the best hair and make up trends, I've adopted a few of these looks and they make me feel a bit more palatable 😁
And, besides, you can't photograph the sound of a laugh nor a good personality.
Cheers to you x

Oh how lovely we were when young, but none of us realised at the time. Same with middle age (I'm past that now)

I have a picture of my grandmother taken in 1911. She was one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, objectively, thick blonde hair that reached her bottom when not piled up, 22 inch waist, wonderful symmetrical face and eyes full of humour. At the end of her long life she never mentioned that. She talked about not being able to do things any more, like walk. It was awful for her, she was still sharp as a knife.

The humour was still there, though.

She wishes she had my hair and I wish I had her silhouette.
I'm sure we both look like a couple of older ladies having a nice time.
I mean, who cares?

Having said that, if I ever save enough money up, I'd try to get rid of one or two of my chins.

Congratulations on the weight loss!

For the hair try castor oil masks - warning it’s very thick! Keep it on hair for a few days. Your locks will be healthy and shiny in no time.

My MIL and all her friends are raving about salmon injections…

Beauty also denotes the energy and vibe that someone exudes.

So sorry to hear that this made you upset. Do what young people do take selfies and figure out your best angle! So your camera ready next time!

One can always embrace hagdom. There’s no real point in pretending.