Realised I'm old and ugly

[Ilovemeggy38]

I have just seen some
photos of me taken on a night out, I had taken lots of care to look my best.
I'm 55 thought I looked okay, was actually quite happy as I have lost weight, got on hrt, starting taking vitamins and collagen.
But, those pictures 😞
I have the dreaded marrionette lines, I look miserable! And I'm not!
My hair looks thin and straggly, I have shoulder length hair and my Gosh the picture just shows my scalp at the front and so, so thin😞
I have strange fat deposits over my eyes which makes my eyes look small.
My neck has weird fat deposits which make it look strange.
I have tried to say it's just a bad picture but looking back over recent photos I can see I have aged badly.
I have just sat down with the picture and cried.
I feel so ugly, so removed from what I actually thought I looked like.
I'm really upset as my looks, my appearance is important to me for my own self worth.
I just look about ten years older, not even that, I look unhealthy in the pictures, really not what I see in the mirror.
My OH took the pictures on his iPhone, it is definitely high Res so every line, fault, has shown up but that's me in real life I suppose.

I took a photo of my husband years ago. He hates it. I love it, it captures his energy. It might not be the most flattering photo but it makes me feel happy and comforted to look at. It's how I see him (not necessarily appearance wise iyswim, more that his eyes have a warmth in them and his mouth has a hint of a smile etc). He can't see that. He just sees that his hair needs cutting and he's squinting in the sun.

He looks great in our wedding photos and they are flattering but they don't capture "him".

I know which photo I'd have on the wall if we did wall photos.

Maybe you're not "photogénique"? One of my friends is so pretty but photos never do her justice.
But I think we're all in the same boat. Every morning there's an old woman staring at me in my bathroom. Have no idea who she is or how she got there🤷‍♀️

😂😂😂

Honestly, the iPhones are terrible for over exposure. They make everyone look terrible. It makes me really cross actually. In real life there’s a softness that the phones ruin, and lens distortion is v annoying too. I wouldn’t worry too much about it x

I've never been good looking, in fact I've always been conventionally ugly.

I worry more about my aging mind.

I bet you’re not!! I bet you’re perfectly lovely but just don’t see it 😘

I have a friend who is very handsome in real life but in photos looks like he should be ringing the bells in Notre Dame and he’s always been like it. On the other hand I have a friend who looks very average but in photos looks fabulous - she often remarks on this herself. My point is you’re not the person captured on camera.
We’re all aging and the cheapest way of looking better is smile, smile, smile…. all the time! It makes a huge difference to a person’s face. My lovely mum had a bit of a Bagpuss face when she was old but when she smiled she looked beautiful and it took at least ten years off her.
If you can afford it seek professional help as Botox and filler can work wonders - I drive a very, very old car but spend my money at a doctor’s aesthetic clinic.

Which hair oils do you use please? My daughter has been reminding me how thin my hair is!

I'm older than you and I empathise. I agree with an earlier post though, saying that a photo captures a split second in time (plus lighting plays a huge part). In real life people don't analyse your facial features when they see you and in any case, it's ever moving, so they get an impression more from your expression. Make the effort to smile a lot, that's what I do as it makes you seem nice and friendly. (Hate seeing the wrinkles in a photo of me smiling though).

Here's something that helped me. A few years ago everyone at work had to have their photo taken to be put up in the entrance. Many people in the photos, young or older, look weird and some were even hard to recognise initially. I could suddenly see they had an odd shaped face or weirdly prominent nose that I'd never noticed before. My photo wasn't great either, so when we got the chance to retake, I practiced camera angles beforehand and wore clothes that flattered me better, and now I'm happy enough with the photo in which I look quite glam. Doesn't change what everyone else sees every day but it made me feel better.

You poor thing we are always our own worst critics and aging is hard.

The camera does lie though! You should see my DH's work pass photo - he looks like a wildebeest! In real life, he is utterly gorgeous. I also have a customer, who is absolutely beautiful, I mean a serious 10/10. For some reason, all her photo's on FB make her look like a 4/10. She obviously doesn't care, but the whole thing BAFFLES me. I can look shit one day in pics, and good the next. I think it's because a snapshot doesn't show the glint in someone's eye, or the way they move or smile?

Anyway Op, if there are things you definitely don't like irl, you could seek to change them. I'm 55 too and had a facelift, necklift and upper and lower bleph when I was 53 - I'm really pleased with the results. Now I just have to lose 3 stone to complete the look, ha ha. I have a big belly to get rid of and I've just started a new diet that I am 100% committed to.

Think of all the older people you’ve known and loved - did you think they were ugly? My grandma had loads of wrinkles in the end but I always thought she was beautiful - she aged very gracefully, looked after herself the best she could and dressed well for her age and shape. Thats not to say I don’t miss my younger face too (I’m in my 40s) - I definitely look ‘middle aged’ now. But I have a friend in her 50s who is obsessed with looking young, has Botox, filler etc and uses all sorts of filters on social media photos, and she doesn’t look like ‘her’ - it’s a bit sad. Give me a few wrinkles any day.

I'm old and ugly, too. Fifty years ago I was a gorgeous seventeen year old, and frankly, I preferred it. I was doing ok until my early sixties, plenty of attention, but the last five years have evidenced a decline. No. Not happy with that.

Honestly don't worry or waste your life trying to fight time. I remember as a teen my mum was obsessed with aging and wrinkles - she must have only been early 40s then. Well she is in her 80s now - what a waste of time that was! Nothing she did in her 40s stopped her being a wrinkly old lady but she is also still alive and in good health which is more than many people her age.

Live your one precious life and accept that time will of course leave its mark on you in so many ways. Age isn't ugly, being obsessed about aging is far less attractive. People don't engage with a photograph, they engage with a living, breathing person.

I just had fillers for my marionette lines (which appeared suddenly after I lost a lot of weight on Mounjaro). It is like magic, the lines are gone , I look (and feel) a great deal better. (To the person who said they won't have filler because of the risk of blindness, that is for tear trough fillers not marionette line fillers).

All the vibes, OP.

One thing I have noticed from taking photos of friends is that ... if people are smiling and happy, the very first thing anyone else sees in the picture is the smile.

I’m the same. Older than you. Take pride my appearance.
Dress appropriately, Feel good when I step out the door.
Then I see the dreaded photos. Somehow I have morphed into my 96 year old Aunty Millie.
Even my daughter commented, in a nice enough way, how much I look like Aunty.
No idea how to change this.

When youthful looks go and people still love you, it's very validating.

It shows me that my husband loves me for who I am.

My smile and presence open just as many doors as a pretty face.

People will defer to a person whose face and demeanour exhibits wisdom and experience.

And my kids never gave a shit what I looked like anyway.

I fucking love being older. Best stage of my life.

The only person I let take my photograph is my daughter who did A Level photography 🙂

@user1471503652 would you mind sharing the oils that helped pls

For what it’s worth OP, photos are not flattering for me either, I refer to myself as the opposite of photogenic! But I do think I look better in person rather than a snapshot in dodgy lighting or a bad angle.

Ha!

A few years ago I did one of those tests, where you take a selfie and a skincare company tells you how old you look.

I was told I was 73.

I am not. I do not look 73. I'd just the bloody from something camera that distorts things.

Just fucking ignore it and next time your DH takes a photo ask him to delete it. That way madness lies.

Some people don't photograph well. I look awful in photographs- there are no photos of me on the internet.
Some people are attractive because they have a twinkle in their eye, a ready smile. move with grace. None of that shows in a photo.

I am not blessed with attractive facial features either, but I am ok with that. I have eyes that see, a nose that can smell and legs that carry me around.

I am older than you OP- 63, and I am at peace wth my looks.
What I do have high standards with is my health. You mentioned fatty deposits around your eyes OP- this can be a sign of high cholesterol, and have a word with your GP about your thinning hair.
I don't mind being older, and no desire to appear youthful, but I want to feel and look healthy. Carrying any extra weight is hard work and not good for our joints as we age, so consider that if it is an issue OP.
Having a good diet is important. I pay close attention to what I eat, I make sure my food in nourishing. Good food shows in our skin and hair- keep hydrated too.
I do minimal skin care, but cleanse and moisturise my face morning and evening. I use moisturiser on my body too- especially my feet and knees, hands arms and decolletage. I use ALDI products which I love.

Exercise is crucial too. stiffness sets in with age, affecting our posture and gait.
I do 6 or 7 hour long yoga classes a week, I know yoga isn't everyone's cup of tea, but is good for me, any excercise is great, but find something yo enjoy, whether that is swimming, Zumba, bodypump- it's all great.I feel fitter than I did in my thirties.
You are not old OP, but have lots of opportunity to nurture your amazing body.

Please don’t be so hard on yourself! Phone photos are awful and not flattering for anyone, just delete them if they make you feel awful.

In terms of thinning hair, my hair is very fine and went even finer at the start of the menopause, until I started taking a zinc and copper supplement and sublingual B12, my hair is much improved now, it’s never going to be gloriously thick but it looks much better.

Aging is unavoidable but you still obviously have an active social life and I’m sure have people who value you hugely, it’s not all about how we look, and social media pressure is terrible, so I avoid it at all costs.

Sending you hugs 🤗

What a great thread you started OP.
I've been feeling down lately at 41 (birthday is next week, I'm dreading it)....
I hope the replies have made you laugh the way they have for me, some have made me want to cry too actually....💐

I love some of the descriptions on here 🤣 “had a bag puss face”..”like trying to put eyeliner on a plastic bag”..”empty scrotum under my chin”.
but seriously, you’ve all given me so much inspiration. I’m a bit younger than some of you (47) but definitely starting to feel older. My mum died at 63 so I’m acutely aware of time ticking along. I know though that I don’t want to be on my death bed feeling that I spent years worrying about my looks. As people have mentioned, I look back at photos of me as a younger woman and although I wasn’t into fashion or make up, etc, I remember feeling very self conscious a lot of the time, hating my body, etc. of course now I look at those photos and realise how utterly silly it was of me to have worried.
Isnt it funny (ironic) how time affects how we view ourselves. ‘Youth is wasted on the young’ and all that.
have a lovely day everyone. Friday is here. Oh and remember the sunscreen! X